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Tear yourself up for the job – or take the decision into your own hands?
Photo: Niels Blaesi / DER SPIEGEL
Florian, Head of Division and 48 years old, asks: »I would like to change jobs. A new leadership role would be obvious. However, I would most likely have to move again. I really don't want to put my family through that again. We just settled into our house. Maybe self-employment could also be something? Then the question is whether I should join a consulting firm as a partner or rather do my own thing? I'm torn. How do I make an informed decision?”
Dear Florian,
First of all, congratulations on the decision to change anything at all.
Because leaving an objectively good job “just” because you no longer really enjoy it is considered too risky – all the more so when a family is attached to it.
I understand that you are in a dilemma because you want to find an interesting job while also taking into account the needs of your family and not wanting to jeopardize your private life.
Let's break the situation down into the essential elements.
For every decision we first need information and have to evaluate different alternatives.
These must then be compared with the requirements in order to ultimately define the right path.
Your new job – no matter what form it takes – should definitely contribute to your ideas about life and your future.
You have already recognized that you are no longer willing to subordinate your family life.
I recommend the following procedure.
Develop a vision of the future for yourself
Ask yourself the questions:
What I want?
What am I enjoying?
What should my life look like in the future – privately and professionally?
What do I want for my family?
What does not (any longer) fit this wishful thinking and should therefore disappear from my life and what should stay?
One answer could be: stay in our house, have more free time.
Define the requirements you have for this future
What do I need to be able to live my vision?
What is important to me?
Which framework conditions are non-negotiable for me?
What does this mean for my life and work?
Discover what options you have
It is important that you think beyond the obvious options and do not limit yourself with thoughts such as: This is unrealistic.
First collect with an inquisitive and open attitude under the motto: "What is possible...?" Sorting out comes later.
How could I achieve my vision and my requirements?
How and where can I actually live this?
In which form?
With which people?
Partners, bosses, employees...
What do I bring with me?
What can I?
How can I add value?
Find your many »possible selves«, all the versions of yourself that are within you that you have not (yet) lived because life put you on a different track.
Test your ideas and above all yourself
How is it with you?
For this it is important that you go beyond the mere thought game into reality.
Research your ideas on the Internet.
Who do you know who is knowledgeable in this area?
Who perhaps does something similar himself or has the appropriate contacts.
It is very important that you talk to as many people as possible who have practical experience in the area you are considering.
Get an insight into their very specific daily routine and, above all, question the points that play an important role for you.
You can also do an internship or do a similar job on a voluntary basis.
Find as many opportunities as possible to feel your ideas instead of just thinking about them.
Create a matrix with your requirement criteria
Remember your answers regarding the requirements for your future.
Use them to evaluate your options.
Which ideas meet the most requirements and which the most important?
Try the 10-10-10 method
If you're already closer to your decision, then the last thing I would like to recommend is the 10-10-10 method.
Ask yourself how the decision will make you feel...
In 10 weeks
In 10 months
In 10 years
This approach will help you determine what does NOT fit into your life by exclusion.
When you have more clarity yourself, discuss your thoughts with your partner and develop a common vision for your family's future.