If we were living in a romantic comedy, the encounter with the choice of our hearts would take place in a sudden collision in the street, with all our belongings scattered on the sidewalk.
Crossing looks, and hope - love at first sight.
In reality, in order to find love, we often need the help of friends, family, acquaintances at work, and also, professional matchmakers, who have been replaced in the 21st century by a variety of dating apps.
Just before Valentine's Day, the international Valentine's Day that will take place on Monday, we returned to the matchmaking profession in the Land of Israel, and to the colorful figures who worked in the field and bought themselves more than one safe place in heaven.
Some believe that Gd himself was the first matchmaker, when he knew Adam and Eve, but the first real matchmaking ads began to appear in the late 19th century, in Yiddish and Hebrew, in the Jewish press in Israel and in the Diaspora. 1901 in Poland and immigrated to Israel in 1929, after traveling around the world for about a decade as a sailor on a ship, and even tattooing a female figure on his arm.
"Lieber, who was a handsome and tall man, with blue eyes, fair skin and devilish hair, was also a marketing genius," explains Dr. Orit Yael, a gender historian and lecturer at Kinneret Academic College, whose doctoral dissertation at Bar-Ilan University dealt with relationships and gender relations in Israel. Israel during the British Mandate. "Lieber recognized that there was a vacuum in the dating field and used to hang out in public places in Tel Aviv, in cafes or on the beach, and simply pushed passers-by with notes with his details.
That's how he met Alexander Zauber in 1932 - an acquaintance who changed the field of matchmaking in Israel. "
• • •
Zauber, who immigrated from Hungary in the early 1930s, was a new type of journalist in the country.
He founded and edited a newspaper called "Special Newspaper", which was published in the years 1953-1933.
The newspaper was not committed to any political current, and its symbol was a divorced coin with a hole.
The news published in it was collected from courts, police stations, rabbinical courts, from the street, from the beach and more.
On top of that, the headlines were big and sensational for their time.
No wonder the paper is considered "yellow" and sells a handful of copies - but is secretly read by many readers.
Later, in his newspaper, Zauber repeated his meeting with Lieber: "By the sea, a tall guy approached me and tucked me in a few notes. I printed and read: And avenues.to take only seriously '.
"I laughed and tucked the note into my pocket. The matchmaker saw the thing from a distance, and immediately popped up next to me and began to enslave me. ' 23, with dowry, orchard and house, from family. "
An advertisement for the matchmaking business of Joseph Lieber, 1940s.
Insert notes for passers-by who come to him, Photo: From "The Modern Matchmaker: A Modern Guide to Marriage in Israel", Tel Aviv, 1938
Although he was already married, Zauber recognized the economic potential of Lieber, and in 1933 the two began working together and turned a significant portion of the paper into a board of matchmaking ads.
"Lieber's customers would post on a large page called 'The Matchmaking Corner,' where searches and matchmaking proposals were published," says Dr. Yael. "Everyone posted there, men and women, of all ages and situations."
Where did Lieber get his clients from?
"Anyway. From the 1920s, and especially after the Holocaust, the country is full of young people, many of whom came alone. I say that 'Cloud of Hormones' hovered over the settlement. Everyone was looking for a relationship for romantic, sexual, economic and social reasons.
"Of course, the majority preferred the matchmaking for wedding purposes, since unfounded relationships damaged the good name. Lieber called himself the 'modern matchmaker' and opened a small, musty office on Maccabi Street at the corner of Bezalel Street, under the name 'Linking in Life: A Modern Matchmaking Office.' "Also in Jerusalem and Haifa. He used to publish in the newspaper where exactly he could be found and at what hours."
What was the nature of the matchmaking ads in the newspaper?
"People 'sold' themselves in ads with a small amount of words, and Zauber and Lieber gave each ad a colorful and appealing title. For example, an ad from 1942 was titled 'An 18-year-old beauty wants to get married.' Or a fortune-teller aged up to 35. A native of the country. Absolutely brunette and beautiful. Educated, intelligent and from a privileged family. '
"The collection of words in the ad included the financial situation of the advertisers and those who wanted to match. Women also highlighted their appearance and used to specify what amount of money or property, for example 'landowner', they bring as a dowry. At the end of the ad, a code of letters and numbers was specified, through which the advertiser could be located and contacted. "Balanced and fair."
