"It's so hard to grow up without a dad"
Former footballer Yair Azoulay, who successfully managed and coached the Reds Ashdod this season, lost his charming father in the second flint disaster in Lebanon when he was 6. "Although 39 years have passed and I have almost no memories, I feel closer to him today than ever."
Special for Memorial Day
Yaniv Tuchman
04/05/2022
Wednesday, 04 May 2022, 06:30
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"Unfortunately I do not have many memories of my father," Yair Azoulay takes a deep breath.
"I was only 6 years old when he was killed and the memories are almost non-existent. Maybe a little bit he takes me for a bike ride or when he puts me on his shoulders and we go to watch football, but it might also be pictures I connect to myself trying to remember as much as possible."
Azoulay (44), who served in the successful season of the Ashdod Reds in the national league as a professional manager and as a coach in a team with Idan Shrikki, recorded a very rich career of 20 years as a brake and played in a variety of teams.
Not many know the story of his life, as someone who lost his father, when he was only 6 years old.
I ask him the day before Memorial Day one of the hardest questions for a son whose father was killed in the military.
Would he have preferred to be older when he lost his father and then enjoy more years with him with more memories, or was it harder because then the longing for something much more tangible, would not let up.
"It's a really difficult question," he replies.
"Losing someone when you're older, it seems to me the hardest thing there is. But I can tell you about me, that I was only 6, and about my siblings who were younger than me, that it's so hard for me to grow up without a father. It's so sad and especially when you grow up and you Understand how many things you lost along the way. Especially today when I have four children, I do not have a day when something does not remind me of what I lost. I grew up in this space that I have no father. Maybe if I was older when it happened, I could say I enjoyed something. I enjoyed it at all. I did not get to enjoy having my dad. What do you remember when you are only 6 years old? ".
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"I do not have a day when something does not remind me of what I have lost."
Yair Azoulay (Photo: Liron Moldovan)
"I asked myself why I do not have enough memory from Dad. I have a 3-year-old son and I have been through it fully to this day. So how come I do not remember enough things from Dad? Maybe it's through the world, but it's hard."
The death of Maxim Azulai, Yair's father, occurred on November 4, 1983, in what was called the Second Tire Disaster.
After the first Lebanon war, a car bomb exploded near the entrance gate to the IDF headquarters and the Border Police in Tire, killing 60 people, including 16 border police officers, 9 IDF soldiers and 3 GSS personnel.
It is called the Second Flight Forbidden, because a year earlier on November 11, 1982, the first flint disaster occurred in which 91 people were killed.
"I was not at Dad's funeral because I was so small, but from what I remember from stories it was a day of mourning in Ashdod because three of the townspeople were killed in the disaster. Ashdod was then a small town, maybe 50,000 inhabitants, and everyone knew everyone. Dad's death left "My mother is a very young widow with three small sons. I grew up in this reality."
You have four children today.
Two have already crossed the age at which you lost your father.
Did it sit in your head when they reached the age of 6?
"Unequivocally, yes. When my eldest daughter reached the age of 6 and the son after her reached the age of 6, I asked myself how I do not remember much from my father. After all, my two older children went through a lot with me until the age of 6. I asked myself why I do not have enough memory from a father "
Maxim Azoulay loved football but did not play football.
Yair was also drawn to the game through his uncles, his father's brothers, and through his mother's large family.
He started playing for Hapoel Ashdod's children.
One moment he especially remembers.
"When I was 11 and we played in the state cup final against Hapoel Tel Aviv, there was a huge celebration around our team. I remember all the fathers of my friends went down to the grass after the game and took pictures with their sons and I was looking for my father who of course was no longer with us. 44 years old and remembers this case 33 years ago. It burns very strongly in my heart. Along with that I realized life very quickly and as I get older I feel more like he is with me. Even if it's just a spirit or a soul, I feel like a father with me. My pain today even "More depth, because I have four children. Today I miss him even more, even though I do not have many memories of him."
"As I get older I feel more like he's with me."
Yair Azulai celebrates in Hapoel Ashkelon uniform (Photo: Berni Ardov)
"Mom was 23 when Dad was killed and left a very young widow. She was actually a child. What is age 23? It took her many years to recover and she had to raise us alone."
Have you always been the only one in the gang who lost Dad in the military?
"Yes. I had no friends at school or on the football team who lost Dad. Our case was very well known in the city because we were left with three small children without a father who did not return from Lebanon. "Bereaved for this long list. Dad was 29. He was a bodyguard. He was a gunner and was in a building there when the inferno car exploded. He was killed on the spot."
Did you talk a lot at home about bereavement?
"We talked. We have a very large family, so talk. It's better to talk about it and teach the children. Not everyone is open to the subject. It's very sensitive in the family but there are people in the family who could talk more."
Where do you feel you have a scar?
How did death and bereavement affect you?
"I learned to live with bereavement, no matter how hard it is. I realized that life has to go on. At first I would ask why it happened to me. But faith and life taught me that this is the state and unfortunately pay a price here. It is a scar for life. "It takes half a thought. Something small. Enough something that popped up during the day and I think about it. I have no memories but I still feel like Dad was with me."
Mom went on to raise you alone.
