SPIEGEL : Mr. Walschburger, there are people who dread Christmas. Where does it come from?
Walschburger : We are shaped by our experience. For example, I had a Catholic childhood. When I started studying psychology, I was increasingly critical of religion, but I can't deny my upbringing to this day. The writer Martin Walser aptly summarized this in a poem: "I am bound to Sunday / like a melody / I have not found another / I do not think so, but I kneel".
SPIEGEL : What does that mean for people who don't like Christmas?
Walschburger : As a rule, you have experienced that Christmas is associated with conflicts. Some also have memories of deceased relatives who overwhelm them. They develop a defensive stance from self-protection. You then no longer get involved in the social, but also emotional rituals, the lights, smells and music and therefore cannot enjoy them.
SPIEGEL: What role does the usually high expectation of Christmas play?
Walschburger : It is a major source of frustration. The demands are often huge. The grandmother decided to put a perfect roast goose on the table, everyone should get on well, and there were exactly the right gifts. This mostly has little to do with reality. Disappointments are inevitable. In addition, the preparations for a perfect party are often so exhausting that they reduce anticipation.
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SPIEGEL: How do you prevent this?
Walschburger : It can help to plan a smaller party from the start with simple food and no or only a few gifts. In preparation for the meeting with the relatives, it is useful to play through the day mentally and in conversations as specifically as possible. This creates a more realistic expectation. This is especially true for celebrations with family members with whom you have little or difficult contact throughout the year.
SPIEGEL: What is the problem at the festival with relatives that you rarely see otherwise?
Walschburger : Very different worlds meet here. Uncle Erwin says that he became an AfD member while the granddaughter sympathized with the Greens and lived strictly vegan. The grandfather insists on classic roles, his daughter-in-law works full-time with two children and yearns for recognition. If you prepare for possible conflicts beforehand, you can deal with them more relaxed at Christmas.
SPIEGEL: That still sounds exhausting. Doesn't it make more sense to cancel such family celebrations?
Walschburger : You have to weigh this up in individual cases, because Christmas actually has great potential to enrich our lives and to strengthen social ties. Before you withdraw from the family, you should check yourself. It may be worth giving relatives a second chance by approaching the festival with more realistic ideas and by resolving to be open to traditional rituals. If the conflicts are permanently too big and the injuries are too deep, it may be better to increase the distance.
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SPIEGEL: How do you spend the holidays?
Walschburger : Even Christmas without a family can trigger frustration. Everyone is talking about the festival of love and you are sitting alone in front of the Christmas tree. But there are usually alternatives. You can limit the dates to family members with whom you also maintain contact or get together with friends. This reduces the risk that unrealistic expectations arise because you know better what you are getting into. When you are in a relationship, you can also use the time to enjoy togetherness and peace.
SPIEGEL : What are you doing at Christmas?
Peter Walschburger : My wife and I have been spending the festival in a small mountain village in Austria for many years. Everything is very traditional there. Each resident has his or her job to prepare the festival. In the evening everyone goes to church together, there is candlelight, incense and singing. It has its magic, our brain is programmed to find these social rituals beautiful.
SPIEGEL: Why don't you celebrate with your family?
Walschburger : We have no children and our parents have already died. In such life situations, it makes sense to spend Christmas with people you are not related to, but who have similar expectations to Christmas time as you do.