The ads convey a fairly equal relationship between men and women, even though society was more chauvinistic at the time.
"That was the norm, but Lieber was indeed relatively egalitarian."
Matchmaking ads and advertisements of matchmakers from the 30s and 40s,
Evidence of equality in which Degel Lieber, who has since divorced and remarried, is the partnership in his work as a matchmaker with his second wife, Brunia.
"Lieber conducted an interview with those who approached him and conducted large binders in which he wrote down many details about them, along with a list of their requirements in the matchmaking process," says Dr. Yael. "This created a huge database for him.
He had binders for women and men, and each and every client received a code consisting of numbers and letters, everything was neat and filed.
"Even though he was an excellent marketer, the business could not work without Brunia, who was considered the real eye for matchmaking. Customers sat in separate rooms for men and women, and Brunia would go from room to room saying 'Come you, come you'. They had another matchmaker, leading the potential couple "To the end of the street, where they stood and talked. When it succeeded, the couple often reached under the canopy."
How will the service be charged?
"Only if the matchmaking ended at the wedding - the matchmakers were required to pay Lieber. If the matchmaking did not work, they would not pay. By the way, there were cases where the matchmakers tried to evade payment, and it reached the courts."
Dr. Orit Yael, Photo: From the private album
According to Dr. Yael, the "modern" and secular audience of the time went through fascinating social processes, and the matchmaking ads in the newspapers reflected them beautifully.
"It happened because more and more people came to the country without any money or property, so the value of the dowry went down and they were required to 'sell' themselves in other ways. After all, since the 1940s, and even more so after the Holocaust, there is no longer a father and mother sending money, and the dowry is fading.
"In fact, it can be seen that the criteria for successful matchmaking have remained similar over the years, and only order has changed. In the 1930s the economic criterion was the main one - in presenting the dowry and source of livelihood - but also in the present. After creating the match the first question asked in the chat conversation is almost always 'What are you or are you doing in life?'
This question indicates an interest in earning capacity, cognitive ability, initiative and personal connections.
"Even in the 1930s, they knew that the image did not necessarily reflect the person as it is in reality, because appearance is a variable and flexible component, so they also sought a common denominator of interests. Thus, despite the centrality of appearance as an attractive factor "A combination of three components in choosing a relationship: an equal economic basis between the couple; mutual appreciation, friendship and common interests; and of course sexual attraction."
Following Lieber, more matchmakers emerged, and in the 1940s he even founded and headed a matchmaking organization in Eretz Israel, although the organization's activity was limited.
He continued to work as a matchmaker even in the first decades after the establishment of the state, so he also matched second-generation members who were sent to him on behalf of their parents who knew him.
He died in 1975.
• • •
Lieber was largely replaced by the so-called "matchmaker of the country" - Helena Amram.
Amram, who was born in 1949 in Kiryat Haim, began dating as a hobby in the late 1960s, when she married a couple to some of her friends who had lost their husbands during the Six Day War.
She soon opened an office called "Duo", with three branches in the country, and launched an extensive advertising campaign that included huge newspaper ads.
The campaign focused on her character and gave her the "High Priestess" aura of the field, the one that will bring salvation to all bachelors.
"The campaign was the first time that a matchmaking agency advertised its services in the style of a commercial company and presented matchmaking as a legitimate business," explains Prof. Oz Almog, a sociologist and historian who has been researching Israeli society and culture since the Yishuv period.
According to Prof. Almog, "Following Amram's appearance in the arena, the use of the terms 'single' and 'single' instead of 'single' and 'single' took root, and 'dating' instead of 'matchmaking'. Helena herself was careful not to call her business 'matchmaking office'. And called it the "Office of Coordination, Counseling and Guidance for Relationships."
The working methods led by Amram were also considered a novelty in the industry.
She tried to develop a more systematic format of filtering and connecting suitable spouses, which included, among other things, filling out a life history questionnaire and describing the ideal spouse in the eyes of clients.
To these were added a conversation with a psychologist or social worker, and an examination of the manuscript by a graphologist.
The data provided by the clients about themselves was checked by an investigation office, and candidates who were found to meet the required standards received a booklet from which they were allowed to choose the right partner for them.
The late Helena Amram. "Made singles single and singles dating", Photo: Coco
"Another innovation of Helena was 'strategic planning of the conquest of the target,'" explains Prof. Almog.
