As of: March 16, 2024, 12:00 p.m
By: Kathrin Hauser
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Above the clouds.
(Symbolic photo) © Regina Wahl-Geiger
In the series “Behind the Horizon” people who are often confronted with death have their say.
Today Jessica Ehrlicher, who volunteers to support young people who are dealing with grief.
Peiting – Other people do bungee jumping or computer games in their free time, Jessica Ehrlicher deals with death.
She has been working as a volunteer for the “Ladybug” association for almost ten years, which was founded in 2012 to support children and young people before, during and after the death of a parent.
The field of activity has now been expanded to include the entire family system and young people affected by severe experiences of loss.
“We see our main task as making grief socially acceptable again and creating basic knowledge and understanding of the grief of children and young people,” says Jessica Ehrlicher about the association, which was originally based in Aidenried and is now based in Riegsee.
“Ladybug was founded by Gudrun Huber, who worked in crisis intervention and experienced that the needs of children and young people are often overlooked and there are hardly any places to turn when the mother or father in a family dies.
For example, she learned about a boy whose mother was dying in the hospital, but he didn't know anything about it.
He had been told she was getting better and would recover.
Even after his mother died, no one initially told the boy what had happened.
The boy later said that the adults' lies were the worst thing.
After dealing with the death of a parent in this way, children and young people often have to cope with immense uncertainty in addition to grief.
In order to avoid trauma, to support them and to accompany them in difficult times, “Ladybug” was created.
Jessica Ehrlicher wants to take death and dying out of the taboo zone
Since Jessica Ehrlicher came into contact with the association in 2015, she has been volunteering and putting her heart and soul into the needs of young people who are struggling with a serious loss.
It is important to her to take death and dying out of the taboo zone in which, according to her observations, they are often placed.
In her opinion, these topics need to be dealt with differently: “I would like to see dying and death talked about just as freely and openly as birth.
Both are part of life,” says Jessica Ehrlicher.
She is convinced that children and young people could find a different approach to the end of life and death if their parents would openly deal with it and talk about it.
In her opinion, that's not all: she wants adults to invite children to encounter death.
This begins with child-friendly and open communication about illnesses.
“This includes meeting the dying on their deathbed and saying goodbye to the deceased and touching them.
Because touching means understanding.
When children understand death, it also helps them understand the finiteness of life,” says Jessica Ehrlicher.
In her experience, children and young people grieve differently than adults.
“Younger children are absolutely in the here and now.
“You still have no sense of time and can neither understand death nor finiteness,” says the Peitinger woman.
This also applies if the mother or father of a small child dies.
According to her observations, this can cause a lack of understanding in the event of a death in the family.
“For adults, joy and liveliness after an experience of loss is often difficult to bear,” says Jessica Ehrlicher.
Smaller children - up to primary school age - would also have a very clear idea of what comes after death or where the dead person is.
“Every child knows the place where the deceased is,” says Jessica Ehrlicher.
When she or the other companions of “Ladybug” are called into a family after a close relative has died, they have the affected child draw how he or she imagines the place where the mom or dad is now.
“Many people talk to the deceased.”
Jessica Ehrlicher says that the most amazing places, such as a roller coaster, a trampoline or a beach, are drawn - often in a sky that the children heard about from the adults around them: “The children paint a place where they can Knowing that the deceased is in safe hands.
You see with your heart.”
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Around the age of eight, the child's view of death changes, says the Peitinger.
“From this age onwards, fantasy and reality mix.” Young people learn that death can happen to anyone.
There is often a need for an open conversation when the father or mother has died.
The difficulty is sometimes that the boys and girls outwardly function the same way they did before the death.
“You don’t want to cause problems for the surviving parent or attract attention.
And they want to make the deceased proud,” says Jessica Ehrlicher.
Most young people are very clear about what they think about death and the dead when they are bereft.
“They have their own pictures and come into contact with their relatives through their heart connection,” says Jessica Ehrlicher.
For example, a boy told her that he could feel his dad when he closed his eyes.
“Many people talk to the deceased.”
Jessica Ehrlicher sees it as enriching to be able to exchange ideas about death, dying and what happens afterwards with young people who are in the grieving process in her voluntary work.
“Children and young people have an incredible amount to say about it.
I consider it a gift to be able to listen to them.”
All news and stories can also be found on the Schongauer Nachrichten Facebook page.