For more than a week and a half, the abuse affair at the Bnei Zion shelter in Rosh HaAyin has not let up on Dr. Ilan Rabinowitz, the "pet psychiatrist of the media," as he calls himself.
Yotam (26) and Keren (25), two of his and his wife Yonit's three children, are diagnosed with low-functioning autism.
They studied at the place in their youth, their friends live there and they themselves are still educated by the Elor Association, which operated it.
Rabinowitz himself is a senior, active and connected figure in the parent community for children with special needs.
"Once the affair exploded, my cell phone was bombarded with dozens of WhatsApps," he says, "the pressure was insane because as parents this is our biggest fear. We don't let Yotam and Keren go anywhere unaccompanied on our behalf until people around us already think we're overprotective."
Do you know the children who were injured?
"Yes, I have known them for 15 years, I know the families. They are the children of us all. Now the police have discovered four months of abuse, which includes more than 600 injuries - whipping, punching, finger pointing, changing staff in disabled beds and more - And the most burning question is what they have not yet discovered.
"Since the affair exploded I have been in constant contact with the parents and families of the injured children. They are shattered and have lost faith in the system. The discovery came after for a while they noticed physical injuries in the children, alongside behavioral regression, but staff excused injuries and falls.
"At the moment they do not have an alternative framework for children, and the promise of Welfare Minister Meir Cohen to look for a new operator for the hostel, instead of the Elor association that did not properly supervise the caregivers who worked on its behalf at the center, is a complex process that will take months."
What is the association's part in the affair? Did they have to monitor the residence more closely?
"Alor specializes in working with low-functioning autism, and it operates out-of-home settings and employs a professional team of therapists, as well as a special employment system for people with special needs. It is an excellent association of 800 people, most of whom do sacred work. They are like our family, and with "Yotam and Keren did a holy work. They were there until the age of 21 and flourished. A large part of their friends stayed in the daycare center in Rosh HaAyin. At the moment, the ground on which hundreds of parents walk is cracked, and some of them really feel drowning. Something must change in the system."
"Whipping and punching."
The residence in Rosh HaAyin, Photo: Yossi Zeliger
• • •
Today, Yotam and Keren live with their parents, Ilan and Yonit, and their close caregivers, in Ramat Gan.
Every morning, they are taken to rehabilitative employment in Petah Tikva, also as part of Elor, where they work with them in individual treatments and they participate in activities, such as preparing battle rations for soldiers.
"There's always someone next to them, and they're also the only ones from their yearbook who still live in the house," Rabinowitz says.
Do you feel they are not ready to leave the house yet?
"We understand that they can not stay with us at home forever, but at the moment we do not see a situation where we can say goodbye to them. This is our problem, and after an event like the one that happened now, our sensitivity is even greater. , Within the organization that Yotam and Keren have been educated in for almost a decade, there are hundreds of films documenting staff members who have physically abused these helpless people - it does not reassure me.
"Keren and Liotam have very poor lip ability, they do not know how to beware of dangers and need mediation with the environment, which means close supervision 24 hours a day. It should be understood that if someone harms my children, they will not know to tell me. Keren is already a 25-year-old woman 'It's beautiful, and if anyone does anything to her, we can not know. If before the abuses were exposed we had thoughts of bringing them to life, today I say, wow, we were right in our way.
"In addition, autism is still a bit of a curse because society does not understand it. The environment is not always patient with them, for some people it is difficult to accept who is different.
"On the other hand, I can not really tell this to other parents. I run the largest clinic in the country and work directly with the authorities for many years, Yonit is an accountant with a master's degree in economics who works in a successful American real estate investment fund, so we are in financial condition "Good and we were able to build the house that is most right for us - five floors that include a housing unit for Yotam and Keren, and also for the Filipino caregivers who help them."
How much does raising children cost you?
"Tens of thousands of shekels a month. They both have 100 percent permanent disability and are fully nursing, but the state does not cover even ten percent of the usual expenses on them, and besides that there are not enough frameworks for them. It is an endless struggle around every little thing."
