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In his 13th Lenten sermon, Nico Schiffer, alias Brother Barnabas, addressed local politics in his usual smug manner.
© Daniela Skodacek
At the 13th Strong Beer Festival in the Tegernsee Bräustüberl, Nico Schifferer, alias Brother Barnabas, once again served teasing jokes and gave politicians and personalities from the Tegernsee Valley many a verbal slap.
Tegernsee – In his ten-minute welcome to the dignitaries and VIPs, host Peter Hubert made the first points of the evening.
“Unfortunately, Mr. von Löwis apologizes.
He didn't dare come here because there were three Warngauer tractors on Gmunder Berg.
He says it's too hot for him here now," joked the Bräustüberl landlord, but immediately put the joke aside: the district administrator was invited to Markus Lanz' TV show at the same time.
Tegernsee: Lenten preacher Nico Schifferer alias Brother Barnabas gets started
Hubert ultimately left the proper derblelicking to Lent preacher Nico Schifferer.
For the 13th time he put on the monk's habit and, as Brother Barnabas, lectured the politicians of the Tegernsee Valley and beyond.
The motto of his sermon this year: “There is a solution to every problem that is simple, clear and wrong.”
Rampant town hall mania
But Schifferer started with something positive and began with Rottach-Egern's mayor Christian Köck: “You're now grinning at your town hall.
It’s crazy that it wasn’t the legal thinkers who prevailed, but rather those who had a concept.”
Barnabas also congratulated the re-elected mayor of Gmund, Alfons Besel.
“Although that wasn’t an everyday occurrence.
Because his opponent was a lawyer from the CSU.
When I was young, the CSU was elected in Gmund, so they made a fuss and didn't even know what the candidate said." Only the turnout in both decisions was shameful.
“You probably should have asked whether Usmanov should become an honorary citizen, then it would be mehra ganga.”
In Waakirchen there is also rampant town hall mania.
“And I understand the Waakirchners well (…), they always look into the valley and see how completely intact buildings are torn down and millions are spent - fire stations, town halls.
They said: Oh, we would like to play in that too.
Then they build, on a grand scale, a town hall for eight thousand people.
They just had to do a census (…), then they would have found that they only have 5,800 people.”
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Regarding artificial intelligence (AI), Barnabas said: “We urgently need artificial intelligence.
(…) Otherwise it wouldn't have happened that we don't have a swimming pool in one of the richest areas in Germany.
(…) Everyone would use AI.
“It’s just that our municipalities continue to stubbornly try to have analogue local councils.”
Andreas Hofertum in Kreuth
The Lenten preacher recently viewed the fact that the certified mountaineering village of Kreuth wants to close its tourist information center and replace it with a vending machine as a dramatic wrong decision.
“This decision is extremely wrong.
Dear Kreuth local council, people are fed up with the endless machines.”
Barnabas once again celebrated Kreuth's open resistance to the TTT contribution increase: “Being poor is suddenly sexy.
Kreuth is the Eliza Doolittle of the county.
And the otherwise loyal beer cutter Seppi from the CSU suddenly appears like a Basque freedom fighter.
For me, the local council's dashing vote also has something of Andreas Hoferism about it.
Not since the legendary Tyrolean fighter has there been such a courageous decision in the Alpine region.
Bravo and keep it up, free yourself from the shackles of modernity – back to the mountain pastures.”
Nobel Prize for senseless activism
The valley's tourism experts had to listen to a lot of malice anyway: "TTT, expensive valley tourism, that's a very practical choice." Barnabas asked whether you really need to advertise to attract more tourists if you can't cope with them that are coming anyway.
The marketing trip of five TTT employees to the “Berlinale” did not leave Schifferer indifferent: “A little small talk with George Clooney, that will bring our valley forward!
(…) It would be the same as if Besel Alfons was taking the congress with the heart surgeons and Hagn Hannes was taking him to the meeting for the Breton deep-sea fishermen.
Just as sensible.”
About the development of the new app for digital visitor guidance, Schifferer said: “500,000 euros for it.
If it had been smarter to put it in the swimming pool, then at least we would have had a slide!” The ATS, now REO, evaluated thousands of scientific data for the app.
According to Schifferer, who had to audibly gasp, the result of the study culminated in this sentence: “The district tends to be overloaded when the weather is nice, but the crowds are not as big when the weather is bad.
(…) You should inform the Nobel Prize Committee, maybe there will soon be a Nobel Prize for senseless activism.”
Tapping of the Quirinus Doppelbock (from left): brewery landlady Catarina Hubert, master brewer Norbert Stühmer, brewery landlord Peter Hubert, Duchess Anna in Bavaria and brewery managing director Christian Wagner.
The speech was given in the tried and tested manner by Nico Schifferer (below) alias Brother Barnabas.
© Daniela Skodacek
On the subject of dosing traffic lights on the Tyrolean side, Schifferer suggested: “We should do it like Gandhi did with his peaceful protest.
