In the instructions sent with the schedule for the "Sisterhood" retreat in the desert, it is written that you should bring something warm for the night, and forget to bring judgment and cynicism. Suffice it to mention that these two elements should be left at home The experiential experiment I did, I try to remember at what point in the weekend I realized that the human-female group that had gathered in the yellow house in front of the white hill at the end of Yeruham - redeemed me from using these two defenses.
Leaving the house for the weekend is a significant sacrifice for me. A soldier returning home for the weekend is a precious gesture that is hard to give up in order to spend a day with women I do not know. Feelings of guilt rise to heights, even when you hear their roars of joy because you have left them an empty house. You wonder beyond the door if it's not better for you to stay anyway. But in the 2010 release I decided to check something else.
In this experiment, which I have been following on Facebook for about a year, they are trying to teach you to rethink, as a woman.
Is it possible to break feminist clichés and infuse them with a different reality?
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Before I left for Yeruham, I met the mother queen of the Sisterhood movement, Michal Barkai Brody, 39, who heads a venture that started - of course - entirely by chance. In the early days of Corona, March 2020, she inaugurated the establishment of a new business with a partner. The partner got used to the new reality, realized that this was not the time to be independent and retired from the business partnership that had just emerged into the world. "It was a business whose purpose was organizational consulting and the promotion of forums for women," recalls Michal. For free and what is my added value to the world, and then I got a call from Lily Ben Ami, who told me about her dream to establish a technological acton in memory of her sister, Michal Sala, who was murdered by her husband in October 2019. She asked me how it is in Israel to arrest a suicide bomber The trigger but a woman will still be murdered by her partner.We raised the acton against domestic violence. I raised money and 200 volunteers, technology companies that will be partners, and all the women's organizations in Israel. "
Sounds like a promising start to something new.
"When it was over I felt I had nothing and decided to look for what I still know how to do, and work with it."
Michal was born and raised in North Tel Aviv. After military service, she studied law, did an internship with Adv. Eliad Shraga, but felt empty. Michal continued for several social projects with the Jerusalem Municipality.
"I went back to the preparatory school I started and started teaching them, voluntarily. Lessons about life itself, about the power of being vulnerable, about relationships that benefit women. After each lesson I wrote a post on Facebook summarizing the subject, and tagged everything in" #sisterhood ". "Tonight I'm giving the lesson on Facebook Live." To my surprise, about 50 women joined. And after the lesson, another 50 wrote that they missed it. So I gave another one. "
The subject sounds abstract, what makes women join mass studies in zoom without a certificate?
"I also did not know what it was and what I know to give. They asked me so I said 'yes'. Then I decided to open a gender studies class called 'Sisterhood'. I expanded the format to understand what from what I taught resonates with women. Over time I limited the number of participants because I realized I needed to see them, and in zoom only 25 women enter the squares. "
Michal Barkai Brody Photo: Dudu Greenspan,
Who needs a community?
"Sisterhood" is a concept in the feminist theory conceived by the philosopher Bell Hooks, translated into Hebrew: sisters.
The classes Barkai Brody taught included chapters in the history of feminism, in academic concepts of the theory of feminism, and in the practice in which they are applied in the labor market.
Bell Hawks speaks of the Sisterhood as a double-edged sword. Women can be good to each other but also bitter and unfriendly enemies. More than men.
"Bell Hawks introduced the concept of ethnicity and race to the concept: as a black woman, she argues that black women are twice oppressed, both by men and white women. I learned that the best way to allow women to be a tribe is to create separate spaces for women only."
This contradicts the popular trend that tries to ban gatherings for women only.
"Precisely in the Ministry of Education I saw how the token falls, that girls need personal treatment in a separate group of girls. There is magic created in a female group, and it allows deep things to form in a short time. It will not happen in a group with men. That's when we get there. "
Michal is radiant and I am scared. Men left aside - I do not understand how someone who already has a job and children also needs a community of women. Who has time to operate this event at all? From my point of view it sounds threatening. Maybe because I read the theories without hearing them directly from Michal, and I only read the conclusions on Facebook.
Why did you start with the retreats? I saw your husband and daughter. You're not easy to leave either. And for you it's not a one-time thing, it's always led by such weekends.
"The deep meaning of a retreat in English is to retreat, to retire. That is, to pause for a moment from life. For me it is a concentrated capsule of inspiration and love. I do not know how much it sounds spiritual and detached and how much it conveys the real thing which is 'sisterhood'. After several parallel lesson cycles, the demand came to meet. Women shared life on screen and then came the retreats within the previous waves of the corona. The concentrated time was a crazy leap for all of them, one participant said that in half a year of psychological treatment she did not progress as after a retreat of the Sisterhood. "
An hour and a half drive from Jerusalem and we are in Yeruham. The air is great and I'm under pressure. I wish someone would need me at home and I would run away. Michal, you guessed it, is happy. 15 women arrive in a drip to the house at the edge of town. Only a few were in exactly the same course, most from parallel cycles. Someone is debating whether she should make sure her husband gets along with the baby and around her yells, "No!". Another one arrives late, straight from a summer camp end party. Someone I saw who arrived in the car of a famous international company unloads in the kitchen ingredients for making a cocktail for everyone. Did I come to a pajama party?