"Some people find it hard to accept who is different."
Yotam and Keren in their youth, Photo: From the family album
• • •
Rabinowitz, who will celebrate 54 next week, and Yonit, who is a year younger than him, have been together for 35 years.
The walls of the house are covered with framed family photographs.
"Even in our youth we were art lovers, we collected works, until one day we decided we did not want art on the walls - we want the children."
At the end of the tour of the house we sit on the rug in the center of Rabinowitz's spacious guest room.
"We sit on the floor," he says.
"All the world's visited this house. Bibi Netanyahu, Yair Lapid, Bennett was also here and Ayelet Shaked. It is a lively house."
He met Yonit through her brother Amir, who was the partner of his sister Merav for five years.
The two began dating when he was a third officer at the Paratroopers Corps headquarters and a chief infantry officer, and two and a half years later they married.
"I grew up in Gush Dan, but we both came from national-religious homes, the golden children of religious Zionism," he says.
"At our wedding there was a joke that if the kids were as beautiful as Ionic and smart like me it would be breed improvement, and if it was the other way around it would not be terrible either. Being a parent was our top priority, but we could not get pregnant.
"For six years we were in complex fertility treatments. We did 32 in vitro fertilizations, and all the professors who treated us did not understand why the fetuses were not absorbed. Only in the 33rd fertilization did Ionia get pregnant and Dana was born. When she was six months old, As early as Thursday with Yotam, a woman after giving birth is very fertile, but we did not imagine that a spontaneous pregnancy would happen to us. We were told that we had defeated nature.
"The exact same thing was with Keren, and within two years we had three children. We were happy, we did not imagine autism. It was not in existence at all, because in our families there is no genetic or hereditary problem.
"Dana spoke fluently at the age of 8 months, and I as a doctor knew that children should not be compared, but when they were about a year old and had not yet developed, Yonit told me that something was wrong with him. I was already a senior doctor in Sheba Tel Hashomer, so to keep her quiet we went to all The doctors for the development of the child.
"We went for more and more tests, and in the end Yotam was hospitalized in Schneider and diagnosed that he had a hearing problem. They had surgery and for two months injected him with intravenous antibiotics because they claimed there was an accumulation of fluid in the ears and that it was an organic problem. .
"When they were a year and a half old, we sent him to Dana's home, and very quickly the teacher called and said, 'Ionic is right, the boy is not like all the other children.' But the doctors said otherwise. About Jenny McCarthy, who told about her autistic child. Throughout the reading I said to myself 'it's just like Yotam'. I realized we were welcome.
"As soon as they put all the characteristics of autism on Yotam, Yonit woke me up one morning and said, 'The foundation has exactly the same thing.'
But she was right, again. "
How did you get this understanding?
"Yotam and Keren are exceptional among the exceptions. At the age of two we introduced them to a project that took developmentally retarded children and gave them a therapeutic booster, using all sorts of methods to advance their abilities. That one somehow Yotam, Keren, and probably their Yaeli as well, stayed in place.in the lowest functioning.
"We went through three intense years together with a sense of mourning. We felt our world was destroyed. At that time we disconnected from all the other friends, especially those with children of the same age, because you see how day by day the gaps grow. Seeing a normal child at your child's age presents you mirror image".
What reactions did you get from the environment?
"People are suffocating with love. They asked us a lot of questions and we had a feeling the world did not understand. It was not that I was ashamed, but I did not want to walk down the street and have them say, 'This is the psychiatrist who has two autistic children.'
"For years I worked and functioned by the force of inertia. On the outside I showed as if everything was fine, but on the inside there was a strong but, accompanied by a feeling that there is no present and no future."
And how was your relationship with God at that time?
"When my children were diagnosed with autism I lost the ability to believe wholeheartedly, blindly, in the Creator of the world. I became dependent and angry. It did not allow us to remain religious. It is possible to keep Shabbat.