We fall into a passive Tyrolean rigidity - just don't go there." Considering a metering light for the Tegernsee Valley, on the other hand, was not a good idea, said Barnabas to the district administrator.
“The citizen is already being dosed enough and the word traffic light increases well-being in no small part.”
Respect has bottomed out
Sometimes the district office comes with decisions that even open up the bureaucracy's hoof nails, said Barnabas.
“They master their holy code, the only regulation almanac that brings salvation, in their sleep.
(…) The central problem of the people in Miesbach is: They think they are important and enjoy taking advantage of it.
And respect for decisions and community wishes has bottomed out.”
Tegernsee's second mayor Michael Bourjau praised Schifferer for his statement at the swimming pool meeting in Seeform and quoted him as saying: "Let's not make the mistake we made with the fire station because the delay and the Gschnader cost us five million."
(…) Great!
I bet you the new swimming pool will have a slide and a sauna.
Mr. Kohler is sitting back there, that’s the guarantee for slipping saunas,” Schifferer grinned.
Wiessee tourist tax – a “rescue attempt”
When they arrived at the “west bank” of Lake Tegernsee, Barnabas said that evil tongues were already talking about a time “before Peter Höß, Höß/Huber and after”.
Robert Kühn now bears the heavy legacy.
“The Bad Wiessee local council is considering pursuing a partnership with Pompeii because they fit together so well visually.
(…) If you have had eight days of Wiessee behind you, you can easily distinguish a Volvo from a Hitachi, Komatsu or Liebherr by the sound.
(…) Bad Wiessee’s tourist tax is also a “rescue attempt” – every payer is a donor.
Schifferer finally suggested a “sulphur hour gala” to the health resort.
In entrepreneur Haslberger he sees the “assertive alpine citizen with his own legislation”.
He has already infected innocent citizens of the valley with his idiosyncratic way of building.
The most prominent victim is the second mayor of Wiessee and a local councilor from Rottach-Egern.
The couplet from “Huaba Luisi”, himself an architect, would be so fitting: 'Yes, what a spectacle it would be when we did it'.
“Mrs. Trinkl and the Stadler Stasi can now learn that, they have the same virus infection,” Barnabas attested.
No good alternative in sight
The central figure in the circle, District Administrator of Löwis of Menar, on the other hand, got his understanding.
“Dear gentle Scottish Braveheart.
I don't know any local politician who would want to be in your shoes.
(…) You have to play a card game that says Bund on it, but it has to be played in the municipalities and it consists of nothing but ass cards.
(…) But you also have no idea how much we wish you would go out on a limb with Highland Single Malt and hit the table in your stubborn office.
(...)
There are moments when citizens simply don't like it.
The poor people who are stranded here (...) are people, no question about it.
But please don't forget the people who live here and want to continue to live here.
They want or need to plant a synthetic wagon castle in a community that would grow within days, as would otherwise happen in 265 years.
Some are afraid of dying in their homeland, others of losing their home.”
The most difficult thing about the story is that you express yourself clearly without throwing on the disgusting brown habit.
“If there are regulations that force you to do things you don’t want to do, have you perhaps ever thought about the fact that these regulations are no good?”
Barnabas also took a position on the farmers' protests: The farmer's status is an indispensable part of culture that should be highly praised, for which there was plenty of applause.
However, he was particularly critical of the protests in the Tegernsee Valley: “For me, the valley farmers should only protest when the tourist tax is being negotiated, but not when it comes to agricultural issues.
You have a programmed conflict of interest there.
(…)
In the valley, farmers have trouble, they milk the spa guest and the cow.” In addition, the tractor demos were more like “peasant protests light”.
“We registered everything well, didn’t block any driveways and then drove around the lake (…) The Tegernsee farmer is the inventor of the one-sided brutal blockade with a built-in drive-through system.”
Balloon delivery and shuttle service to Achenkirch
After his two-hour sermon, Barnabas saw the future very clearly in front of him: “The last generation is stuck high up in the two trees next to the Rottach town hall;
(…) Von Löwis has a lawsuit on his hands because he tolerates smoking weed in the district office.
Peter Hubert controls his empire from a balloon and plans a balloon delivery with Buzi specialties;
Christian Köck celebrates the inauguration of the new town hall together with his 75th birthday;
Mayor Kühn is overjoyed about the opening of a children's paddling pool (...), which was agreed upon after 21 years (...);
the Tegernsee fire department is crazy - since they got the new fire station there has never been a fire;
Mr. Kausch is supposed to become an honorary citizen of Kreuth, but he refuses because he is going to Hollywood;
(...) the shuttle service to Achenkirch now runs twice a day;
(…) Stasi Stadler and Ms. Trinkl open a boutique for white vests on Seestrasse;
(…) the district administrator is celebrating his hundredth in office and Ms. Brogsitter-Finck will be giving the Lenten sermons in the future because she said: Let the young ones do it!”
by Daniela Skodacek
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