Eurovision 2023: Noa Kirel is officially announced as Israel's representative (Walla system!)
Yesterday afternoon, the hearts of the Eurovision fans in Israel quickened their pulse: "There is a date for the unicorn", shouted the corporation's social networks, "Save The Date" as if Yaron and Fazit were getting married.
On March 8th, which is exciting for us, in exactly three weeks, the one, single and only song we've all been waiting for will finally be released to the world.
And what's better than releasing a song that deals with female empowerment right on International Women's Day?
We can finally understand what female empowerment has to do with the mythological creature, an animal that doesn't really exist, but leave you relays and bones - all we care about is how a unicorn looks and sounds, so we can start writing "Our Noah Conquers Europe".
Meanwhile, Noa Kirel is really not far from conquering Europe.
Even before we heard a single note, without knowing whether it is a hymn with a deep message or a song whose lyrics are mainly "Oo-la-la, ah-ah-ah, from the Middle East to Europe, Mami, Girls Are Powerful Like a Unicorn" , Israel's song is already in seventh place in the betting agencies.
We are really not used to breathing summit air at this stage, even in 2018, the year of winning, on February 15 Israel was ranked 18th in the chances of winning.
Last year, when our song was already released to the world, Israel starred at the back of the charts in 33rd place.
How does it happen that Israel is ranked so high when only 15 songs out of the 37 were published?
Well, if you risk your tender soul and listen to the songs selected in the meantime, you'll find that as of now, even if Noa Kirel goes on stage, gets stuck in a grapple, and gets off - it will still be better than a considerable part of the songs selected so far.
More than that - even Michael Ben David had a chance to advance to this year's final.
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Open diaries: Noa Kirel in the first semi-final of Eurovision
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How does it happen that Israel is ranked so high when only 15 songs out of the 37 were published?
Well, if you risk your tender soul and listen to the songs that have been selected in the meantime, you will find that as of now, even if Noa Kirel goes on stage, gets stuck, and gets off - it will still be better than a significant part of the songs that have been selected so far
As every year, after all of Israel's semi-final songs are published, we will conduct a review here and check what our chances are, but let's dwell a moment already on Croatia's song that will compete with us in that semi-final.
Calling this horror show a "song" is a bit of a compliment, everything I hate about Eurovision has been crammed here into two minutes and 40 seconds.
Idiot lyrics under the idiotic argument "But it's a political protest song! It's against war, look - a dictator in a skirt! A psychopath!", combined with a painfully crowded stage, dangerous lighting for people with epilepsy and cacophonous music.
A buffet of Eurovision clichés of the lowest variety, one that makes me understand why some people despise this contest, and why real artists stay away from Eurovision like fire.
Why would anyone with an iota of self-respect want to share the same stage with them.
The band that performs the song has been active since the 80s.
In 1989, the very same year that Yugoslavia won Eurovision for the only time, and with a Croatian band, they released their first album, which goes by the implied name "Two Dogs Fucking".
In 1997, their album "Nečuveno" was released, translated into Hebrew - "not heard".
It was a blank CD, with nothing on it, that sold 350 copies.
In February 2001, the band unveiled a four-meter-high monument that received the refined name "Babin Kurac", and in Hebrew - "Grandma's Cock".
Aleksandar Stankovic, who hosted a program on Croatian television, will never forget the interview where the band members began to undress and then let off fireworks from their seats, while he tried to cover their bottoms with his blazer.
By the way, it is clear to everyone that this song goes to the final for sure, yes?
The Croatians' place in this year's final is guaranteed, unlike Noa Kirel.
No, not because Europe is anti-Semitic, not because there is a right-wing government, not because Netanyahu is in power.
Netanyahu was in power both when Dana International won and when Neta won, it didn't stop the Europeans from giving a small Middle Eastern country the victory.
The problem this time is the change in the voting method in the semi-finals, when 100% of the power is in the hands of the viewers.
Yes, this year there are no judging teams in the semi-finals, only the viewers at home vote.
So what's the problem you ask?
The problem is that, unlike the Eurovision final, the semi-finals receive significantly lower ratings, meaning fewer voters.
Another figure that lowers the number of votes is that only the countries participating in the semi-finals vote.
This year there will be a change here as well and you can also vote from non-participating countries, but all these votes will be counted as one external country.
It also means that the weight of hardcore Eurovision fans among the voters is greater compared to the final.
And when there are no professional judges to balance the bad taste of the fans, Croatia's path to the final is guaranteed, and Israel will have to work hard.
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After all that, let's conclude on a positive note.
I was asked what I think about Noa's chances at Eurovision, and it seems rather strange to me to answer what I think about a song I've never heard.
I know that the reactions from the fans are expected to be negative, because this is the way of Eurovision fans - first of all not to like, then say that it has been done a million times, find 400 other songs with a common note that reminds of the bridge after the third chorus, and conclude with "the truth, I was disappointed."
But after we put that aside, I actually have optimism about the Israeli song.
The Israeli team is made up of professional, talented people, and especially dedicated to the competition.
Doron Medley really doesn't need me to review his record and his level of care for the Eurovision, Noa Kirel can grin at the caterers, and after her performance in Yarakon Park we can be sure that she will bring the best she can.
Noa did not come to Eurovision to play, certainly not to humiliate herself, after all - she is not Croatian.
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Noa Kirel
Eurovision 2023
