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When Paz Padilla (Cádiz, 54 years old) lost her husband to a brain tumor, in July 2020, she said to herself: “I have to make sense of this pain. My Antonio has died, but I am still alive and I have to continue.” Nine months later, the actress and comedian published
The Humor of My Life
(HarperCollins), a book in which she narrated the personal work of acceptance that she did to accompany her partner in her last days. The story, emotional but with humorous overtones, became the publishing phenomenon of 2021 and sold more than 350,000 copies. It was followed by a theatrical adaptation that has already been seen by more than 120,000 spectators. Now, Padilla returns to bookstores with
Madre!
(HarperCollins), a book about the life lessons she learned from her mother, Doña Lola, who died a few months before Antonio Juan Vidal.
“I always say that you can get out of a hole, but not from a pit. Now the meaning of my life is to be a ladder: to share with others everything that has helped me get out of the hole. Everything you learn must be taught. I am not a teacher, but I consider that I can help others,” she explains. During the conversation, she cites some of the teachers who have helped her in her grieving process: neurologist and psychiatrist Boris Cyrulnik, eminence of resilience; the psychiatrist and scientific communicator Luis Gutiérrez Rojas, and the neuroscientist Nazareth Castellanos, who studies the interaction of the brain with the heart, the intestine and other organs. “I'm a bit of a geek. I am always reading and going to courses. But
It's that I need to understand how my brain works and why I am happy despite everything. I lost my father, my mother and my husband, but I have never stopped being happy. Never,” she assures.
More information
How long do you have to wait to rebuild your life after the death of a partner?
Padilla travels throughout Spain
giving talks in which he talks about his history and what he has learned over the years. He has also become a social media sensation: he has almost 2.5 million followers on Instagram and 36 million
likes
on TikTok. He sometimes cries, but he never stops laughing. “Humor allows us to take off our shell and talk about what scares us. Death does not sell in this society. We hide the pain, the misery, the sadness... But we must always keep death very close.
They don't teach us to let go and that is the first thing we have to learn: to let go, to suffer. That's not what TV sells. That's why when I give talks about loss, people come to see me. People need to talk about this,” she notes.
Ask.
Her new book,
Mother
!, is a tribute to her mother, but also to all women. I have understood it as a feminist demand. Did she write it with that intention?
Answer.
Yes. My mother was my reference and she, at the same time, had her mother as her reference. They were empowered women, but no one told them that they were. They knew it, of course, because they always threw
go ahead with everything as it were. My grandmother had to survive in the Civil War and my mother in the post-war period. The scenario may change, but we are always main actresses. All women are made of the same flesh and we face the same situations: we take care of the family, we lose our husbands or they leave us. Look at my case: my grandmother, my mother and I, three generations who have raised the family. And they have never told us that we are great women.
Q.
A few years ago the manager of the comedy club La Chocita del Loro (the most emblematic room of the Madrid stand-up scene) said that the level of women “is lower for doing humor.” Are comedians underrated?
A.
When I started, 30 years ago, there was Lina Morgan and little else. There were comic actresses, but there were very few comedians who got on stage. Because? Because we women have always been educated to be politically correct. And to be a comedian you have to be transgressive. Society keeps telling us: “You have to be very cute.” And it's hard to break with that. I have been a comedian in a man's world. And I always say that we have to thank those women who had to adorn themselves with feathers and sequins and who acted as showgirls when, in reality, they were comedians. But yes, in this country being a comedian has been very frowned upon. One day a man said to me: “What does your mother think about you dedicating yourself to this?” As if she dedicated me to a happy life. I don't know if we are up to it or not, but the more we are, the better. There is room for everyone and all types of humor. I, for example, have tried to make intelligent humor, but I can't. I promise you I've tried (laughs).
Q.
Now there is a whole new generation of women who succeed doing intelligent humor in theaters,
podcasts
and YouTube.
A.
Sadness and pain are universal, but when it comes to humor, everyone has their own. Each one connects with their audience. Mine is a humor of coarse salt, which reaches the majority. The important thing is to make people laugh because laughter abstracts you from pain and sadness, it makes you release endorphins, the hormone of happiness, and that helps you get out of the hole.
Paz Padilla, during the play 'El Humor de mi vida', in September 2021 in Madrid.Cordon Press
Q.
In your book you tell how you went through a double mourning: the death of your mother and shortly after that of your husband. What things helped you get out of the hole?
A.
When my husband died, what happened to my mother had just happened. She already knew the process and its stages: anger, denial, excitement and euphoria... When you know the desert you have to cross, you better understand what you are going to feel. You understand yourself and then you don't punish yourself, you live it in a calmer and more peaceful way.
Q.
The grief passes, but does the feeling of orphanhood or widowhood remain?
A.
Words have a lot of weight and can sink you. Widow or orphan are ugly words. I don't want to think that I am a widow or orphan because for me that would mean that I can't rebuild my life, that I can't fall in love again or that I can't feel again. I accompanied my husband in the process of living and dying, and the same with my mother. I will always remember them with joy. If you fight to forget, you are doomed. We must remember with love and gratitude.
"You can get out of a hole, but not from a grave," says Paz Padilla, who lost her mother and husband in 2020. Álvaro García
Q.
Your first book sold more than 350,000 copies. The public's support is unquestionable. Has she felt equally supported by the literary sector?
A.
One day a journalist who writes books told me: “How come your book sells so much? Must see!". She said it with a contempt that hurt me. Not because she insulted me, but because she insulted my readers. I responded, “Why don't you write something that people need or want to read?” I don't claim to be a writer and I didn't write that book to get recognition or an award. Although I will admit something to you: when the Kings invited me to the Cervantes Prize luncheon at the Royal Palace, I looked at the sky and thought: “What a beautiful gift.”
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A post shared by Paz Padilla (@paz_padilla)
Q.
In your book you talk about your time as host of
Sálvame
, but you do not mention the program by name. Is it an open wound?
A.
There is everything. Learning, love, companionship, sadness, pain, grief...
Q.
Would you present a program like
Sálvame
again ?
A.
I think not. There are places I no longer want to be. I am not a conflict queen.
Q.
But you have just returned to Telecinco afternoons. Has it been difficult for you to take that step?
A.
No, because I return with the idea of making humor. I want to offer the best of me. I want to be where there is humor and love.
Q.
Your mother really liked to talk about sex. What is sex like after 50?
R.
Well look, badass. There is the drop in estrogen. Ask any menopausal woman. We have to make women over 50 visible. There is wrinkle, there is vaginal dryness, there is lack of libido... In my book I vindicate that: the old woman. My mother became pregnant with my little brother when she was almost 50 years old and was embarrassed. Society told him: “At that age you should no longer have desire or pleasure.” I don't want to feel ashamed of sex or anything.
Q.
Once your mother told you: “You don't even need a man to get off.” He was right?
A.
Always, and I say this to my daughter, Anna [Anna Ferrer, a popular
influencer
]. We don't need validation from a man or anyone.
Q.
Your daughter has just become independent. Are you feeling empty nest syndrome?
A.
No. I have not raised an eagle to live in a pen. I have raised her so that she can fly.
Q.
Before she died, her mother told her: “I don't
care about
you .” That remains?
R.
I have to continue letting go. I want to be left with only the skin. And make a musical about
Mother!
You have to put joy in life.
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