"Mom decided to be left alone without a spouse. She did not get married and she did not have a spouse either and we would be happy if she could find someone because being alone is not fun. She was 23 when Dad was killed and remained a very young widow. She was actually a child. What is age "It took her many years to recover and she had to raise us alone even though we had families on the father and mother side who helped a lot. A big family is a lifeline. It helped us a lot."
"A case so similar to the one we went through when the father was killed and the woman was left with three small children."
Barak Lufen (Photo: Courtesy of the family)
"I talk to him. I feel like he's with me, there. Even if they tell me it's not normal what I'm feeling, I'm still being helped by it. The minutes I'm alone by his grave, help me a lot."
I guess a case like that of kayaker Barak Lufen who was killed in a terrorist attack at the Ilka pub last month and left a widow with three small children, really bounces you off.
"Wow, you do not know how right you are. This is a case so similar to the one we went through when the father was killed and the woman was left with three small children. Every case of bereavement, death makes me jump. If it's a child's loss, I remember my grandparents losing Dad If it's like the case of Barak Lufen who was murdered, I think of his children who will have to grow up without a father as we grew up. I'm recovering. "
Memorial Day is something that makes it easier for you?
What is it about this day that is different from what it is all year long?
"Every day for me is Remembrance Day. But Remembrance Day has the support of the whole country that unites around the families who have been so hurt. The fact that the state unites around the people who were killed for the sanctity of the land helps me. This day does not make me sadder, but naturally the pictures go up "The stories then are a special day. A holy day. Everyone remembers and is sad and it makes you even sadder."
How many times a year do you go to Dad's grave?
"I get quite a lot out of it. I come at the beginning of months, at memorials of course. People who were killed are said to be royal heroes, so for my part I see my father as a royal hero. When people go to the rabbis to receive a blessing, I go to receive a blessing from my father at his grave. I pray "There. I talk to him. I feel like he's with me, there. Even if they tell me it's not normal what I'm feeling, I'm still being helped by it. The minutes I'm alone at his grave help me a lot. That's what I have left."
"When people go to the rabbis to get a blessing, I go to get a blessing from my father near his grave."
Yair Azoulay (Photo: Liron Moldovan)
A child, a bereaved wife, parents who have lost a son.
How do you map out the pain map you went through?
"My mother was like a lioness fighting for our growth. My grandmother and grandfather did not experience a single day of true happiness after my father was killed. I lived with my grandmother quite a bit and experienced many moments with her. Even when we went to family weddings, she always said everything was perfect But also that it can not be perfect because my father is not with us. "
Describe to me a bar mitzvah without a father.
"Not normal. No bar mitzvah, no wedding, no canopy. Tears, sore throat. At my wedding it was hard for me to remember it. When my brother got married it was very hard for me. Even now the tears suffocate me. At my little brother Steve's wedding it was hard for me to mention "It was very difficult for me."
"When I first came to the Premier League I wanted him to be with me."
Yair Azulai (Photo: Kobi Eliyahu)
There were children in the extended family who must have gone to my gut.
"Certainly. The family is very big. There is always increased fear and apprehension because of what we went through. Because of the trauma we experienced. But we understand that we have no other country and we are ready to fight for it."
You were probably not close to me because you lost a father and because you played football and yet how would you feel if your sons wanted to go to me in a few years?
"I would not want to deprive them of it. If they want, I will respect. I would be happy if they did not ask, but I will respect anything because death can catch you anywhere. It's true that inside me you are more exposed, but unfortunately it can catch you like we saw at a bar in Dizengoff. In the center of Tel Aviv. "
Has bereavement strengthened you or weakened you?
"No doubt he fortified me. I knew life went on and you had to help yourself, help at home. Be a man. The wound exists and you can not change it but you have to make it a challenge. I was glad I had support from family, my mother and of course that I am a believer. I was strong, I was sinking. "
"No one could have predicted we would make such a successful season."
Yair Azoulay (Photo: Liron Moldovan)
You told about his disadvantage then in the children's team of Hapoel Ashdod when you won the cup.
I guess even in adulthood his absence, was noticeable.
"Certainly. In my professional career it is clear. When I first reached the Premier League I wanted him to be with me. When I reached the cup final with Bnei Yehuda. In the crucial moments of last season's playoff with Hapoel Ashdod, I can tell you something few know The rise. Before every game I went and asked him to help me make so many people happy that they wanted us to go up a league. I believed that if I went to him, it would bless me and we really made four wins. I went up to his grave four times in the playoffs and won four times. I do not do it all the time. "I believe in hard work and results on the field, but last season something made me go and say that the blessing will not hurt."
This season, too, you succeeded in the national league above expectations.
"It's an amazing season what we did. With such a shake-up. With a breakup. With a coach who went home and if we got to a situation where two, three games to the end of the season we still had some chance of advancing to the Premier League, it's a dizzying success. Everything we went through. "
One last cycle remains.
"I hope we beat Hapoel Petah Tikva this weekend and finish in fourth place. It will be a stamp for a great season for a team that was promoted from the first division and went through so many events and still finished great."
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Israeli soccer
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Memorial Day for the victims of the Israeli military and the victims of hostilities