"One gloomy day I got up in the morning and did not wear the kippah anymore. Ionic did not ask. It was clear to us that we had stopped being religious on the day our children's diagnosis was signed."
"I called her crying and said one word to her: 'You were right.'"
With his wife Yonit, Photo: Arik Sultan
• • •
Along with the difficult feelings, the Rabinowitz couple tried various treatment methods to help the foundation and its people as much as possible, including initiatives and projects they set up themselves.
"We have set up special schools with the help of donations we have raised, as well as the entire ABA system (an educational treatment method that is adapted to children on the spectrum and is based on positive reinforcements; N.W.).
I think we, this parent group - us, the torches and others - have plowed the ground for today's generation.
We brought to Israel the latest techniques and worked hard to try, somehow, to promote the children.
"Today, 25 years away, as a father and as a doctor, I know that even with all the most innovative treatments, if a child is doomed to be a low-functioning autistic - you may be able to promote him, but not make him a high-functioning autistic. It has no cure."
During these years, did you learn to accept Keren and Yotam differently?
"Parenting gives us the greatest moments of happiness, and on the other hand the most powerful anxieties. Ionic and I have discovered that we have powers we did not know existed.
"In this segment, Yair Lapid really saved us. After three years, he helped us understand that we had to decide to live. We stopped thinking 'what if', we stopped feeling poor, we stopped comparing. We started to be happy with what we have, and from there came the decision to stop hiding and start marching. Proudly.Don't be ashamed.
"I think children also built our careers. What is the most important thing for a psychiatrist, a clinician, a psychotherapist? To get into the mind of the person sitting in front of him, to understand how he feels and to empathize with his feelings. I think I can get into a lot of people's things. Yotam and Keren.
"Yair also went into politics out of a genuine desire to change. He is a man, and it is a pity that the public does not know how sensitive and mission-driven he is. Yaeli filled him with a sense of mission, just as my children made me total, fatherly, inclusive and considerate of my patients."
• • •
"We really wanted to have another healthy child," Rabinowitz admits. Percent. So we decided to stop. So we also understood why we needed 33 in vitro fertilizations before Dana was absorbed.
"There is an infinite gap between raising one autistic child with low functioning compared to two. It is not a double difficulty, but a million times, so three? Understand, there is never any peace. Autistic people with special needs have difficult times, and we always have one of them in difficult times.
"They need their routine and any change is difficult for them, so during the closure periods it was very difficult for them. You have to constantly create employment for them, because they do not know how to employ themselves. New places also stress them, and there were times they could be violent towards themselves or The environment.There were sleep problems, and they have epilepsy and they take a lot of medication and pills every day.
"In addition, although they are rewarded and usually go to the bathroom alone, but you have to help them with bathing. They dress alone, but in instructions, and have little obsessions with regular recurring rituals. Keren, for example, likes to lie in bed with Ionic in her room and arrange all kinds of cosmetics. Ionic's she can play it for hours.
"Every night they fall asleep with us in bed, and then we drag them with the help of the caregivers to their beds. We have a private elevator at home directly from our bedroom to their unit, there is no choice."
Are they aware of the differences between them and others?
"I think not. In low-functioning autism there is also retardation, so I think they are unaware of their abnormalities. With everything they face, I'm sure they'm happy. Their connection to Ionic and Eli is almost symbiotic. A much more stubborn beam, a freak control like her dad. Very total.Yotam is as flexible and soft as his mother.They complement each other.
"They also know who gives them love and who recoils, and they know how to give love back. For the past year, Tzipi Refaeli has volunteered twice a week for their rehabilitative employment, so Yotam and Keren were photographed with her for the 'Herfalis' series, which will air this month on HOT. With Tzipi and Bar Refaeli, what characterized them both was that they were not scared.
"When Bar met Yotam for the first time, she went up to him and said, 'Hey, I'm a bar. Give me a hand,' and suddenly it seems most natural in the world to see the two of them walking hand in hand in State Square. '
"They were not frightened."