"She urged her clients to leave the circle of meetings, claiming that a dizzying run from date to date only erodes and undermines. She is a version that it is undesirable to set a blind date without knowing the exact details of the partner. The risk of frustration.
"Helena demanded that her clients plan their 'impression management' in advance, and prepare well for each date. For example, carefully choose the meeting place, do not talk in the first meeting only about yourself, and do not immediately mention personal shortcomings and distress."
Helena seems to have turned mostly to women.
"Her recommendations were usually given in the second person female. Helena's version, contrary to political correctness, that it is important to please the man's time - 'flatter his ego and give up your honor'. Maybe because she did not believe in feminism and maybe because she, like many, saw men Growers who need constant caress. "
A pretty chauvinistic view, bottom line.
"Helena's advice was characterized by a chauvinistic view, in the spirit of the time. It was mostly directed at women, perhaps because the rate of singles over the age of 35 was much higher than the number of singles in that age group. Another possible explanation is .
It is estimated that during her extensive career, Amram has successfully matched thousands of couples.
Later, after an investigation into her conduct was televised, she left the country for the United States and also made a name for herself in the field of matchmaking. In the 1990s, she returned to Israel and continued in the field of dating - also online. She died in 2020, at the age of 71.
• • •
In the 1980s, the broadcast media joined the celebration of matchmaking in Israel.
In 1983, Kol Yisrael aired the program "A Friend of the Same Star," edited and produced by Milka Lemden.
The program hosted in the studio men and women - usually educated - who wanted to meet couples.
The guests talked about themselves and their lives and talked on the phone with listeners to get in touch.
In three years of broadcasting, the program hosted 150 people, and eight dating ended in marriage.
A decade later, in 1992, Avri Gilad invented a light-hearted dating corner on Gali Tzahal, "The Hazvigonarium," as part of Gilad and Erez Tal's program "The World is Happy." Which Gilad submitted with Kobi Meidan.
The "Hazvigonarium" was conducted as a studio interview between Gilad and the subject of the dating, and also included a follow-up corner where couples who knew her were interviewed.
In a 1995 interview, Gilad referred to the show as "entertainment, not matchmaking," and discovered that within a year of its broadcast, the corner managed to bring about seven couples to the canopy.
He said women and men turned to the corner looking for "different types of relationships, from flirting to marriage."
The record was scrapped by a listener who described herself as "beautiful, piece, looking for as many flicks as possible."
Gilad claims that it was flooded with no less than 4,000 messages.
With the success of radio, the appetite of the television channels also arose.
The first was Rebecca Michaeli's program "Blind Date", which aired in 1996 on Channel 2 and required a single man or woman to choose a match from three potential candidates - and without seeing their faces.
The program was a success in ratings, but in its four years of broadcasting it brought only one pair to the canopy, perhaps because "most of the participants came to gain media exposure," as Prof. Almog explains.
In the following years, commercial television was filled with programs that deal with relationships and matchmaking, from the humorous "Double Date" hosted by Roi Levy and Dana Modan in 2002, to the reality show "Take Me Sharon" in 2003 and Levy and Modan's "Wedding Season" in 2009, to the format "The Bachelor" imported that year from abroad. About "Wedding at First Sight", which has been burning the screens for the past four years, everything has already been said.
And yet, despite the great technological advances in recent decades - and perhaps precisely because of it - the statistics show that over the years we have become more isolated.
According to CBS data published on Tu B'Av last year, the rate of single men among Jewish men aged 29-25 jumped from 28 percent at the end of 1970 to 63 percent at the end of 2019. The rate of single Jewish women of the same age jumped from 13 percent to 13 percent. - 48.
A similar trend is also evident in older ages.
The rate of single men among Jewish men aged 49-45 rose from three percent at the end of 1970 to 13 percent at the end of 2019, and the rate of single Jewish women of the same age rose in those years from 2 percent to 11 percent.
• • •
Today, in the age of apps that have contributed to the world of many pairings alongside painful scandals (as can be seen these days in the "Tinder crook" on Netflix), there are those who believe that the field of matchmaking and dating has actually receded, and its effect is bad and negative.
According to Prof. Almog, who co-authored with his wife Prof. Tamar Almog the book "Generation Y - as if there is no tomorrow" in which widespread reference to relationships in this generation, "apps like Tinder create a supermarket or amusement park of thrills and reinforce the 'pomo' feeling (FOMO - fear of missing out), the same restlessness and constant anxiety about missing something or someone better.
