Stress in pandemic: are women the most affected?
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(CNN) -
As we battle the pandemic month after month, it can be difficult to stay positive about the present and the future.
Even in a pandemic, psychiatrist Samantha Boardman suggests that the best approach might be to develop strength and positivity from within.
In his new book, "Everyday Vitality: Turning Stress into Strength," Boardman offers step-by-step instructions for getting the most out of each day.
CNN recently met with Boardman to discuss strategies for incorporating more
mindfulness
into our daily lives.
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This conversation has been edited and compacted to provide greater clarity for readers.
CNN: The pandemic forced us to take a closer look at mental health. Why is this such an important part of who we are and how we live every day?
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Dr. Samantha Boardman:
In the midst of all the chaos and negativity, the emphasis on mental health is certainly a positive turn we have taken. Celebrities are opening up (to talk) about their struggles. People are more knowledgeable and fluent in the language of mental health. I believe that people are still more understanding about the mental health of others than their own. This is called Solomon's paradox. Apparently King Solomon was a wise ruler, but his own life was a total disaster.
People aspire to perfection in their social lives and achievements.
They are unwilling to forgive themselves or contemplate anything less than those end goals.
Anything less than that constitutes failure.
That does not lead to positive mental health.
We have room to grow and hopefully develop a greater understanding of our own mental health and be more understanding of our own challenges.
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CNN: How do we start to focus more on our own mental health?
Boardman:
We can stop ruminating. Rumination is when they are mulling over something and you can't let it go. It doesn't help. I see it as chewing the bolus or as a ribbon at the bottom of the screen. It is pure immersion in yourself, going over the same thing over and over again. When you focus too much on the little things, you have no perspective. With perspective, at 9,000 meters, you can reconstruct a situation and see it clearly.
Perhaps you need to make an appointment with a therapist.
Maybe you would feel better if you went for a walk.
It is important to interrupt those rumination cycles as they can be a gateway to depression and anxiety.
A cognitive strategy for doing this is to ask yourself, "If a friend were ruminating like this, what would he say to that person right now?"
You'd be surprised where the process of asking yourself that takes you.
CNN: How and where does mindfulness fit into mental health?
Boardman
: It is important to understand that the way we perceive stress is more important than the stress itself. Our perception of stress is often dictated by the resources we think we have available. Do you feel supported by others? Do you feel that people are behind you? One of the factors that contributes the most to well-being are other people and feeling connected and loved, and feeling part of a social network. Even if we can't see people in real life, what are we doing to cultivate our relationships?
Another great antidote to stress is helping people, doing something that makes you feel like you are adding value.
Here it could be something simple, maybe helping your neighbor buy something at the grocery store.
You can get these little stimuli in everyday ways.
The truth is that we often lose sight of the social side of wellness.
Other people matter in our lives.
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CNN: What makes some people more resilient than others in the face of collective stress and trauma?
Boardman
: Some people are more Teflon - the stressors don't stick to them - while others are more Velcro, the stressors stay attached to them.
Stressful moments have an immediate impact on us.
They bother us.
Our blood pressure goes up.
Micro-stressors — these everyday things — these irritations and annoyances accumulate over time.
We often react to micro-stressors in ways that are counterproductive.
I call them uplift imposters.
I'm stressed so I tell myself I need to order a fried egg and cheese sandwich, or that I need to cancel plans with friends.
These decisions masquerade as stress buffers but they amplify how drained we feel.
We often react to micro-stressors in ways that are counterproductive.
I call them impostor stimuli.
I'm stressed, so I tell myself that I need to order a fried egg and cheese sandwich or that I have to cancel plans with friends.
These decisions disguise themselves as stress buffers, but they amplify how exhausted we feel.
CNN: So what should people think differently about dealing with microstressors?
Boardman
: What are some of the things we can do? I refer to them as the three Cs: connecting with others, contributing to something beyond yourself, and feeling challenged in some way (challenged in English is called 'challenged'). In the first point, how do you connect with the others in some way? If you have a few positive interactions with other human beings in a day, it will cheer you up. In the second point, what are you doing beyond your own self? How are you part of something bigger? At the last point, what are you doing to feel challenged in a positive way?
These activities create a feeling of encouragement.
They help build armor around you, so when these little stressors happen they are much less likely to irritate you.
Muhammad Ali said: "It is not the mountains that you have to climb that drop you, it is the stone in your shoe."
That's true.
You are less likely to be affected by the little things when you are determined to add the three Cs to your life.
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CNN: What does "vitality" mean to you?
Boardman
: For me, vitality is that positive feeling of being alive and energized.
It is the very core of well-being.
The opposite of depression is not happiness, it is vitality.
And vitality comes from our actions.
It is about what we are doing in our lives, it is both physical and psychological.
And it is different for each person at each stage of their life.
It is dynamic.
What worked for you at 20 may not work for you at 30 or 40, and you have to be aware of that and adapt.
A key to vitality is to be flexible, allow yourself to change, allow others to change.
CNN: Why is it so important to be deliberate in how you approach mindfulness and resilience?
Boardman
: One of the strategies of behavioral psychology is to facilitate the behaviors that you want to achieve.
If you want to exercise, for example, it may be to leave your sneakers next to the door.
I have a patient who only wears a sports bra because if she doesn't, she won't go to the gym.
One of the experiences that most devitalizes is when we feel like a rolling plant, when we are swept away by the wants and needs of others, when we are not being deliberate about what we care about.
For that reason being deliberate is key.
I ask patients to write down the things that matter most to them.
Then I ask them to think about how they spend their free time.
I challenge you to find the match, that's the sweet spot.
When you can have a better match between what your values are and what your actions are, you will be much more resilient and approach everything with a greater sense of vitality.
Matt Villano is a writer and editor in Healdsburg, California.
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