One day, almost without realizing it, Nayibe, 44, found that her teenage children had become two strangers with whom she argued daily. His 15-year-old daughter spent her idle hours watching stories on Instagram and waiting for her dose of likes. “Her obsession was looking at the photos of others. Whatever the people she was following did, she envied she was not doing the same, ”she explains by phone from Cádiz, where the family lives. Her 17-year-old son was not separated from the game console. “At the beginning, we detected that when he finished playing he got a little nervous. And it got worse, ”says Nayibe, who prefers not to reveal her last name. The aggressive attitudes and discussions around their use of the devices escalated so much that the family had to seek professional help.
Phase 1: "There are no addicts here"
It was a workshop on addictions at his son's institute that led this family to Proyecto Hombre. At first, says the mother, everyone in her house took her for crazy. "There are no addicts here," was the general complaint. But the situation became "totally unsustainable" and they agreed to go to a special program called Proyecto Joven, aimed at teenagers and children who abuse technology. “The most common profile is among young people between 12 and 17 years old, although there are also occasional cases in adults,” explains María del Carmen Tocón, director of the Young Project at Proyecto Hombre Cádiz, the center that Nayibe attended with her family. Within that age range, between 6 and 9% of Internet users have addiction problems, according to the Higher Institute for Psychological Studies, although it is difficult to know how many young people abuse technology.
"They said they weren't taking drugs and they didn't see any problem." This is one of the main pitfalls that must be overcome at the beginning of treatment. “Realizing that you are not having healthy behavior is very hard, even for adults. Meanwhile, other things can be worked on ”, agrees Devi Uranga, director of the addiction service of the Community of Madrid, a pioneering public service in Spain that also treats adolescents who have been detected an abusive use of the new technologies. "It is important that they become aware of the problem they have because that brings many changes, but it requires patience and tuning into the adolescent's rhythm." When they realize it, they begin to commit to the process and take responsibility for what is happening to them.
Phase 2: Limits and social skills
“After seeing how nervous he got before and after playing, we tried to keep the child from using the game console much,” explains Nayibe. As a first solution, they came up with limiting the time spent playing. But when it was time to turn it off, she would get aggressive, saying that only a few minutes had passed and accusing her parents of wanting to deceive her. “We put a timer on him so he was aware of how much he was playing. But at two hours, he continued to assure that only 15 minutes had passed ”. Added to this was his obsession with watching YouTube videos of gamers . Suddenly, Nayibe and her husband found themselves arguing loudly with their son on a daily basis.
"It was frustrating because I had set many rules, I had done everything possible so that this situation did not happen." Nayibe assures over the phone that her hair stands on end when she remembers it. In this case, the inflexible limits were backfiring. “In the first session, the children were given a paper with the new rules. My son asked me if I was willing to comply with them: they were less restrictive than the ones I put at home ”.
“Establishing rules of use from the beginning depends on each case. In some situations, but almost never, it is recommended to completely remove it for several days. Only if the abuse is affecting their development to a high degree ”, explains Devi Uranga, director of the addiction service of the Community of Madrid. "We began to provide rules and limits, encouraging responsible use, with a schedule, in specific spaces, respecting the time they are with the family or at the educational center," adds Tocón.
“After adolescents understand that they need treatment and establish limits, group therapy is used to work on the development of social skills: listening, empathy, respect for others, solidarity and impulse control ”. One of the most common symptoms among adolescents with addiction to video games or technology is precisely the deterioration of social skills and the increase in family conflicts. “Their ability to resolve conflicts is reduced and they begin to abandon their daily personal and family responsibilities. Also educational: school failure is very significant. They begin to spend more time indoors than outside the home and increasingly spend more time alone with their devices, ”explains Tocón.
Phase 3: Trust again
"It is important to understand that nothing is ever 100% the responsibility of those who have the addiction," explains Uranga. “It is not just theirs or the generation they were born into or their parents. It is necessary to see how all these factors are related to have given rise to this dysfunctional attitude. The important thing is to learn to take responsibility for the part that corresponds to each one ”. Precisely for this reason, therapies with adolescents who have problems with technology usually involve the whole family.
Problematic behaviors that occur before going to treatment make the family very emotionally conditioned. "They come home with difficulties, everyone is angry and they no longer trust each other, most likely, because there have been deceptions and even robberies," explains Tocón. "As part of the treatment, an attempt is made to reestablish the damage that has been done in family relationships."
Distrust is generated because the family does not know very well what is happening and why their children have changed their behavior. “The family is very sensitive to people addicted to substances. They are very alert because it is something obvious. However, addiction to technology or video games goes unnoticed more easily because they do not know exactly what their children are doing with their mobile phones ”, explains Marian García, an addiction expert at the National Council of Psychology. “As much as I have taken care of them… You think: at what point did this happen and I didn't realize it? No one can imagine the risk of believing that your child is safe just because he is with you at home. Relax. You think: I'm seeing it, nothing is happening to it. But it is happening to him ”, Nayibe is sincere.
Phase 4: The problem behind the addiction
Nayibe's daughter could not live without receiving feedback from Instagram. She would upload her photos to pages where other users put a note on her. Nayibe was alarmed when she discovered this behavior of her daughter, especially when she saw that the images that the users sent were more and more provocative: this way they got better grades. Her dependency ended up affecting her self-esteem and self-image. “She told me that she hated her legs, that she looked fat; She ate it all or suddenly stopped eating. Instagram sapped his morale, "says Nayibe.
This need to receive likes and compliments was what kept her daughter hooked, not realizing that it was hurting her self-esteem. “I have had cases of people who come to the office with problems with likes . They want to have more than the rest, to be more important, more loved. This generates discomfort, dissatisfaction, very low self-esteem and even depression ”, explains García.
Therefore, another part of the treatment consists of working with adolescents in their emotional area. “They probably have complexes and feel inferior. They can be very smart and aggressive, but behind them there is a low self-esteem, a very deteriorated image of themselves ”, explains Tocón. "They feel incapable of solving problems they have outside and they stay playing, which is what they do well." The key is to find out what they are covering with the excessive use of social networks and that need to like others to feel good. "There is a part of the reward for little effort or flight, the need to fill a void that can be distressing and that you do not know how to manage in any other way," adds Uranga.
Phase 5: Living with technology
Video game addiction and technology abuse share many characteristics with drug addictions. "What they seek by playing is the same as what they seek by consuming," explains Tocón. The reward system works in a similar way in both situations: During an addiction, the brain does not secrete dopamine naturally or needs more than it has. Video games, social networks, devices, behaviors such as compulsive shopping or substances become the pleasant trigger that generates dopamine. When the brain needs it again, the addict will use or play again to get it.
But unlike other addictions in which it is sought that the addict is not in contact with the substance again, in the case of technology, it is sought that he learns to use it. "It is complex because the limits are diffuse: we do not expect adolescents to live without technology, it is impossible. We have to get them to learn to use it well ”, explains Uranga. Nayibe's children are learning to do it by being aware of the limits. For now, they have started using the landline to talk to their friends. She has regained her self esteem. "It looks beautiful," says Nayibe. He has sold the game console and has bought a bicycle.
/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/45YBKTPDNNEPPK2E3GCF3LSJSI.jpg)
