Why didn't I want children?
The moving speech of Ruthie Brodu/Sagittarius 12, Master Chef
The fact that Ruthie Brodo chose not to have children is not new information, and yet, her confession yesterday in an episode of Master Chef still felt as authentic to me as the first time, perhaps because the topic has undergone more emotional processing in recent years.
Of course, I have no idea what she is really going through, but as someone who went through a similar emotional process as much as possible, I can guess that the years when the boundaries between "I chose not to have children" and the fact that even if you chose to do so at a certain moment became blurred, it is never a clean choice.
It's not destiny either (unless it's a medical limitation, of course), but it's always mixed with all kinds of fears.
"I got pregnant twice at the age of 21," she said, "I think my destiny was: 'You won't have children.'" (The full section above)
I, for example, was stuck in my head about my parents' terrible relationship, and the childhood I went through that didn't exactly make me want to be responsible for another lost soul in the world. In addition, anxieties that have been added over time, such as a phobia of vomiting, which I think was "invented" by my subconscious, among other things to prevent this from happening, and to make sure that if I accidentally got pregnant, I would have an abortion. And so it was. I had three abortions (one scraped , one pill, one natural in a kickboxing class after I had already had an abortion - I saved 3000 shekels).Does this mean that I made a conscious decision not to have children? Not necessarily.
Haim Cohen, Ruthi Brodo, finalist of "The Winning Kitchen VIP"/ Keshet 12
This decision can be compared to the decision to sleep with a footballer when you are still under the age of consent - supposedly you did it with full awareness, but in fact what did you know at that moment about your own motives?
That's why Ruthie's confession touched my heart so much.
It had the completion that comes with the next stage in female evolution, a stage where you already admit to yourself that maybe you would like children, but you are not angry with yourself because you realize that you did your best at that time.
I don't pretend to understand what happened to Brodo, but from pieces of things said in interviews I can guess.
Last night a good but tough father was mentioned, and she talks freely about her relationship with Mati.
We all know the open relationship phase that Ruthie and Mr. Brodeau's relationship went through, at her initiative, and know that even though he was also a parent, in the end in his next relationship he produced a child.
The point is that because there are always other things related to the decision not to have children, or in the absence of an "uncle" for the children, as she defines it.
By the way, she also says this with a question mark, when she asks "Why the hell didn't I have an aunt for the children?", which would have given her the courage to do them anyway, like all of them, without necessarily being ready, even so as not to regret it later, instead Living with a big question mark that won't disappear anywhere.
Even yesterday, she said she probably asked herself for the hundredth time - why didn't she actually have this strong desire, and then said the words "What's wrong with me?"
As someone who also didn't have an "uncle" for the children when it was still relevant, I understand the story the best.
It is very difficult to come to terms with being a woman in the world and accept your parentage, without always feeling that there might be something wrong with you.
Well, maybe.
Do not know.
And it's blue and white
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When you can, sometimes it's better not to do it.
Ruthie Brodeau, once/Ruthy Brodeau
So it's true, of course we'll tell ourselves that nothing is wrong and it's okay not to have children, but if you're a woman, this question will continue to haunt you to the grave, probably.
But I also understand this questioning when it's too late for that, and there is no answer and there will never be an answer.
It's just a journey that happens to some people in life, for a million reasons, and that's it, and the most terrible part of this story is the cruelty of nature - there is something merciless in the fact that the age of fertility corresponds to the years that are least stable and most stupid and full of mistakes in a person's life.
Like, in the years I was able to have children, I have no doubt that I was not a good enough mother, nor did I have money to save them for a psychologist later.
In fact, if there was ever a time when I could see myself as responsible for a creature as helpless as a baby, or even a domestic animal, if there was ever a time when I truly felt stable, wise, and capable of accommodating others over my own well-being - it's now - let's say when I reached my peak As an excellent person (because that's what you have to be to raise children - excellent, no less) at the age of 40, even a little later - precisely on the verge of breaking up with a partner, and as fate (or my unique personality) would have it, that's when I began to enjoy my company more than ever.
As if who arranged it so that when you are bad you can give birth, and as soon as you become someone smart who is fun to be with, you are correspondingly both less fertile and less hot.
Look, even the humor has improved.
Really, it's a shame I can't have children now.
We would have a lot of laughs.
More on the same topic:
Master Chef
Ruthie Brodo
pregnancy
birth
Children
fertility