As of: March 23, 2024, 4:00 p.m
By: Andrea Beschorner
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You can learn manners: Monika Riesch is a manners trainer.
She has also been teaching children and young people with her anti-blaming program for years - like here at the Karl-Meichelbeck-Realschule.
PHOTO: LEHMANN © LEHMANN
Good manners can seem rare in the age of social media.
But that can change, says Monika Riesch, certified etiquette trainer.
Freising
– Monika Riesch is an IHK-certified etiquette trainer.
So she knows what is appropriate - and what is not.
She has been teaching children and young people at schools for years with her anti-blaming program.
The FT spoke to her about decency, respect and the rude tone that often prevails on social media.
And about how important the “magic words” please and thank you are.
Ms. Riesch, you are an etiquette coach. Do your toenails curl when you look at the comment sections on social media?
To be honest, yes, and I often have the feeling that many people are becoming more and more inconsiderate and the tone is becoming harsher.
It is noticeable that many comments are often aggressive, insulting or provocative.
And what does it look like in real life, beyond the anonymity on the screens? Where do you particularly notice that manners are neglected?
I have the feeling that the fast pace of our time means that things are often hectic.
I think you can see this very well in traffic.
Everyone tries to get from A to B as quickly as possible, is under deadline pressure, and unfortunately consideration for others often falls short.
If we all had more time to treat each other appreciatively or if we consciously took it, many situations would be more relaxed.
The district chairwoman of the Bavarian Teachers' Association, Kerstin Rehm, recently complained in an interview that please and thank you are no longer a matter of course. What consequences does it have in a person's life if, to put it succinctly, one does not know how to behave?
I am of the opinion that the important “magic words” such as please, thank you and sorry promote pleasant and uncomplicated interaction.
If there is a lack of politeness and appreciation towards others, then the threshold of mutual acceptance is reduced.
Living together – privately and professionally – becomes more difficult and so does the willingness to support each other.
So for me the consequences are obvious: you experience less support from your fellow human beings and the points of friction in everyday life increase.
Respect, tolerance and appreciation are the be-all and end-all
And what consequences does this have on society?
As already mentioned before, mutual support and acceptance is decreasing and everyone is increasingly taking care of themselves.
If you don't experience politeness and appreciation, you'll eventually get tired of handing it out.
But the other way around is that by treating others in a friendly manner, I can also put others in a positive mood!
According to the saying of Adolph Freiherr Knigge: “Be interested in others if you want others to be interested in you.”
Can you identify reasons why manners suddenly no longer seem to be so important?
My personal opinion is that a lot of “living side by side” is caused by hectic pace and stress.
Because of the many opportunities to comfortably and effortlessly engage in social media or online, there is often no longer any need to concern yourself with others.
This creates a certain level of anonymity.
This only disappears through personal contact with other people.
When you have time to be interested in another, empathy is also awakened.
Unfortunately, this is not so easy these days because everyone is very busy with their time.
(By the way: Everything from the region is now also available in our regular Freising newsletter.)
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Has the train to convey appreciation, respect and tolerance as basic values ever left the mark?
If we all made an effort to see our counterparts with respect, tolerance and appreciation, then many conflicts would not even arise.
We must not let this train leave – on the contrary: we must continue to fuel it!
How do I behave when I see someone who clearly doesn't adhere to the basic values of coexistence?
Treat this person in a friendly and appreciative manner.
It is often the case that I can influence others positively through my own behavior, but this usually takes patience and strength.
If that doesn't help, tolerance and understanding also have their limits and then you should clearly formulate your own perception with an I-message and pass on your own opinion.
Manners at school - practice early
You also go to schools with your ABP, the anti-blaming program for children aged nine and over. What's behind it?
Have fun and certainly also idealism!
I am firmly of the opinion that constant dripping wears away the stone.
The children's interest in the topic must be aroused; very good conversations and lively exchanges often arise in class.
Good manners are not like a light switch that you simply turn on and then it is light. It is a constant process and a sensitization for other people - that is what I want to achieve with the children and young people.
There is a saying: “You can only lead someone to the well – but they have to drink themselves.”
I want to at least show the children where to find the well.
So manners should be included in the curriculum? Would that be the solution to many problems?
At secondary school I was able to gain many years of experience in the “Dancing Classroom” project, a combination of manners and dance.
I notice that constant, annual repetition can show lasting success and I would find it very welcome if the topic of everyday skills in schools were to be further expanded and incorporated even more into teaching across disciplines.
I realize that this is very difficult and that teachers are already fighting on so many fronts and are reaching their time and personal limits.
A basis from the parents for an appreciative interaction with one another is the basis - if this is missing, it is very difficult to do something right at school, unfortunately the only thing that can be done is to make up for it.
A lot is already happening in schools, but external support through more staff is urgently needed.
What is at the top of your personal list of no-gos when dealing with each other?
Reckless, selfish behavior that disregards and exceeds the boundaries of others.
You can find even more current news from the Freising district at Merkur.de/Freising.