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According to a 2021 survey by the Kinsey Institute and Lovehoney, one in four Gen Z adults in the US say they have never had sex. However, 31% of people who have not had sex with a partner have definitely engaged in virtual sex or "When these young
people
say they don't have sex, it doesn't necessarily mean they're sexually inexperienced; On the contrary, it seems that many of them express their sexuality in a different way - and more and more, it's through the Internet," sexologist Justin Le Miller wrote about the survey. They
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, yet the statistics don't paint the full picture. Therapists who work with Gen Z clientele know their innermost thoughts, struggles, and fears surrounding sex and sexuality. Here are some of the concerns they hear most frequently from people in this group.
Have less sex than older generations/ShutterStock
1. Difficulty setting boundaries and expressing desires
While young Gen Zs tend to embrace values like consent, bodily autonomy and pleasure, New York therapist Keanu Jackson said he sees a number of Gen Z clients who continue to struggle to express their boundaries and desires in their relationships. "I run into a bunch of people who are looking for support in learning how to advocate for themselves and be honest about their sexual and relationship needs," Jackson says. Your partner 100% of the time. Not only is this a very dangerous and unrealistic expectation, but it also teaches people that their personal boundaries are less important. This is especially important when there are clear power differentials in the relationship."
To help his clients who struggle in this area, Jackson begins by shaping their own boundaries in the therapeutic relationship, "leaving them room to ask questions and explore their boundaries," he said.
"The therapeutic relationship is still a relationship, after all, and is a powerful source of helping someone build or expand their voice."
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2. Excessive freedom in sexuality
Efron Jenn, a therapist in Los Angeles, said a unique concern she hears from Gen Z clients concerns social pressure to explore their sexuality freely when they're not yet ready or interested in doing so.
"The openness of social media and the social recognition of multiple sexual identities, teenagers feel more pressure to explore themselves and define their sexuality so as not to fit into a box," said Efron. Don't know what I like and everything else does - where does that put me?' I often hear, 'I don't know what I am,' referring to sexual preferences," she continued. "And I ask, 'Why do you need to know right now?'""
For many Gen Z youth, the urgency to define their sexuality comes with its own set of problems, Efron explains. There is pressure to choose a label early on and stick with it, instead of really exploring who they are and what they want, and often, after treatment, the person is able to let go of that imaginary timeline and go back to developing at the pace they would like."
Want to find connections in sexual communities/ShutterStock
3. Discrimination in sexual communities
As a "queer, kinky, and black therapist," Jackson says, "I often receive inquiries from people who want to find connections within sexual communities." Yet, for one reason or another, they felt excluded in spaces that are supposedly 'safe,'" he explained. "Racism , exoticism, and fetishization pose huge risks for black people because our humanity is often ignored in favor of non-consensual objectification.”
In fact, he reports coming across ads for private events that restrict access based on physical appearance—race, weight, height, etc.—or hearing about people who have paid to To participate in a gathering that ended up being denied entry without a stated reason." he said. "Any black person can guess what really happened."
In their sessions, Jackson helps them understand that the internalized shame they feel "has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with ideological and institutional oppression," he explained. "I help them continue to find their strength and find connection in the spaces designed for them."
4. Receiving unwanted photos
Efron's Gen Z clients also talk to her about people sending them unwanted sexual images on Snapchat and other apps where the images disappear after a set amount of time so "no evidence is left behind."
"I once had a young client, around the age of 15, who opened his Snapchat and saw a sexual image sent to him. He felt completely unsafe going back to school and being around the same boy his age, and wasn't sure how to process what he saw," she said. "Receiving an unwanted nude photo can be disturbing and violating. We have processed sexual boundaries and concerns and that it is not only okay to say 'no', but to inform the boy himself that it is not okay. We had to work on ensuring that this image does not become a disturbing thought," Efron said.
"There's no warning when you open Snapchat of what you're about to see, so regardless of setting the boundary that they don't want to be sexual with that person, they're forced to live with an image in their head that they never asked for."
There are still widespread and harmful messages about sex/ShutterStock
5. Performance anxiety
From his Gen Z clients, Jackson hears concerns about erectile dysfunction, and a fear of anal sex especially among the queer, cisgender men he sees, "whether it's active, passive or reluctance to do it. We live in a shame-driven culture, mostly The grief, which assigns a value judgment based on how your body looks, and your sexual ability," he said.
For example, based on the way you look, someone might paste a sexual script on you before you even have a chance to express yourself. If you somehow don't fit the mold that's been created for you, you're likely to be shamed just for being yourself, which of course can lead to increased anxiety about having sex or being intimate with someone."
When he treats people with performance anxiety, he first inquires with them about their early models of sexual behavior, And while comprehensive sex education has become more accessible in the past decade, "there are still pervasive and harmful messages about sex and intimacy that are deeply embedded in our culture that won't go away anytime soon," he said.
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