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Lukas, 35 years old, asks: »I've been working in marketing at a corporation for almost a year and have many customer and project appointments. No matter how hard I try to show up on time, I am regularly late. That leads to anger among colleagues and customers, which I can understand well. I feel very uncomfortable myself and stress me out. How do I manage to finally be on time? "
Dear Lukas,
Although your unpunctuality is a nuisance for those around you and also bothers you yourself, it does not seem easy to simply turn this behavior off.
Why is that?
Behaviors that we cannot change despite great efforts, although the negative consequences are obvious, have a deeper origin.
So being late cannot be a conscious act, but an expression of an inner conflict or a difficulty in managing oneself.
So first find out the reasons for your unpunctuality.
At the beginning, ask yourself:
What does it cost me if I am regularly late?
For example: How badly is my reputation suffering?
Which career opportunities or exciting work assignments do I give away with it?
Which relationships are suffering from this?
How do I get out of being late?
For example: Do I spare myself small talk, do I get attention, do I avoid certain requirements?
Here are some basic explanations that can help you gain a deeper understanding.
Check where you feel that you are being meant, what comes to your mind and what comes to your mind.
An inner conflict
The conflict of autonomy:
appointments for meetings are often prescribed. This is helpful for many people because they are so good at organizing themselves. However, some people experience the deadlines as a personal restriction, as a loss of their autonomy. Therefore, they unconsciously rebel against being scheduled. To be on time would be to submit. In this way, these people prove their self-determination by doing something else, apparently more important, before the meeting and then arriving too late. All of this happens completely unconsciously.
The conflict of validity:
If you arrive late, you will attract attention. If the person then takes up space by verbally explaining what is causing the delay, they will get attention. It is guaranteed not to go under, is inevitably noticed, even if only in a negative sense. Of course, this behavior is not conscious. A need to be seen is the motivation, combined with the worry that you are not important if you are not noticed.
A lack of time management:
If you stumble into the day and do whatever comes in via email, Slack or phone call, you get bogged down. A lack of day-to-day planning and multitasking lead to losing yourself in tasks and time. Often there is also a lack of assessment of the effort involved in the tasks and activities. The real time required is underestimated by up to 30 percent. So arriving late is inevitable and you run after the day.
Another sense of time:
A study by the American Jeff M. Conte shows that arriving late is a certain personality type.
For him, a minute feels like 77 seconds, while other people feel the minute is over after 56 seconds.
As a result, those arriving late have a different sense of time and assign their tasks differently, which of course results in delays.
This is not an excuse or even a free ticket, but a valuable tip for self-management.
Possible approaches
Regardless of the reason for your being late, there are several approaches you can take to work on your punctuality.
Here are eleven tips for doing this:
For two weeks, make a note of where and when you are late (for certain people, in certain situations, at certain times).
Also take a look at where you manage to be on time and which circumstances favor it, for example when traveling by plane or train.
Draw a conclusion: What can I take away from the findings?
How can I position myself differently?
Take the time to check which appointments you accept or initiate yourself.
Most days and tasks follow a basic time pattern.
Measure exactly how much time you need on average for the individual activities.
This allows you to plan more precisely and avoid delays.
Improve your time management and thereby automatically create a higher level of autonomy:
Consciously plan a time cushion (cheat time) for trips and appointments.
Put your watch forward a few minutes.
Deliberately put breaks between your appointments and provide meetings with a time buffer.
Set the timer five minutes before a meeting and don't start anything new.
Finish appointments on time.
Use the reminder function for appointments in your smartphone.
If you prepare your work day in eight minutes, you can gain up to an hour a day.
Use a task list with the duration of the respective activity.
Make sure you only complete one task at a time so as not to get bogged down.
What do you do, dear Lukas, if you don't manage to be on time?
Apologize briefly and honestly and vow to get better. Punctuality is a sign of appreciation and respect for people and the topic. Perhaps this perspective can motivate you to work on yourself. And, if you're late for the video conference waiting for the others, you'll be happy to be seen because you're the first!