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5 things parents can do to improve their children's self-esteem
Your children form their self-worth through experiences and feedback from the environment - if you want to raise children who are not afraid to try and make mistakes, this is what you should do
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parenthood
parents and children
Meirav Aharon scanned
Sunday, 10 January 2021, 07:35
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We all want children who are not afraid to make mistakes and experiment and rush forward (Photo: ShutterStock)
One of the most significant things parents ask for their children is self-confidence.
Our heart expands when we see these little ones believe in themselves, not afraid of mistakes, trying again and again and rushing forward.
The good news is ours as parents has a very significant impact on children’s ability to develop a positive self-image.
Self-image - the way a person perceives himself, is influenced by a combination of two things: the first, is his actual experiences and the experience from which the child learns about his powers ('I scored a goal!').
And the other is the feedback and reflection he gets from the environment ('even though your team lost, you fought like lions until the last minute').
This is where we come into the picture.
As parents we can provide children with on the one hand options for experiences and on the other hand give them feedback that will build them.
Especially when their experience was not successful.
so what are we doing?
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Their self-image is built between their experiences and feedback from the environment.
Boys and girls play football (Photo: ShutterStock)
1. Enable doing, contributing and benefiting
- children learn about their strengths from doing.
It builds in them a sense of self-worth.
A child who takes part, who gives and not just receives, is a child who feels needed.
Give them roles at home according to their age, ability and desire.
Let the kids do even if they are slower and more cumbersome than you.
There is nothing like the smile of a child who has managed to do something he thought would be difficult for him.
2. Believe in them
- the way we look at our child is the way he will look at himself today and in the future.
Remember, our outer voice, the one that tells them now: you are a child who does not give up easily, the girl who manages to overcome even when it is difficult for her, you can be trusted - he will become their inner voice in the future.
It will accompany them from within in adulthood.
Tell them you believe in them and how proud you are that they are trying.
The outer voice of the parent today, becomes the inner voice of the child in the future.
Mother and daughter talking (Photo: ShutterStock)
Focus on the process and the investment and less on the result
- we are used to telling our children how much they are champions, smart and more.
These are praises that are not always helpful to them.
It would be more appropriate to focus on the effort invested and the process itself.
In addition, you should encourage them about concrete things that they knew how to recreate.
For example: instead of saying to the girl who scored a basket - 'You're just a champion!'
You could say, 'Well done!
Throwing a high and accurate shot '.
Think about what will happen next time the girl does not hit a basket - is she no longer a 'champion', or does she just need to practice to improve her shots as she has done in the past?
4. Focus on the positive
- Look for the good and emphasize the positive, even if it is small moments.
Whatever you choose as a parent to put the focus on, illuminate and give it attention, is what will grow.
The child cries for half an hour because he did not get the candy he wanted, and then calms down?
They told him 'I'm glad you were able to relax, I saw you had a very hard time'.
In addition, find the things your child is good at, tell them about it and allow them to grow stronger in them.
From here they will draw strength and security to other areas of their lives as well.
You can also ask the children "What helped you succeed?"
Thus together you will name names for forces like willpower, perseverance, determination and advance planning.
Slowly the children will internalize that these are forces that are always at their disposal.
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5..Do not remove the obstacles
-
train
the child for real life.
Life also brings us frustrations and disappointments, do not deprive them of children - allow them to experience them.
Then do not forget to tell them how they managed to overcome and how proud you are.
They will grow out of it.
A child who experiences failure and frustration in a safe and protective environment will be able to deal with it more easily even in the future when the environment is less enveloping.
Meirav Aharon Sarok is a parent counselor and certified group facilitator at the Adler Institute
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