Bar and Tzipi Refaeli with Yotam, Keren and Ilan, Photo: From the family album
The Rabinowitz family experienced other happy moments two years ago, when their daughter Dana (27) married Ido Savyon and they both have a promising career in high-tech.
"They recognized the gifted class of Blich High School in Ramat Gan," says the proud father.
"Ido loved Dana all high school, like Ross from 'Friends,' but only in the military did he have the courage to make the move."
The corona plague forced them to cancel their wedding plans with a thousand guests and change format, but it turned out that this also happened for the better.
"Thanks to the corona we had to hold the wedding here at home, of course according to Ministry of Health regulations and with only 120 guests, but if in a big wedding Keren and Yotam could not attend, at home they were present and that is the most amazing thing that can happen."
• • •
Rabinowitz also carries with him another family tragedy, which shook his world at a young age.
"Two months before my bar mitzvah, my little brother Yoav was killed in a shocking car accident when he was 10. He was run over by a train on a Bnei Akiva trip, and my family fell apart. My parents did not function for five years. There was no psychiatrist or psychologist who told them 'take pills "Do treatments." I, at the age of 13, became the 'dad' of my two little sisters.
"I experienced the same feelings 25 years ago, when I felt 'alive' because of the discovery of autism. When I came out of it it was clear to me that I had to spread the word, and that the way was through the media. I never claimed to be the national psychiatrist, nor the best psychiatrist or The most successful.
"It was important for me to influence not only the micro level, but also the macro level. Psychiatry deals with quality of life. I have on the couch the most famous and successful people in their field - judges, politicians, artists, creators, writers, financiers and simple people who decided Ilan Rabinowitz could do better "
He started from a corner on Varda Raziel Jacqueline's radio show, then presented his own shows, wrote articles, worked in various TV productions, and also got involved in several scandals.
Do you understand the conflict that arises when a person like you, who engages in a profession that requires discretion and privacy, is attracted to media exposure and publicity?
"My publicity was done consciously from the beginning. When I became famous I already treated famous people and I knew that communication and publicity are a double-edged sword. They raise you and take you down, and when you are exposed you lose privacy and get hurt. Great, and my publicity does not contradict or impair my work as a physician.I am an opinionated, reasoned and strong person, who is also willing to pay prices sometimes.
"It is also important for me to emphasize that I take great care to maintain the privacy and discretion of my patients. Media people sometimes have a tendency to confuse my hometown and my famous personal friends with my patients, but I make a clear separation.
Speaking of Topaz, Rabinowitz stood up, walked over to the shelf and pulled out a framed letter left to him by the rating king.
"To Ilan, whoever calls you a 'psychiatrist' reduces your value," the first wrote to him in entertainment in blue ink and rounded handwriting.
"Thank you, Dudu Topaz."
The date, written in the top corner of the paper, is February 22, 2009: three months before Topaz's arrest, six months before his suicide in the holding cell.
"This is an example of a scoundrel actually done to me," Rabinowitz explains and his voice grows stronger.
"His uncle's three children, Jonathan, Omar and Daniel, are like my kids. We have a WhatsApp group in common and I keep in close contact with them, so no one will teach me about ethics and conduct."
Rabinowitz refers to the pressure of criticism leveled at him five years ago, when in parallel with the publication of the autobiographical book about his life, "Psychiatrist on the Couch," he released for publication the last message Topaz left on his secretary's answering machine at the clinic, shortly before he ended his life.
"Dudu Topaz from Nitzan Detention Center is speaking here," he was heard in the same last call from prison.
"I am so ashamed of Ilan Rabinowitz. I want him to come and examine me, to analyze what happened to me. Only he will understand. I want to understand everything. I do not know what made me. Only I trust him. Come to me quickly. Make an appointment as a psychiatrist to come to me "You almost rebuilt my ego, and I came and destroyed. I never wanted violence. Things happened that got out of my control. Thank you."
Dudu Topaz.
