From the 'helicopter' mother to the 'bizum mother': why parenting is accelerating in the digital age

“Our mothers definitely didn't raise like that.

Parenting has become unnecessarily complicated and mothers, especially, demand too much of themselves.”

This is what Eva Millet, author of

Hiperpaternidad,

says .

From the classic, “baby, do you think I make the money?”, we have moved on to: “Mommy, please, make a bizum for María's mother.”

And so, little by little, the helicopter mother of the childhood stage, who carried her backpack and made her the pam bimbo sandwich with little eyes, nose and mouth, transforms into the transfer mother of the adolescent period. .

How many bizums do you do a week related to your children?

The worst thing about banking is this: first of all, you save contacts that you know you will never use again with the stupidest names.

An example:

bizumthursdaymotherparty

.

Secondly, you get that feeling of sending money nowhere because there is almost never a response, that is, no one thanks you because they don't know you either.

Thirdly, they are always small quantities and, almost always, with decimals.

The more complicated, the better.

Of course, luckily the 10,000 euros that the Treasury now requires to be declared are never exceeded.

The best thing about all this banking management: for a few minutes the teenager, daughter of the

bizum mother

, is super friendly.

And she even gives a smile.

Before continuing, it is key to remember that helicopter parents are those whose parenting style is characterized by overprotection of their children with the ultimate goal of avoiding any type of physical, emotional or psychological discomfort.

They are parents who are aware of each of their movements, hence the name, to offer them whatever they need at all times.

The new bizum mother, who certainly retains the spirit of the helicopter parent, is not alone, she is accompanied by the vinted mother (an online community for exchanging second-hand clothes).

Marta tells it in detail: “My daughter has a vinted open to take photos of the clothes, set prices, talk about the fabrics.

She went to Mallorca and forgot to close the p….Vinted.

Well, it turns out that she never buys from him and, suddenly, she received an order.

I had to make the package, find a box, print the paper, part goes inside the box and the rest goes outside.

Then I had to find a distribution place.

Very distracted with

Mr. Vinted

.”

Does all this mean that we do more than our mothers did?

"I don't believe it.

Simply, the way of seeing life, the problems we face and the way we plan our daily lives is different and, therefore, the way we act and resolve situations is also different," he argues. Rosa Rasche, journalist and respectful parenting advisor.

“Our mothers did what they thought was best for us, with the information and tools they had.

Just like us, today, we do the best we can with what we know.”

But if taking care of a baby was a challenge, adolescence is pure adventure.

“Never do so many changes occur in people in such an accelerated manner as at that stage.

It would be a time to start giving more autonomy and relax a little, because the teenager is already more than capable of doing many things on his or her own.

But if the family dynamics have been one of constant supervision, anxiety, parents being chauffeurs, helicopters, personal assistants, managers, bodyguards, that is, hyper-parenting, all of this will generate more work because it will be a fight between that mother who does not want to let go. and that adolescent who wants freedom, but cannot exercise it,” explains Millet.

New technologies facilitate some family dynamics, but they also enslave and subjugate parents.

As an example, another figure has emerged in recent times, the so-called mother location or madreubi.

Cecilia relates her situation: “My almost 13-year-old daughter is the most prone to doing forbidden/dangerous things without warning. There were a few weeks when every time she left the house she was scared to death because she didn't know if she would try to buy tinto de Verano, ride a the basket of a municipal electric bike with a friend or going by bus to explore the world.

I thought 'Location Sharing' would be the solution, but it was much worse.

I found myself one Wednesday afternoon, in the middle of the writing workshop I go to, my two hours of weekly disconnection, compulsively updating the map on my phone because my teenager had told me that she was going to be in the school library with a friend and The location was five minutes away, in the middle of a fenced office building.

I imagined scenarios like they had crossed the fence with a BiciMad and were inside drinking.

In reality, I don't think he does anything that I didn't do when I was a teenager (maybe he's a couple of years early, mind you), but I think that my mother, in her complete ignorance of my whereabouts, was much happier and had a lot of fun. more peace of mind than I have now.

Not to mention that if I look at the location, I look like a control freak or that I violate her privacy, but if I don't, I feel like I'm a carefree mother, and if something happens to her, she wouldn't forgive me."

The conclusion is drawn by Rasche: “Overdemanding parenting continues to exist because we do not know how to manage guilt, because we continue to penalize mistakes and because everything moves so quickly that it is easier for me to do it than to teach him to do it.”

Truths like fists: everything is going very fast.

P.S.

They talk about mothers, but it is interchangeable with fathers.

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