Making the decision to be a single mother is an option that becomes stronger every day.
Single motherhood is part of a social context in which for some years now there has been a shift from a single family model to the diversity of different homes.
The latest data from the Spanish Fertility Society (SEF) show that in 2021 up to 33% more in vitro fertilizations (IVF) were successfully carried out compared to 2019 and 29.8% more compared to the previous year.
The new Family Law 2023/2024 also recognizes all types and models of motherhood, including not only single-parent families, where one of the parents, father or mother, is in charge of raising the children, but also includes the term single-parent to define the home in which the woman is the head of the family.
Legislation that accompanies and evolves to avoid discrimination between emerging models and more traditional ones.
However, there is still a long way to go.
“The lack of a legal framework that defines and protects us and that the entire system still revolves around the family with two parents generates historical inequalities,” says Miriam Tormo, president of the Association of Single Mothers by Choice (MSPE), a non-profit organization created in 2007. “There is a deep-rooted false belief in society that we receive a lot of help,” he continues, “when, in reality, there is nothing specific, at most some improved scales such as the Minimum Income Vital or the social bonus, but they still do not put us on equal terms with two-parent families.”
More information
Lorena García, presenter: “Our survival will depend on how motherhood is mentally managed”
The study focuses on the reality of single-parent families in Spain and their protection in legislation.
Conceptual and normative review of single-parent families in Spain,
published in December 2022 by experts in Social Work and published in the
International Journal of Social Work and Wellbeing (AZARBE).
This study recognizes the specific problems of single-parent families in two areas: socioeconomic and psychosocial.
In the first, they verify how these families have a lower economic level, since fixed and extraordinary expenses are assumed by a single parent.
“There is a lack of protection suffered by single parents and the children of these families, whose risk of poverty practically doubles just because of the family model to which they belong,” says Tormo.
These statements are corroborated in the AZARBE
study
, with data such as that in 2018 up to 50% of Spanish single-parent families were at risk of poverty or social exclusion.
“We have fewer days for care through work permits, greater tax pressure and worse access criteria to scholarships and benefits than two-parent families,” adds the president of MSPE.
On the other hand, emotional disorders also tend to be more frequent, although depending on the means of entry into the single-parent family, whether due to widowhood, choice, divorce or necessity.
In general, and as stated in the aforementioned study, “parents usually show physical and mental exhaustion, especially those who are especially vulnerable such as migrants, caregivers, etc., or those who do not have sufficient support, such as family members or friends, for family support.”
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The psychological controversy of whether or not to be a single mother by choice
In this regard, perinatal psychologist Raquel Huéscar, also a professor at the Official College of Psychologists of Madrid, maintains that it is important to have a support network, both in care and emotionally, since if not it can become impossible to raise children. to a son alone.
“It is essential, first, to discuss the experiences of other people around you to make a decision,” she says.
On the other hand, “in addition to daily logistics, a child needs various parental functions, care, support, affection, among many other things,” she explains.
For this expert, the main challenge for single-parent families is to integrate all parenting functions in a single person.
However, established norms, society or morality still continue to have an impact on the decision to have or not have children, and in this sense, factors such as job stability, conciliation, economic reasons, a suitable partner, the loss of Freedom, among other factors, does not exempt the fact that sometimes we idealize what we do not have: “You can fall into the trap of obstinacy that you will not be happy unless you are a mother, out of fear.” or the difficulty of resignation itself,” explains Huéscar.
But there is also maturity and a high level of honesty with oneself and self-love when it is put on the table that, perhaps, in certain circumstances it is difficult to make room for all the attention and energy that a child needs.
“Although it is difficult, sometimes, you can grieve, which means giving up the idea of being a mother to focus on other projects, since there is nothing that will ensure your happiness, not this, not a child, not anything,” adds the psychologist.
However, having a satisfactory experience as a single-parent family in the face of all complications is also possible.
For Huéscar it is important to accept, assume and carry with a certain pride the family model to which one belongs: "For example, wanting someone who fits in means an unelaborated mourning, since one should not subordinate oneself to a couple unconsciously thinking that they will to be better for the child, because it may or may not be.”
In short, for the psychologist, what defines the happiness of a family is not the model.
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