Summer is approaching, and after the difficult two years we went through with the closures, the isolations, the masks and the tests - we all deserve a juicy and relaxed vacation.
The coasts of the country, Greece, Turkey and classical Europe are just waiting for us to arrive.
But we should hurry before the drug companies invent some epidemic, monkey pox or hippopotamus fever, just so they can sell us more drugs or just so that their managers will be less crowded in the coming vacation.
On the other hand, I was both a teenager and an old man, and not all vacations are always such a great pleasure.
Therefore, before you make a decision that you may regret, one should carefully consider the pros and cons of the vacation theme.
Travel warnings
Israeli tourists do not always contribute to improving our image in the world.
This week, for example, we witnessed some of them watering the bed, rugs and sofas in the hotel room in Greece, perhaps with the thought that by the next holiday vodka seedlings would grow there.
But even regardless of the attempt to launch furniture for rent, our popularity in the world is reminiscent of an unacceptable child in the classroom, and there is nothing better reminiscent of the travel warnings that the National Security Headquarters (which can be renamed "Headquarters for Summer Bios") publishes once every two days.
It is not always clear what exactly is the reason for the warning - information about a terrorist attack in Sinai?
Possible response to the assassination of an Iranian scientist?
Or just someone at headquarters ate something bad at a restaurant in Turkey and he wants to warn the public?
With all due respect to our warnings, it is worth remembering that in the US there is often a travel warning regarding a flight to Israel, so our stay in the country is an equally great risk. National Security should also issue a travel warning regarding each of our walks to the writer.
One way to deal with our lack of popularity in the world is to adopt abroad the identity of another national, in the hope that they will believe that a tanned lifeguard from Banana Beach is truly Norwegian. Worse - and it is not really recommended, for example, to try to adopt Russian citizenship at the moment.
On the other hand, if you know how to make a convincing accent you can claim to be Ukrainian, and then you will also win an invitation to sleep for free in the home of a local family.
To convince you that you are indeed Ukrainian, it is recommended to have the national flag, just remember that it is reminiscent of the flags of Maccabi Tel Aviv, so that alongside the sympathy from European citizens - you may also be beaten by Hapoel fans.
Children
The children also need a vacation, although some also live at home in all-inclusive conditions with someone cleaning their room.
But usually it does not work as you expected.
A vacation with the kids is to stand in line at the Eurodisney, hear many of them in the back seat of a rented car, and regret not enrolling them in a military boarding school or naval officer school as early as age 12. You want to show them a world, open your head to new worlds and cultures, climb the Eiffel, They will browse the pyramids and imagine the battles at the Colosseum - only for the children, the only important destination on vacation is Instagram, the network to which they upload photos from the vacation.
So if you really want to go out with them well, you need to take them to places that are well photographed and take their eyes off their friends, even if they are not 3,000 year old monuments but a stand with pink cupcakes that opened two days ago.
The rest of the time they'll be inside the iPad anyway and complain that it's boring.
I'm waiting to see who will be the nimble entrepreneur who invents Instagram photo vacations, which will include backgrounds of all sorts of attractions around the world that will be laid out at Ben Gurion Airport. - In the meantime, parents will be able to spend two hours on duty free, after which everyone will return home satisfied and with less overdraft.
Shopping
Shopping abroad is great fun, especially if someone else would fund it. Nice to walk around the markets and bazaars of Turkey and negotiate. You're sure you knocked them out, and they still made you 300 percent profit, so everyone comes out happy. Such will be received a little less well in Germany and Switzerland.
Alternatively, you can shop from home, travel nowhere and just shop all day by express owners, only if you want to save yourself the queues at all sorts of post offices or blasts in the heat of August, maybe it's simpler to travel to China already.
Israelis abroad
Many Israelis like to say that abroad they also prefer freedom from their people, and that they travel to stay away from other Israelis. Only in the current situation in August, if you are the type who prefers French - you should go on vacation in Tel Aviv or Netanya, Near lots of other Israelis - it is better that you travel abroad.
Passports
If, God forbid, you do not have a valid passport, you will probably have to stand in line for two months, when it will snow in the summer you have booked, or you will find a remote city in a country where the line is closer.
In that case, it might be better to choose a small, sandy city in the Negev, and tell the children that the trip is actually for a trip to Dubai.
You can sleep in a tent with sleeping bags outside the Interior Ministry branch and tell the children that it's a glamping site, and if you fell for a local council in the Galilee, tell them they're in Provence and the wild boars that hang out nearby - they're sheep.
Injury, sabotage, illness
No one wants to run into a medical problem abroad. You do not know anyone, it may cost a lot of money and you have no idea what exactly will be done to you in a hospital in a foreign country, with a language you do not understand. You sea motorcycle in Mykonos.
On the other hand, if you are injured in a country like Sweden, and the hospital is clean and tidy, there is a chance that the hospitalization there will save you a night or two in a hotel, so it is a clean profit.
It should also be taken into account that if she is injured in Israel, there is a chance that beatings will also be added to criminals or a family whose sons are not satisfied with the conditions at the Assaf Harofe Hotel, so that in London the hospitalization is more comfortable.
Therefore, before traveling dangerous ask your travel not only list of recommended restaurants, but also the list of recommended hospitals, plus creative recommendations on how to get injured in their environment.
Communication and surfing packages
Cellular companies are known to pounce on us when we leave the country and sell us a package of calls that we do not really need.
To be on the safe side, we also pay for filtering calls, so that they will not call us abroad, and if we answer, we will pay according to the rate of Buhta shekels per minute.
Since the package is usually for a month, and the trip is only for a week, I recommend leaving the call filtering for the entire month.
That way they will think you are still abroad, and you can really rest and not answer the phones.
yairn@israelhayom.co.il
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