When my daughter was 4 years old we were at a family party. When she saw that other children had parents and some had brothers and sisters, she asked me why she was the only child without a father. I replied that her father lives abroad and we chose to live in Israel. She told me to bring him back and I replied that he cannot be forced to live with us. My daughter asked for another father. I replied that I am married to her father and cannot separate from him. So she told me to call the police so they would do something , that she also wants brothers and sisters.
It is difficult to explain to a 4-year-old girl what divorce is.
I married a partner I chose after only six months of acquaintance.
After a year it turned out that I was wrong in my choice.
It's legitimate to regret, right?
Even clothes can be returned and redeemed.
So why not about life?
But my husband didn't cheat or beat me.
Therefore my marriage cannot be dissolved easily.
You need a "reason".
They say that disconnecting from an infrastructure provider is difficult.
But they don't have an organization that tries to convince you that it's better for you to agree to their demands.
When I opened a case for a divorce in the rabbinical court, the judges clucked their tongues and said what a criminal he was.
They supported me, but asked what he wanted.
They didn't think to ask what I wanted.
It seems that as a woman I am half human.
As a woman without a man I am a quarter human.
The big problem in Israel is that divorce and marriage were given within the law to the rabbinical courts.
It doesn't matter if you are an atheist or ultra-Orthodox or reformist - you must go through them in order to marry the one you love or divorce the one you hate.
There is no bypass surgery, and there are no bypass roads.
The rabbinic courts are the only address for divorcing couples,
The problem is that here one-sidedness works in a very interesting way.
I wanted to break up, and he didn't want to break up.
He fled abroad without informing me. It was only after a few days that I found out from his brother that he was in New York. But he didn't want a divorce. He wants to be married by remote control. Very far away. What marriage can last like this?
Over the years, the courts' divorce department appointed a messenger who once or twice a year flew to the US to ask the husband if he was ready to grant a divorce, as if we were still in the 19th century and there were no faxes, telephones or e-mails. He remained in his stubborn refusal and began to make more and more demands: At first I was asked to give up a ketubah, then the alimony for myself and our common daughter and at some point also to come up with guarantors, who would guarantee that I or my daughter or someone on our behalf would not sue him.
In practice, he has no intention of giving up his ability to control you and make your life miserable.
The worst thing is that you no longer know if he really intends to give the divorce or if it's all just a game to see how much you will agree to give up.
The highlight was that he decided to determine that my daughter would be educated in an ultra-orthodox education.
We are not ultra-orthodox but traditionalists.
We always were.
But the courts and judges are of course uncompromisingly ultra-Orthodox.
A law should be issued that it is forbidden to hold negotiations with divorce refusers.
Our big problem is not the Jewish religion, our big problem is the correct enforcement of the rabbinical laws.
In the current situation, if a woman wants a divorce, the rabbinical courts in Israel first of all turn to the "Honorable Lord", and if he is not ready to sign, then you have to compromise, and give up things that you deserve.
The management of the rabbinical courts.
The person photographed has no relation to the article, photo: Oren Ben Hakon
The laws and regulations were written by humans for humans.
We, the Jewish women, have rights to stand up and demand our lives back as mothers, sisters, friends and daughters.
Control over my life must be mine by virtue of being human.
I was born free with the right to choose between good and evil.
When my freedom depends on "Your Honor" releasing me - I have no real freedom and no rights.
Refusal to divorce and marriage are two bad phenomena that the rabbinical courts do not prevent.
Not only do they not prevent them, they also do not solve them.
And despite all this, I do not intend to give up my identity as a woman and a Jew.
In the 21st century there is no place for a woman to be the property of any man.
Along with the struggle to break free from the marriage - you also have to continue living.
My close friends summed it up nicely: "Being bitter or refusing a divorce is not your whole identity. You are much more than that. You are a woman, you are a daughter, you are a mother. The fact that you are bitter or refusing a divorce is only part of what happens in life."
Tamar (pseudonym) was Agona for 23 years and is accompanied by the organization "Mboy Satom" which helps women who are refused a divorce and Agona
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