I'm just thinking about how to organize a family vacation here.
The house has a cute front yard, and the back is sunny.
In the attached schedule it was written to bring a swimsuit, but this cottage does not mention the luxury picture that managed to settle in my head. I surround the two-story building and the attic, apply chlorine and find an intact pool near the warehouse. Arrange comfortably in bunk beds or mattresses.There are also some regular beds.I grabbed the only secret room with the single bed.Ness in town.
Bring something warm for the night, do not bring judgment and cynicism. Participants in the retreat: Dudu Greenspan,
Female vitamin, and enjoy
A natural acquaintance round in the grass outside. This is a class that Belle Hawks must have included when she wrote about Sisterhood: a classic case of women who can sit in a circle and be nice, but also pull out nails and do mud wrestling in the center. Usually, this is the moment when each one measures who is in front of her: what she is wearing, what she is doing, how old she is and what she has accomplished in each of the critical arenas of work-career-money-relationship. You can be a queen in any of these circles, but there is no woman who really enjoys these rounds, when no one remembers what the other said but concentrates on getting them out well, leaving a true impression that does not interest anyone anyway.
And here, all of a sudden, I found myself getting ready for battle but making a mistake in the genre.
The sharpened knives remained in the air as Michal gave a sequence of exercises that placed the thought differently.
I did spiritual networking.
There was a lot of food this Saturday, everything is made by Yeruham and everything is delicious and invested.
And there were also many rituals, not religious in the classical sense, but ones that were invented, and that paradoxically evoked an answer.
For example, a thanksgiving ceremony in which each one tells what she has to thank.
You have to remove so many shells to be honest with yourself and do a private inventory count, rank the things that really matter in life and understand who deserves thanks for them.
At the top of a white hill, as the sun begins to set, Saturday night between the suns, 15 women who still do not know what each one is doing for a living already know what each one is thankful for.
There were tears and there were hugs from women unfamiliar to new women, and there was a guitar with silent songs, and holiness out of nowhere and the creation of a religious ceremony of receiving Shabbat without being commanded long ago.
The American-Jewish psychologist Carol Gilligan, one of the mothers of scientific feminist philosophy, likened the male view of the world to a hierarchical pyramid, and the female view to a network of connections and connections. About two generations have passed since then, the general balance seems to have changed, but nature has drowned it. No need for research, enough to look around. I was still looking sideways at the successful women without being a part of it, but I was completely fascinated.
We came down from the mountain and the person in question lit Shabbat candles. The politics of Israeli identities does not play a role when one looks inward, and in any case there are no screens and virtual social networks in existence. In the evening someone performed a kiddush, they all sat at the table and slowly the human puzzle expanded and deepened.
I spoke with some of them: Adv. Dafna Shagal Fodor, an immigration and human rights expert and owner of an independent firm. Married to a child from Tel Aviv. Shai Bronstein Regev, director of business development and strategy at a large high-tech company. Yes, in a start-up that grew and made an exit. Married with three children from Tel Aviv.
Why does a collection of smart, successful and profitable women need female empowerment?
They both answer decisively: "This is not female empowerment!" Shai: "It is a validity and a reflection, and a radical sincerity that allows us to be who we are. Most women deal with life itself alone, regardless of personal situation, because society and the system teach us that we are advancing at each other's expense, and see it everywhere today - in sports, politics , At work. Here we learn not to. We pull each other up. We are all on the same side. Share in successes and dilemmas, no one should think alone how to increase herself and make herself more, the female partnership is such a vitamin that you should know it exists, and why not take him?".
Daphne: "For me, it's a circle of mirrors that reflect a accepting and softer side towards myself, and sometimes women who are deeply rooted in male competition, in a world that is very masculine, have to accept themselves, accept the weak, glamorous and glittery sides of me. "When I see how beautiful in my eyes the so-called weak side of another woman is, when she is strong and also tells how difficult it is for her. When I see how beautiful it is to admit with difficulty, I allow myself to show the vulnerability."
Men do not show vulnerability?
Daphne: "The business world is a world where people come to quarrel. I started Sisterhood when I was in a business partnership with a man, and many things I heard here gave me confidence to go independent, to do in my own way different from the men next to me, and to understand that it is an advantage rather than a disadvantage."
Shay: "Coming here is like our 'reserve', we are artificially producing something that happens naturally in the male world. Most of us are mothers, and we all want to be our best version of our lives. And that cannot be done alone."
What do you think is the difference between such a group of women coming together and a group of men?
