A hollow tree: why do you actually need Disney's "Pinocchio" remake?
Tom Hanks makes a fool of himself in the role of Geppetto, Jiminy Cricket is busy with corny jokes, the new changes are unnecessary and the new songs are forgettable.
Even if there are some bright spots in the new adaptation of the beloved 1940 classic, they are not enough to make the remake, which appeared on Disney Plus this weekend, a movie that really warrants watching
Naama only
12/09/2022
Monday, September 12, 2022, 00:00
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Trailer for the movie "Pinocchio" directed by Robert Zemeckis (Disney Plus)
The score: two stars (photo: image processing, .)
While watching another live action remake from Disney, this time "Pinocchio", a sketch from comedian John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch's comedy special for the whole family popped into my head.
In the sketch Mullaney plays a Hollywood producer who talks to children in a focus group for a new animated film.
After a long jab at Hollywood's tendency to cast celeb voice actors who only interest the parents, he asks the children who understood the joke in which a talking animal calls something "fake news".
No child answers.
"Did your parents laugh at the joke?" he asks, and one of the children describes his parents' laughter as "acknowledging the existence of the joke."
"This is what she deserves," Mullaney concludes.
The 2022 version of "Pinocchio" released this weekend on Disney Plus, directed by Robert Zemeckis ("Back to the Future", "Forrest Gump"), is full of such strange moments, created so that the parent watching the child while watching does not fall asleep on the couch.
And there is a reason to be careful, actually - "Pinocchio" from 1940 is indeed a well-remembered classic, but it has several scenes that will drive sleep from the eyes of innocent children alongside soft-hearted adults.
Another adaptation of the story about the walking wooden doll will soon arrive on Netflix, this time by director Guillermo del Toro, who is associated with creative and particularly stressful horror.
But don't worry, none of the 2022 versions will really challenge the status of the film that introduced us to "When You Wish Upon a Star," the Oscar-winning song that became the theme song that opens Disney movies.
What do you do with a film like this?
How do you recreate the phenomenal animation, the familiar scenes, the magical and unique atmosphere?
It turns out that they are not trying too hard.
We do the minimum and move on to the next remake.
In the new film you can find all the recurring problems of these Disney innovations, and this time with even less shame than usual.
It reproduces a familiar story with slight and mostly unnecessary changes, it has no virtuoso animation nor any degree of creativity.
The famous actors are there because you need famous actors, without adding any value to the film itself.
There are new songs that every viewer will forget after a maximum of two hours, and also a beautiful performance of an iconic song that you could just settle for and that's it.
So why, actually?
After all, the movie doesn't go to theaters before home viewing - and come on, who subscribes to Disney Plus for a remake of "Pinocchio"?
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Not really worth watching.
From "Pinocchio" (Photo: Disney Plus)
You probably know the plot - Geppetto the carpenter (Tom Hanks with a silly mustache) carves a wooden doll in the form of a child.
At night, Fia (Cynthia Aribo, "Harriet") arrives and breathes life into him.
On the way to school, the innocent wooden doll gets involved with a bunch of shady types.
Two anthropomorphic animals lure him with promises of fame and publicity to sell him to the evil theater director Stromboli, while a carriage driver convinces him to join other lost children on "Amusement Island", where children are allowed to drink beer and make a mess.
Between one trouble and another, Pinocchio learns from the cricket Jiminy Cricket (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) about good behavior, and discovers that his nose grows longer when he lies.
The 1940 film is, in general, a morality play.
It's probably the most recognizable horror movie ever made for kids, and its overarching goal is to educate young viewers on how to behave.
The clear message is not to lie, but it is also advisable not to chase fame and superficial entertainment, just go to school and be a law-abiding citizen.
Not only because it's the right thing to do, but because if you don't do it, horrible things will happen to you.
The scene where the "Amusement Island" kids turn into donkeys is one of the scariest I've ever seen, and it's not even the only really scary scene in the movie.
Flaunting with stupid language.
Tom Hanks in the movie "Pinocchio" (Photo: Disney Plus)
In the new movie, things already look a little different, even if the story itself doesn't change much.
Pinocchio no longer hesitates between good and evil.
He is a fairly educated boy who is dragged into dangerous situations out of no choice.
He knows what is the right thing to do, but there are constraints that prevent him from behaving accordingly.
It's not a particularly interesting process for a character - but the main casualty here is Jiminy Cricket in general, who has no real need when the wooden bat has its own functioning conscience.
Instead of providing advice, the poor cricket is forced to tell endless dirty jokes for adults - most of them particularly stupid fourth-wall-breaking jokes, which, as in the above sketch, deserve a chuckle to indicate that we've noticed them, and nothing more. Another problem is that Joseph Gordon-Levitt tries so hard Imitate the dubbing from when Jiminy was left with no emotion or character, just a funny voice and weird faces for the camera.
Tom Hanks is also pretty underwhelmed as Geppetto, with the scenes where he talks to himself or his animals feeling like a bad one-man show.
It is not clear why he has countless clocks at home that show characters from Disney movies - from "Snow White" and "Maleficent" to "Woody the Cowboy" and "Roger Rabbit" - and it is even less clear why his animals behave more or less like normal animals, but animated Completely in computer animation.
Countless dirty jokes.
From "Pinocchio" (Photo: Disney Plus)
There are also bright spots here and there.
Benjamin Owen Ainsworth makes Pinocchio look cute even when the doll itself looks completely creepy.
Cynthia Aribo doesn't do much as the blue fairy, but every second with her is gold.
She's probably here thanks to her amazing voice, and indeed, the climax of the film occurs when Disney lets her sing.
Keegan Michael Key is pleasantly surprising in the role of "Honest John", better known in Israel as Samson, with jokes that really manage to make you laugh and surprisingly good animation.
His sidekick, Gideon/Yovev, also excels thanks to the crazy animation that throws in Looney Tunes and other old animated sketches.
Sabina the ballerina who plays Kane Lamaya is a completely unnecessary character, but she is so good in the role that you hardly notice.
The most puzzling character is probably Sofia the Seagull, but thanks to the surprisingly funny dubbing of Lorraine Bracco (Doctor Melfi from "The Spornus"), I kept wishing for her return.
All these are not enough to make "Pinocchio" a movie that really justifies watching, certainly if you don't have a child to sit in front of a screen to drink coffee in peace.
In almost every technical aspect, this is a film that feels like a hodgepodge, something created because at some corporate meeting it was decided that there should be such a film.
The Blue Fairy tells Pinocchio that what makes him a "real boy" is not what he is made of, but what he does.
In the same way, this movie feels like a cheap TV production, regardless of how much it really cost to make it.
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Pinocchio
Disney
Disney Plus