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Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that as great as it can be, it is also hell, and as much as we love, this is how we also hurt each other, with considerations, silly fights, and ego antics.
And if you thought cheating was the worst thing that could happen to your relationship, you're wrong - the worst thing that could happen to it, according to relationship expert Debbie Riversummer, is contempt.
Contempt is the biggest predictor of separation or divorce, says Rivers, and her advice echoes one of Gutman's (research institute) "Four Horsemen (of the Marriage Apocalypse)" in relationships.
The renowned Relationship Research Institute said that contempt is "the most destructive negative behavior in relationships."
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Contempt is the most destructive behavior in a relationship/ShutterStock
What is contempt?
Contempt is characterized by the feeling that some person is inferior, and appears in relationships in various forms - for example, "funny" nicknames and names, a sense of superiority, insulting behavior and constant reproach, eye rolls or jokes at the spouse's expense for the enjoyment of those around, friends or family, and even complete strangers .
No one sets out to enter this dark place on purpose - no one fantasizes about a happily ever after that is peppered with a lot of humiliation and disdain (unless it's a specific sexual practice that doesn't usually spill over into the day to day), but destructive patterns are a part of all of our lives, and we all have destructive patterns which are directly related to how we are used to receiving and giving love.
The reasons for such behavior are varied, but basically, anyone who finds themselves in toxic relationships with their loved ones has probably absorbed this behavior at home and simply does not know how to manage relationships in a different way.
It takes a considerable amount of awareness and a lot of desire to correct and change in order to be able to admit to yourself that this is what is happening to you, but whoever is willing to take this step - can undoubtedly heal the wound and find within himself the strength to change for the better the relationships in his life, and especially the one he leads with himself.
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If your love language is "infected" with contempt and ridicule, know that it can be changed, and as a start, you should pay attention to repetitive behaviors in the way you treat your spouse and close friends: "It is
difficult to solve a problem if someone close to you receives the message that you despise and disgust him from him," explained the expert Perth from Australia, adding, "This tends to happen when there is long-term resentment and unresolved problems in the relationship. The continuous negative thoughts about the partner accumulate and become toxic, and come out as contempt that is difficult to hide," she added.
"Contempt is fed by negative thoughts that bubble up for a long time about the partner, and arises in the form of an attack on someone's sense of self-worth. Inevitably, contempt leads to more conflicts - particularly dangerous and destructive forms of conflicts - instead of repair," explained the Gutman Institute. In the post On the topic "It is almost impossible to solve a problem when your partner receives the message that you despise him, condescend to him, and act superior to him", according to Dr. John and Julie Gutman "The cure for contempt is to 'build a culture of affection and admiration for each other' , is a practice that involves intentionally trying to do small positive things for your partner every day.
And therapy, of course.
Go to therapy.
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