In December 2011, at the age of 41, the Spanish writer
May Serrano
decided to turn her life around.
According to her, “a love revolution” began and, from that moment, everything changed: “I married
myself
”.
“It was one of the most important days of my life, although this sounds cliché, it is true.
That day I promised to love myself, take care of myself and respect myself, ”he said in a dialogue with
Clarín
.
The objective of the 52-year-old woman was not to be part of what is known as "
sologamy
" but to legitimize her idea of being her own priority.
According to her, it was the starting point for her true transformation: "I began to take charge and feel free to be who I am."
"Yes, I love me"
"Yes, I love me", a new way of promising love.
Photo courtesy May Serrano.
At the time of her wedding, May was part of a
group of women
with whom, at first, they only thought of carrying out "a fun action to rethink
romantic love
, without carefully measuring the consequences."
But in the middle of the ceremony, he said, they realized that it was more than just a joke: "We realized that we were celebrating a rite of passage and, as such, it was going to transform our lives."
Thus, ten were the women who at the event said to others (and to themselves) “
yes, I love me
”.
Serrano remembers that date as "a wonderful day", where even the rain contributed its epic.
The woman wore her mother's wedding dress, which she combined with brown waterproof boots, ideal for the occasion.
“The ceremony was in a deconsecrated church, with more than 100 guests.
Afterwards we had a banquet and a super party” with family, friends and friends.
Only for singles?
May Serrano accompanied about 100 women who got married under this modality.
Photo courtesy May Serrano.
Something that May Serrano highlights is that to marry yourself you don't have to be single.
In fact, at the time of her wedding, she had a partner (she even attended the ceremony).
“
It's not about being alone, it's about committing to yourself
.
When you are with someone under that premise, what you do is free the other person from a responsibility that does not correspond to them, ”she assured.
“You don't put the weight of 'making me happy', because I already do that.
You share life, illusion, love, but you don't expect the other person to do it for you.
It is a more responsible and equal way of loving
,” she added.
On the other hand, she denied that it is a fashion and explained why -at least until now- it is a feminine custom: “More than a trend, it is a necessity.
Women have been educated to take care of others, no one has told us that we can be our priority.
“Men are socially applauded when they put themselves first, they think about their careers, about their desires.
No one calls them selfish.
But dedication is expected from women, that is why it is so important to become aware of the social context and decide to be the owners of our lives ”, she affirmed.
"Marrying yourself is not a consolation prize"
Serrano offers pre-marriage courses before these peculiar weddings.
Photo courtesy May Serrano.
While the practice of marrying oneself is known as sologamy, May said she disagreed with that term because she finds it confusing.
“It seems that you are going to be left alone, when in reality it is the complete opposite,” she said.
“
Marrying yourself is not a consolation prize because you haven't found the partner of your dreams
.
It is also not a promise that you will never marry someone else.
It is a commitment to oneself and that's it ”, she highlighted.
Of stories and premarital courses
Today Serrano coordinates pre-marriage courses for women who want to have their wedding with themselves, which she describes as "training."
Serrano invited family, friends and even her then partner to her wedding.
Photo courtesy May Serrano.
"
Love for oneself and confidence are like muscles, you have to train them to make them strong
," May said after assuring that "we know the theory but we don't put it into practice."
According to her, the course that more than 100 women have already taken offers some tools, but the method is personalized: "There are no magic formulas and each one has to find out what she needs, what it means for her to love, care for and respect herself. ”.
Within this framework, she gave examples of three cases of women who went through this experience: “
Juncal
said 'yes, I love me' when her second daughter was born.
She was lost and had the need to find herself again between motherhood, marriage and work ”.
Another was the case of "
Miriam
, who had just gotten divorced and used the wedding as a rite of passage to end the mourning of the separation and celebrate herself."
Finally, May mentioned "
Raquel
, who before marrying her boyfriend decided to marry herself so as not to lose herself in the relationship."
New formats that are added to the already known ones to achieve the long-awaited "happily ever after".
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