As of: March 13, 2024, 2:28 p.m
By: Nadja Goldhammer
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Stefan Raab is like the Avatar: When the world needed him most to select the ESC talent for Germany, he disappeared.
But not with us.
It starts again.
This year's Eurovision Song Contest is just around the corner.
Even if we Germans will probably displace this again in 2024 because the last place is now made for us.
Of course, we have already taken precautions and thought about which candidates we would send into the race at the ESC.
Today we want to go one step further and get to the core of it all, namely the rules.
Because if we change a few basic rules here and there, then it is no longer so unlikely that we will win again after our victory with Lena Meyer-Landrut...
1. Ballads must be banned in Germany and also songs that simply sound like those from the winner the year before.
I just remember Cascada and “Glorious”, which sounded almost exactly like “Euphoria” by Loreen.
2. Stefan Raab MUST coach the person who competes for us. It finally worked out with Lena.
Stefan Raab has to help out again.
© Sven Simon/Imago;
Panama Pictures/Imago;
Collage: RUHR24
3. At least some country has to take pity on having to give Germany at least 1 point.
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Yes, it's fine that you all don't like us, but at least one point?
Please?
4. The music genre is clearly defined. Only popular music is allowed to play.
And while we're at it, we can send one of the musical combos we didn't know we needed: Helene Fischer and Shirin David!
5. It's like the NBA draft (where the clubs with the lowest budgets can pick up the best young players first before the big, rich clubs can).
Those placed last (like Germany at the moment) are allowed to choose the artist for their country.
You can look around the world and, if in doubt, also put Billie Eilish, Adele or Chris Martin in the running.
6. Or you simply don't know beforehand which artist is representing which country in order to be unbiased.
7. The participant from Germany must not come from a casting show that hardly anyone watches and which apparently didn't really work.
Only if Stefan Raab sits on the jury and can decide everything.
8. Angela Merkel should have her comeback and appear at the ESC.
This GIF alone almost looks like it could come straight from an ESC show.
9. Only Finland and Norway are allowed in other countries... or just Great Britain.
Then, in the worst case scenario, we can still finish last, but at least that means we'll still be on the winner's podium.
10. Marco Gianni MUST enter the race with his song.
At the ESC we want to push the time back every time we are in last place again.
11. Or Teddy Teclebrhan. Just take a look at these outfits!
12. Or quite simply: Lena Meyer-Landrut competes again. It already worked.
13. The losers of the final season get pity bonus points from the jury.
14. Most importantly: The person who arrives on time the most wins.
Are you full of ESC fever?
Then see if you can get 7/10 correct answers in this ESC quiz.
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