"In addition, the fact that it is no longer necessary to exert too much effort to reach a partner creates a kind of laziness and narcissism and flattens the relationship into a utilitarian and cynical place. The charm and sanctity previously attributed to the romantic relationship has dissipated.
Prof. Oz Almog, Photo: From the private album
"However," Almog surprises, "the dating and dating apps are currently in their chaotic and destructive state, but in my estimation they will actually grow into something good in the future. There are already many companies that create a personal profile of tastes, preferences, worldview and so on. The development of computer technology. Our avatar will be able to search across the network for different needs and in different degrees of depth, which will allow the creation of very deep common denominators, shorten dating processes and expand the range of possibilities. ".
• • •
Roni Sheinkman (29), a relationship coach, blogger and owner of the successful "Roni's Bachelors" project - who is trying to find the golden path between the world of digital and cold apps and the world of classic dating, is the one who is not waiting for the future, but continues today on the path outlined by Lieber and Amram. Which is conducted face to face.
Sheinkman, who participated in the "Bloggers" program, is married to Barak Ben Meir, owner of a document translation company, and the mother of a two-and-a-half-year-old baby.
"I've been writing about relationships and relationships since I was 14, and at one point I switched to Instagram and Facebook," she says.
"Three and a half years ago I started uploading my single friends to stories on my page, encouraging followers to approach them, meaning not to sit and wait for the prince on the white horse, but to produce for themselves their fantasy. I always did everything in a feminist spirit of female empowerment.
"The girls turned in droves and I just ran out of single friends because everyone got into a relationship. Next I told the girls 'recommend your friends', and so my Instagram became a matchmaking board. In 2020 I participated in a Channel 2 article, followed by a crazy wave of inquiries.
"So I started an Instagram page called 'Ronny Singles', where men and women go up, but unlike dating apps - it has a strict screening process. Every man who goes up, for example, must get a recommendation from someone who knows him, a relative, friend or colleague, not someone random .
"These messages are meant to protect other women in advance and give the men who come up to us a kind of 'we take responsibility' stamp. This female responsibility has been a guideline from the beginning, because unfortunately we have encountered cases of violence or harm only from men. Inappropriate to the point of mental or physical harm, so we choose to continue the guideline where women take responsibility for other women.
"We now have about 25,000 single men and women, and the turnover is of course great. Everyone commits to the same rules. For example: to respond to every message, even if the answer is no, to speak respectfully, to declare that they are for serious contact only and more. "And we have a personal relationship with everyone who comes up. I personally talk to everyone."
How is the project actually conducted?
"A guy or a girl goes up to a page, receives messages from another guy or girl - and from there they go on their own. In fact, it's a kind of card in a dating app, with photos, personal details, a video, a smashing sentence, etc."
Shinkman.
"Already 140 weddings", photo: from the private album
Simultaneously with the stand, Shinkman began producing, together with her good friend Ron Hai, who came from the field of productions and nightlife, also singles events, which take place between two and three times each month and are successful.
"In Corona we had a one-year break, because in March 2020 we had a big Purim party - and one of the bartenders caught up with everyone present," says Shinkman.
"Half a year ago we said life was back - and we were back with it.
"Each event is pre-registered, with up to 200 people arriving at a time. There is a gradual acquaintance process, which begins with mingling, continues with group activities and moves on to short dates of 7-5 minutes, up to six dates per participant. "In a fun and pleasant way, they are proving themselves. In the bottom line, we have a lot of success."
It does not feel a little meat market?
"I think in apps, where we slide left and right without sitting and talking to the person, it's much more of a meat market than getting to know someone and seeing if it suits me or not."
So you will not have a "Tinder crook"?
"We have a mother and a father. The 'Tinder crook' would not be able to reach even one girl. We are supervised, and those who behave badly, a man or a woman, receive warnings and are blocked."
According to Sheinkman, she has already been invited to 140 weddings that have blossomed in her venture, and "there are also five children born to couples we knew. There are thousands of other couples we call 'functioning', meaning we are together for more than three months. "The way, so I also hear and solve their problems in the relationship. I work at it 24/7, every day, all day."
shishabat@israelhayom.co.il
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