As of: March 9, 2024, 1:00 p.m
By: Carina Ottillinger
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Lydia-Maria Schulz and Sarah Otto know the pain of losing a child very well.
Now they want to help other affected people to accompany them through their grief and find their way back to everyday life.
© Carina Ottillinger
Two mothers who lost their children are now starting a discussion group for those affected in Taufkirchen.
The first date is March 14th.
Taufkirchen
– Sarah Otto from Neubiberg was 29 years old when she had to say goodbye to her daughter.
Marie died one day after birth.
Today Otto can speak openly about her grief.
She has a family.
Her children are three and five years old.
She is happy.
Lydia-Maria Schulz from Taufkirchen shares a similar fate.
She suffered several miscarriages.
Today she is also a mother of two.
Both Otto and Schulz work as educators at the Integra family support center and at the Taufkirchen neighborhood help center.
They meet women there again and again with the same stories.
In a discussion group in Taufkirchen, the two star moms now want to give space to feelings.
Talk about the loss of a child
The idea had been floating around in their heads for a long time.
There are many offers for star parents in the city of Munich.
There is the Association for Orphaned Parents and Grieving Siblings or the Star Child Family Association.
There is no open contact point in the district.
Now Schulz and Otto want to close this gap.
For the first time on Thursday, March 14th, all star parents, relatives and acquaintances are invited to talk about the loss of a child in an open discussion group.
Everyone brings their own story to the meeting.
Star parents do not have to appear as a couple.
“It’s a challenge for us to capture individual experiences,” says Schulz.
“But we don’t judge.
There are no comparisons.
Any sadness is justified.”
Everyone can come and go as they please
Those affected decide for themselves whether they are ready to share their loss in a group.
There is the option to just stop by.
The educators want to overcome this hurdle by making the discussion group not just about their own feelings.
A big topic is how to deal with things within the family, with siblings and partners.
If it gets too much for someone, they can always walk out and get back in at some point.
Otto says: “Sometimes something pops up that has to sink in first.” It’s an open group.
The same participants don't have to come every time.
The teachers also offer individual advice in advance to find out whether the self-help group is the right place.
“Some people feel more comfortable in individual counseling and only benefit from a group at a later point in time,” says Schulz.
Own painful experiences
In the exchange session, the two mothers benefit from their own experience.
After the death of her child, Sarah Otto fought her way back into everyday life little by little.
Dozens of questions popped up: “How do I tell my friends?”
Should I go back to work in the daycare?
What do I answer when someone asks me if I have children?” She found answers in behavioral therapy.
After a year and a half, she felt grief, which she also went through with psychological help.
Her support was her family, her husband and an understanding employer.
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For Lydia-Maria Schulz, the loss was not openly visible.
She had early miscarriages.
“I didn’t have any confrontation with the outside world, but rather within the partnership and with close friends,” she says.
There was chaos inside her.
Feelings of sadness, shame, anger and hopelessness were there.
Envy and jealousy.
The negative feelings should not be neglected either.
“Others have something that I would have desperately wanted myself,” says Schulz.
“My life plan is breaking.
I wanted to have children and now I had another miscarriage.” She was frustrated and didn’t know what to do next.
But she didn't give up.
Schulz managed to get her hope back.
She resolved the grief in the family circle.
“It was a capsule,” she says today.
“I would have liked a group back then, but I didn't allow myself.
Can I take advantage of such an offer if I have an early miscarriage?” Today she answers this question with a loud yes.
Ways of memory
Memory is part of the healing process.
Otto's family found a way to remember Marie.
On her birthday, the two children release a balloon for their sister.
Everyone eats cake at the grandparents’ house.
“I know it’s hard to hear, but time heals,” says Otto.
“It’s no longer a taboo topic.”
Lydia-Maria Schulz, on the other hand, has not ritualized anything, “because for me that is in the past.”
Everyone in the group should decide for themselves how they want to remember.
Sarah Otto and Lydia-Maria Schulz wanted to use their story to accompany like-minded people during this difficult phase.
Schulz says: “I can be there for others without falling into my own grief.”
Events
Parents of star children, relatives and acquaintances, will meet for the first time on Thursday, March 14th, at 7 p.m. at the Taufkirchen family base, Ahornring 119. No registration and no costs.
The next appointment is Thursday, May 2nd.