Without the oppressive aunts and the drunk uncle, with no traffic jams on the way, and with a safe distance between the West Bank and the West Bank • This year's Seder will be remembered in the history of our people no less than tearing the Red Sea

With all due respect to the tradition of two thousand years, this year's order is going to look different. In the nuclear family circle, without the drunk uncle dancing with a glass of wine on his head (he can do it in apps like Zoom or Skype, but he risks that in the middle of the show, the wine will spill on the cellphone).

It's very fashionable these days to talk about the lesson the universe is giving us about excessive consumption, modesty and mutual guarantee. And if the universe is really trying to send us a message through a Chinese bat, that message is particularly noticeable in the changes that are expected on the Seder.

All those who previously made davins and told how to order a luxury hotel for thousands of shekels will not find any hotel open this year. If you still make the order this year at this year's hotel, my condolences. Probably you are sick in Corona and are housed in Dan Panorama.

Anyone who has been complimented for years and invited to order others without pointing a finger at cooking, and his contribution to the event totaled buying a mumps jar and earning a second glass, finds himself this year on his shoulders - including reading the Haggadah, shopping and cooking, although he is not closed if anything Who eat or one of the ten blows.

Anyone who was always upset about the traffic jams and having to go out at three to get to Haifa at six would now be ready to drive a full day with a pot of Kneadleech soup on their knees, if only they could start the car that hadn't been moving for two weeks.

Anyone who, at the end of the Seder, wails why he should return Grandma in the middle of the night and what happened, who will take a taxi - will now be ready to carry her from Haifa to Tel Aviv on her back just so she is not alone.

The big dilemmas of the Seder will be how beautiful it is to dress up for an event where no one is worth taking their eyes off with a new dress, and if for an event that takes place in an app that takes only half a body anyway, it is legitimate to come with a festive shirt and underwear. In any case, if you arrived at the Seder with a spare tire in your stomach, you could always claim that "the zoom is known to add five pounds."

If you thought the order was going to be short because of the minority of attendees around the table, consider another 40 minutes of explaining to Grandma how Skype works, another 30 minutes in which she accidentally photographs the vase behind her, a network crash due to clutter, and the time it would take to explain to Uncle that it's not the most aesthetic Pinning his hairy ear to the camera to hear better.

A second thought is also needed regarding the open door policy for Elijah the Prophet. This is a person who is undoubtedly a risk group, whatever you have no idea where he was before, what cup he touched, and what flight he took to heaven.

On the national level, it would be sad to see no one buying holiday gifts and the malls empty. On the other hand, no one now has the money to spend on a set of plates, and even if you have received slips from the employer (by mail or with a dove), you are at most able to access the writer and purchase tuna boxes with them. The country's chametz sale will have to be made online this year, or through a courier on a scooter.

Anyone who has always wanted to escape the order in favor of a Chametz-saturated vacation in Tuscany, now thanks God that he is not on a boot-shopping trip in Boot Country, and is glad he is stuck at home, healthy. Although the arrogant, who are used to getting your eyes out over the holidays with Instagram photos from luxury resorts, will probably continue to upload the same photos, this time with the caption "Here I Should Be Now."

Every year on Passover, those of us who exaggerate the matzah come to their sort, and their bowels are clogged with mortar and brick. Only this year it is advisable to restrain the matzah, because anyone who arrives in the emergency room these days may be constipated may be his last problem. On the other hand, it may be that at the end of the holiday we will find that the matzo has even broken the virus, he will return four to the cave of Chinese bats from which he emerged, and come to the Redeemer.

Until then, it's time to enjoy the best of Haggadah hits in a recent version.

Sharp

Bat with soy sauce, chinese dazbin in tari zuzi, sharpie, sharpie.

And I went to Sinaia and ate an Atelfiya, Had Gadia, the dubacia.

And Etta Sinaia sails on a ship, Cruziya Japani pasted a retiree,

Sharp Gadia, The Adhesive.

And Etta from Crozia and went to Italy and ate lasagna, sharp gadia, pasta.

And Etta Lasagna and pasted the waitresses, champagne, sharp-eyed, delicious.

And Etta Meltzeria and flew in Iberia and knew Spanish, Haddadya, the Dabakia.

And the Korean Etha on a Christian trip and traveled in Tiberias, Hadi Gadia, the Dabqia.

And they will go to Mionia and sit in isolation, shut down Sa'adiya and stop her deliveries and Allah Yusthuria, Had Gadya, the Devakya.

And the angel of death and the slaughter of Melania, thought he would go on vacation,

Works like crazy, sharp, sticky.

Discuss

If we closed the airport and didn't close the restaurants, we discussed.

If he had closed the restaurants, and not closed the schools, he would discuss.

Which closed schools, and did not close kindergartens, discussed.

Had kindergartens closed and not isolated us from the grandparents, we discussed.

If he isolated us from the grandparents and did not stop learning from afar, discuss.

If you have stopped learning remotely and have not slowed down your computer, discuss.

If you slowed down your computer and didn't limit your sport to a hundred yards, discuss it.

If he had limited the sport to a hundred yards and not made us eat like pigs, he would argue.

Quite enough, enough, enough, enough.

And Moses hit the rock

And Moses (good sign) hit the rock, and he got alcohol out of it!

He hit a rock on the boulder and got alcohol out of it.

The wonder and the wonder, the wonder and the wonder.

Rabbi Gamaliel is today, as if he did not pass on his Passover,

There is no obligation, and all of them are: closure, cap, and muffler.

We were mobile

We were mobile, we were. Now in the closures, the closures.

Mobile we were, now within 100 meters, 100 meters.

Four brothers

In the country really worth

They are on a trip after an army

Everyone wanted them back

Send a plane up to Peru.

Smart into the isolation coming in

The innocent is without caught gloves

And evil without hesitation

Looks like sitting on the bus.

And that he couldn't ask

Caught the most beautiful of all

Personality is also soul

With a machine of the soul.

A lot of happiness

Very happy, very happy, spring came virus came

Fill, fill, fill my pockets with marriages

Mask, face, just make everyone healthy

Very happy, very happy, spring came virus came.

What has changed

Why is this night different from all the other nights?

That on all nights, we eat chametz and matzah. This night what came in the shipment.

That night, we eat other vegetables. This night, Euchlin is wearing masks.

That on all nights, we don't even explain once. This night many times.

That on all nights, we eat between usher and Masubin. This night we're all buzzing.

One who knows

One who knows? One I know: one Coronino, in heaven and earth.

Two who knows? Two I know: two feet of separation.

Three who knows? Three I know: three parents without visits.

Four who knows? Four I know: four freaking mothers.

Five who knows? Five I know: five alcohol.

Six who knows? Six I know: six on Netflix.

Seven who knows? Seven I know: seven days of isolation left.

Eight who knows? Eight I know: eight toilet paper.

Nine who knows? Nine I know: Nine moons of birth.

Ten who knows? Ten I know: ten people in the room.

Eleven who knows?…

Okay, no more than ten, so let's stop here.

yairn@israelhayom.co.il