It used to be love - but when the couples sit across from each other at Martin Meixner's, you can often only feel hatred.
The 44-year-old is a family judge at the Munich District Court.
The decisions that are made there can change your whole life.
Martin Meixner (44) always has the handkerchiefs to hand: "Emotions often boil," says the family judge.
People cry, yell, argue, rage and sometimes even insult in the courtroom.
"There are cases where we judges are personally attacked." The 37 judges at the Munich Family Court processed 13,293 cases last year, including 3,326 divorces.
In 2019 there were 3279 divorces.
The Corona crisis is currently a challenge for many relationships.
"Couples have fewer distractions and are forced to deal more with each other," explains couple counselor Markus Ernst.
On the one hand, this could lead to relationships breaking up.
“But it can also have a positive effect,” he says.
"My impression is that it could be balanced."
Children are often in a loyalty conflict
Family judge Martin Meixner
If a relationship cannot be saved, then his goal is to de-escalate and “find a common solution,” says Richter Meixner. But that is often difficult, especially when fighting over the children. The principle of multiple control applies to the so-called parenting procedure, which means that several experts are involved. Meixner talks to caregivers and the whole family. “It always depends on the individual case,” he explains. "Children are often in a loyalty conflict and want to please everyone." There are children who tell each parent that they want to live with them - just so as not to disappoint anyone. When making their decision, the judges consider the aspects of loyalty, support skills and continuity in everyday life. "The older the children are, the more important the will of the child becomes," emphasizes the judge and warns: "Anyone who is blind with anger,he can lose sight of the child's well-being. ”Meixner remembers a case in which parents fought so vehemently for an elementary school child that they had to go to a home. “Nobody allowed the other to have the child,” he says. “There was nothing left but to have it in a neutral third place. To see that is difficult even for a family judge. "
The 44-year-old is a family man and has been a volunteer member of the board of an association for child and youth welfare for 14 years.
Child protection is very important to him.
The decision that children cannot live with their parents is never an easy one.
"The hurdles for taking into care are extremely high," he emphasizes.
But sometimes there is no other way.
Like the drug addict mother who pledged to be clean to get her children back.
“But drugs were found during the entrance inspection at the court.” In general, “No decision is forever,” says Meixner.
And: "Children have the right to interact with both parents."
Dispute over financial matters in the event of divorce
Even without children, divorce often leads to violent arguments. “A life plan has failed for the couple,” says Meixner. His appeal: “One should not enter into marriage lightly. Many are not aware of what a marriage means. ”In one case, the marriage broke up on the wedding day:“ On the wedding night, the groom had an affair with the maid of honor and the woman's best friend, ”says the judge.
There are often disputes over finances. If a couple bought an apartment together, one partner would have to pay the other half of the value. Not easy with Munich real estate prices. “Often there is nothing left but to sell the apartment,” reports Meixner. He also decides who is allowed to stay in the shared apartment - that is always a source of ignition. Sometimes livelihoods are at stake. For a craftsman who had a one-man business at the wedding and built up a company with several employees over the years - with the support of his ex-wife - it can be difficult to pay off half of the increase in value. In such cases, as is often the case at the family court, the only thing that helps is to talk. "For us, it's a lot about interpersonal relationships," says Martin Meixner. That's exactly what he likes about his job.
The family judge's tips
Before a wedding, check whether the normal legal regulations suit your circumstances or whether you are better off signing a prenuptial agreement. This can make sense, for example, if you are self-employed or have a high level of wealth. A marriage contract can also be concluded while a marriage is in progress. Before marriage, make an honest inventory of what both partners have.
As a couple, make a conscious decision about how roles should be distributed in the family and who will take on which tasks. The family court orients itself in dealing with the family's previous living situation.
In the event of a crisis, talk to each other in good time before the fronts have hardened. Get help with counseling options. Be open and honest there and in court.
Keep relationship disputes away from the children. Do not transfer your own reservations to the child. Support interactions with the other parent. Do not use alimony as a means of extortion. Maintenance and handling should be viewed separately from one another.
Participate when relief measures are offered or determined by the court.
Consider the high cost of a long litigation. Often both partners get off financially better if they come to an amicable agreement.