"He regretted it", Photo: Moshe Shai
"Dudu Topaz was a smart and calculated man," says Rabinowitz. Life dozens of times, and then shed my blood.
"He chose to leave a message on my secretary's answering machine at the clinic. Not on my cell phone, not on my phone at home. He knew that when I heard the message, he would already be barren. It was kind of a will, because in that message his uncle apologized. He regretted it. And he knew. That it will be heard after his death. "
For seven years Rabinowitz went with this tape, and for the first time throughout our long conversation, as he talked about it, his voice cracked for a moment.
"I made sure that Keshet's CEO Avi Nir, Elad Kuperman (who produced 'Big Brother' at the time; NU) and all of his uncle's other casualties would hear it. "I'm proud to have released it. He wanted this recording released."
But the really big publicity, including everything involved, was experienced by Rabinowitz in 2012, when it was revealed that in his work as a medical consultant in the production of the second season of "Big Brother" he persuaded contestants to take psychiatric pills throughout their participation in the program.
The story unfolded into lawsuits and an exchange of accusations.
"I am prevented today from talking about my preoccupation with reality, because I signed a legal agreement with Keshet that prohibits me from talking about any work I have done with Keshet," he explains.
In his book, Rabinowitz also referred to that affair.
"I retired from providing professional help to reality shows," he writes.
"Things you see from there are not seen anywhere else. I am sorry and regret that I used to be a fig leaf for such a beloved and leading genre in Israeli television viewing culture - but one with which I have a conscientious problem. Mandatory codes of conduct must be established."
In recent years, more and more psychologists are being seen on the screen, for example in "Wedding at First Sight" or "Couple Therapy," and there have been claims of rating considerations.
Does this bother you?
"I think it's not right for me today to talk about the psychologists at 'Wedding at First Sight', or about psychologists who do other treatments on screen. I have to be silent. I can say one thing: if the therapist who appears on the show feels as authentic, independent and therapist as he was therapist Even without cameras, and think that exposing the treatment will help the person sitting in front of him, who wants and understands the consequences, and if the therapist has full control over what is published - I trust him with my eyes closed. If this is not the case - there is a problem.
"On-screen therapy should not serve the ratings, the production or the viewers, but only the person sitting on the psychologist's couch."
• • •
After a long pause, Rabinowitz will soon return to the screen on the standard of the therapist of Tzipi Refaeli in the series "The Refaels".
"I am very whole with what I did there, because it was done at the express request of Tzipi and the Rafaeli family," he says.
"Tzipi is exposed in the treatment room, also in things related to the time she was in prison and more. Whoever watches will also understand how involved I am in her life. She has been done a great injustice in the media, and I hope the series will see the real Tzipi."
So you went back to reality?
"I, as Dr. Ilan Rabinowitz, will not do reality anymore.
It's my decision.
There is a difference between a reality show of the kind where all the control is in the hands of the production, and a camera that accompanies a person in his life and as part of the exposure he chooses to reveal his treatment as well because it is important for him to know something about him.
"At the time, after 'Big Brother', 'Connected' creators Ami Tir and Yoram Landes offered me to participate in the program. We agreed because they told us, 'This is how they will know you, we want to show how a family with two autistic children lives. That's part of your mission.' The contract has a clause that allows us to retire, and after we had already managed to photograph quite a bit and they liked it, we finally decided it was not right for us.
"As someone who worked in the field, I immediately understood which scenes we were filming would come to the screen. I thought to myself that it should be an idiot not to take these scenes, so I said 'it's big on us'. I really appreciated the production that honored the agreement, Of 'Raphaelis'.
"Television is meant to entertain above all else, and you have to remember that. Even today, as the manager of the largest clinic in Israel, someone who has been hurt by reality all the time is sitting on the couch, and it's quite wise to hint. I'm talking about reality shows that have received the highest ratings. "Watching reality, but continuing to make a living on the therapeutic side of reality stars, and it will probably continue like this."
nirw@israelhayom.co.il
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