Have you started a second round relationship?
Lawyer Yishai Moyal explains what the chances are that you will stay together/Wala!
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It is also possible to understand things through the negation (to be honest, this is the way people prefer to understand things), so in order to recognize that if we are in a good relationship that is worth continuing, we asked the opposite question:
what happy couples
we know don't do.
You know, couples who have been together for some time, those who look like they have a long life for years to come and probably won't burn the fuse so quickly - why not learn from what they do and don't do, how to maintain and nurture a strong and loving relationship?
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These are the things that people in happy partnerships hardly do.
Disclaimer - we say "hardly" because even people in the healthiest of relationships screw up from time to time - they are human, after all.
But most of the time they try not to make critical mistakes.
Here's what we can learn from them:
You should also talk about the more difficult things - if necessary with a third party/ShutterStock
1. They are not afraid to speak up
No matter how compatible and coordinated they are, no two people will see eye to eye on any issue, and in a relationship, disagreements will inevitably arise.
Instead of sweeping their feelings under the rug to avoid a difficult conversation, happy couples are able to talk openly and honestly about the things that matter, money, families, parenting, sex, and everything in between.
"Leaving important issues unexplored damages trust and leads to resentment and disengagement," Winifred M.
Riley, a marriage and family therapist in Berkeley, Calif., and author of "It Takes One to Tango," told The Post.
"While dealing with these issues requires patience and curiosity, along with courage, happy couples recognize that the reward for being honest and open is a greater sense of connection and a more fulfilling life together."
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2. They don't calculate
Couples and family therapist Amanda Bakro said happy partners don't act like "emotional accountants" to each other, meticulously tallying each other's good and bad deeds.
Accounting is a bad feature in all companies, and it is especially bad between spouses.
It sounds like: 'I always do it for him, but he never does it for me in return' or 'Last week I said it four times, but she only said it once,'" in a healthy relationship, both partners Do things for each other because they want to - not because they expect the other to return the favor.On the other hand, if things are really out of balance, the couple should be able to talk about it in a respectful, non-accusatory tone.
invoice?
Probably!
Bring it on!/ShutterStock
3. They don't monitor
It's a bit of a chicken and egg thing, but unhappy couples and frustrations and disappointments pretty much go together.
No matter what came before why, the tendency to get stuck on the glass half empty creates a distance between them.
Happy couples "accept that neither they nor their partners are perfect, and they are willing to apologize and forgive and are open to 'easy mending of tears,'" said Marnie Feuerman, a couples therapist in Boca Raton, Florida.
4. They don't call each other names
Even in the heat of the moment and in the midst of anger, happy couples rarely, if ever, degenerate into insults or name-calling.
They understand that this type of communication is unhelpful and leads to "defensiveness, negativity and resentment. When an unhappy couple comes into my office, they are usually stuck in communication patterns that include contempt, name-calling and negativity," Bakro said.
"I often hear the couple calling each other idiot, loser, zero, and other derogatory nicknames."
Of course, even people in good relationships occasionally experience anger, frustration and disappointment towards their partner.
But their overall view of their partner remains positive, supportive and respectful,
Openness and trust = privacy/ShutterStock
5. They don't pry
When there's openness and trust in a relationship, the idea of digging through your partner's text messages or emails just isn't that enticing: "In a healthy relationship, it would probably be pretty boring," said Spencer Northey, a marriage and family therapist in Washington, D.C. "Your partner has already told Go for the interesting stuff. Why read his emails at work if it's not your job? Why go through their drawers when you have your own chores to do? In a healthy relationship, there shouldn't be a feeling that someone is hiding something worth finding out."
Equally, strong relationships are able to withstand a small invasion of privacy every now and then - like when one partner stumbles upon something or peeks out of innocent curiosity.
"Accidents, of course, are accidents, and they should be forgiven if they were unintentional - strong relationships can easily navigate through a minor violation of boundaries" he concluded.
Rivals or team?/ShutterStock
6. They don't lie to each other
Healthy couples are able to be open and honest with each other - they don't lie directly or by default.
"In my experience, dishonesty never helps," says Northey.
"At best you get out of it, and then it's a burden you have to bear. But from my observation, it's rare that people get out of it. Defending a lie makes it difficult to maintain a relationship - you need all your energy to be fully present in a relationship with someone, and hiding takes a significant part from this energy".
"Healthy relationships support you to be your true self," Northey said.
"There you are loved for who you are, and truths are accepted without hurtful reactivity. Healthy relationships support a dynamic where truth can thrive."
7. They don't treat their partner like an opponent
Happy couples always remember they're on the same team, said Kurt Smith, a therapist in Roseville, Calif., who specializes in counseling men: "They don't see situations through a winner-lose lens," Smith said.
"When you stop treating your partner as an enemy, it's amazing how much happier your relationship becomes."
Will your mother-in-law come to live with you?
Will you adopt a puppy?
Doesn't matter the subject, but the approach.
Unhappy couples will say, 'No matter what, I do it anyway.'
Happy couples will slow down and look for a way in which both people can say 'yes' to the outcome even if it wasn't their first choice."
Yay, what a perfect relationship we have/ShutterStock
8. Don't take each other for granted
When you've been together for a while, it's easy to get too comfortable in a relationship and stop trying as hard as you did in the early stages.
Some couples end up putting their relationship on autopilot, while the happiest actively go out of their way to nurture their relationship.
"This can be done by weekly date nights, by regularly kissing each other when they get home at the end of the day - with eye contact, a greeting, a hug, or an expression of interest. One should avoid falling into a boring routine - the happy couples find new things to explore together and don't let themselves" "Fall" into a routine - "They look for activities, events and experiences that will inject pan and energy into the relationship," Feuerman said. "They bring new ideas to try with each other and keep a ready heart to participate in them."
9. They are not arrogant
The last thing that can be an excellent indicator of a good and real relationship is the fact that a really good couple will not feel the need to advertise their relationship in any way.
They won't hug and kiss all the time to show how happy they are, they won't bawl their eyes out with endless photos of the couple on Instagram.
A really good relationship does not need external approvals all the time, and is mainly conducted in the privacy of those concerned.
So if you see and hear about their relationship all the time - be worried.
If not, it will probably last a long time
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