Shai: "It may be that the discourse in men's groups is more tactical and here it is more for life, for the soul. Here you can not know until an advanced stage how old someone is or what she is doing today, but you know where she comes from and where she wants to go, and it helps you to be "For her and to support her deeply. We are all day busy filling other people's containers: our children, our relationships, our role. And there is nothing so powerful that charges the battery and fills your tank."
Do these events have no by-product of male hatred or female supremacy?
Daphne: "No. I think this feminism is not against men, it is for women, for looking at our life experience, understanding our needs a little better. At some point it stops being a feminist discourse and becomes just a female discourse with an open heart. After I finished Sisterhood "My husband said: 'Everything that Michal does, make an impression, you shine.'"
Dafna Shagal Fodor // Photo: Dudu Greenspan,
Men hug too
Ella Bar-David, a senior director at the Ministry of Economy and Industry and in charge of gender equality in the ministry's work arm, left a husband and four children at home in Jerusalem.
I'm told here you're the oldest.
"I was in the first round of 'Sisterhood,' and it was an anchor for me when the world went crazy at the beginning of the corona. In the new role, I introduced gender content, a discourse on sexual harassment, gender medicine, and I brought heroines from women's history to the forefront. "
In the new government, the proportion of senior women in senior management positions has broken a record. Wake, CEO, the senior management. This makes it unnecessary to B"sistrhod "?
" In terms of the area it is clear that, when a senior female representation, more women will be senior managers and vice president, and it seems the company is going in these directions that the models for inspiration. Even The discourse is naturally one of cooperation. As for the Sisterhood, look at the numbers and understand. We are still in a situation where the potential of women in the labor market is not worth 82 billion shekels a year to the state budget. Relationships enable or a circle of support. "
Explain.
"In married women, in most homes it is a matter of sharing the burden and the ability to produce solutions. Instead of the automatic solution being for the woman to take care of the children and the home, it is possible to create a different division between the man and the woman and create solutions around the woman. As it is today, when the gaps are only supposedly narrowing, it will take us another 70 years to reach the box where countries like Finland, Canada, Australia or Belgium are today, countries we compare ourselves to. We still have a woman as the second breadwinner. That is, when a man earns NIS 10,000, a woman's salary in the same position is NIS 6,800.
Sisterhood and motivation sharpen gender differences. It's not dangerous when it enters the house?
"This feminist agenda embraces men as well. It says for example that the parental right is also of fathers to be in a parenting position, and not detract from your conditions as an employee. Feminism in the end is equality of opportunity between women and men, economically and socially, and what we as parents want for our daughters."
Shai Bronstein-Regev // Photo: Dudu Greenspan,
An epidemic called loneliness
Moran Alfasi, president and founder of "Holocaust Heroes Worldwide", who lives in Miami, also came to Israel at a time that would allow her to participate. Nitzan Bernstein, co-CEO of Endometriosis Israel, Dana Sander Mula, director of Momentum in Israel, was also present; Traits to take in and improve - while traits to release, what kind of "good" do you see in the person next to you, along with verbal and physical hugs. It took me a while to realize that Sisterhood is indeed not a female empowerment seminar or other clichéd course, but an uncompromising leadership venture for a different kind of subversive feminism.
Time passes quickly, on a day reminiscent of a summer camp of a youth movement, where you gain connections and friendships, enter a new world and a new language that is both soothing and invigorating and almost forgets where you came from.
The evening goes down, each one packing at her own pace.
Some call to find out how the husband got along and how the baby is doing.
You can also call from the road.
You can meet at home.
There are also bachelorettes.
Michal returns the kitchen in the yellow house to its original state, passes the floors, finds forgotten items.
Her husband is already used to it, she does not find out how time has passed for him.
Ella Bar David // Photo: Dudu Greenspan,
What is the most important thing for you in such a retreat?
"The female brotherhood. Throughout human history women have always had their tribe, women lived together. In Jerusalem it was the common yard in Nachlaot, in communities in the East and West women lived together. They did laundry together and raised children together. The reality today that we do not live within a tribe is relatively new .
Maybe you do not need it anymore?
"There are those who do not need it and it is excellent, but studies show that one of the most dangerous epidemics in the world right now is loneliness. 'Sisterhood' fills in the gaps. I did not invest a penny in advertising, nor did I intend to make the lessons what we will be."
People dislike feminism.
"Yes, people are scared. I do not say that word. It is called The F word. Feminism is the biggest revolution in human history that has the worst public relations."
What would be considered success in your eyes?
"If you're the only woman in the room, you're doing something wrong. Promote more women to your success. The Mackenzie report and the ILO report from the International Labor Organization talk about the fact that when you are the only woman in the room, you hold the role of 'woman'. The classic example is Golda. Meir: When you ask, 'What about a woman in the prime minister's office?'
"They tell you 'there was one and she failed.'