Yair Hess,
CEO of the Hillel Association, are dating in the question
. He studied social work and economics at the Hebrew University, taught mathematics and managed frameworks for youth and children at risk.
Yair Hess, you came out with a question, today you lead a secular lifestyle, but along the way you chose to repent twice. why?
"I grew up in Kiryat Moshe in Jerusalem, in a national ultra-Orthodox society. You can say that the process of repeating the question came to fruition because I didn't believe it. Even as a child I remember not being able to concentrate in prayer, and when I told the rabbi about it, he said that if I think the words - I mean them. It felt that They really tried to understand me.
"At the end of high school, I studied at the Seder Yeshiva and then enlisted in the Seder program, and I ended up in the Liaison Unit for Lebanon. In the army, I decided that I no longer wanted to be religious. When my father heard about it, he said that if this is the case - I have no reason to return home. I realized that if I did make the move This one - I won't have a place to sleep at night, because then it was difficult to get the status of a lone soldier under these circumstances, so I decided to 'repent', until the release."
Did your parents buy it?
"Probably not. I no longer felt at home either, and upon release I moved into a shared apartment. A year later, on the eve of Yom Kippur, my father informed me that I needed to repent, and when I refused, he said: 'I don't want anything to do with you anymore.'"
A difficult situation.
"I remember going out to the stairwell and burst into tears. Then began a break of about two years, until my mother got cancer. I realized that she was in the last period of her life and I didn't want to miss her. I told my family that I was repentant. The meetings with her, for two months, were amazing. After she passed away, I started to volunteer at Hillel, and today I'm even in good contact with the family."
You came to Hillel as a volunteer in 2006. Have the stories you come across changed over the years?
"At the time, the line between ultra-orthodox and secular society was thinner. Either you were outside or you were inside. Many people called us, left the house and arrived in black and white outfits, and that was it. A new life begins at that moment.
"Today, in order to prevent the phenomenon of going out on the question that has grown dramatically, ultra-Orthodox society offers young people many programs along the way: ultra-Orthodox Nahal frameworks, an ultra-Orthodox academy and employment frameworks.
The system works hard to keep you inside, and you can actually take off everything you do as an ultra-Orthodox, except for your clothes, and stay inside the system.
Today, people who turn to Hillel spend a long time preparing, so the age of joining Hillel has increased and stands at an average of 24-23."
"I recognize a crisis of faith"
So, on the one hand, there are more options in ultra-Orthodox society and they mature more slowly, while on the other hand - in the last year and a half, the number of members in Hillel has increased by about 50 percent. What is the explanation for this?
"One factor is related to the increase in the ultra-Orthodox population, and in particular the increase in the age group of 20-30. There is currently a population explosion in the age group between 10-20, and every year many more ultra-Orthodox reach the decade of 20-30. In addition, in order to answer the question you have to both not believe and Don't do well. The radicalization and silence regarding sexuality in ultra-Orthodox society leads to enormous ignorance and an increase in the rate of sexual vulnerability. This also affects the scope of coming out. There are women who married at a young age, experienced violence in the relationship, and decide to come out after the rabbis tried to convince them to stay in a violent relationship. Suddenly they Thinking about a new course and wondering what they think about this system. There is also structured violence in ultra-Orthodox society, for example in the Hasidic society in Mea Shearim - violence is a declared part of the education process.
"Furthermore, there is an increase in the percentage of those leaving the ultra-Orthodox society, which is partly associated with people who come from families who have returned to repentance, and this is in contrast to the ultra-Orthodox core who are careful to continue marrying each other. For the grandson or great-grandson of a Rebbe, for example, to go out on a date is a piece of history.
The pressure there is tremendous."
Do you also mean threats, violence?
"This is crazy psychological pressure. That is, the ultra-Orthodox who wants to come out with a question hears that generations upon generations in his family were kosher and innocent, and he is the first to break the tradition. It is destabilizing. Furthermore, he understands that by coming out he may destroy his family's marriages.
"In Hasidic society it's a matter of honor, and in Lithuanian society it's also a matter of money. Every family has a price tag. If a person wants to marry someone from a more respectable family, or who studied in a more serious yeshiva, one has to pay more in the chuppah. And if someone from your family comes out with a question, You might pay more to have them marry you. It's a lot of pressure and the mechanisms are crazy."
Do you mean the re-education camps abroad?
"Right.
There are yeshivas in France, in Cyprus, in England, in many places.
You are there in a kind of brainwashing, how can you really go anywhere to escape, and after two years you return directly to the roof."
The need for re-education camps is, among other things, a result of the Internet.
"The Internet is much more present in ultra-Orthodox society, and this increases the rates of exiting the question. The corona virus was also a shock in everything related to the Internet, because it was needed to communicate. But in my opinion, what is really scary on the Internet is not the porn, but Wikipedia. This is what really disrupts ultra-Orthodox preaching ".
What else did the corona virus do to the number of expats in the question?
"I recognize in ultra-Orthodox society a crisis of faith following the corona virus, and the large mortality rates that followed. Many ultra-Orthodox have doubts following the epidemic, and this is of course related to the increase in the number of those who come out with the question."
Disconnecting also has a meaning
What happens during the holidays among the expats? The family pressure is surely showing its signs.
"Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are a time of moral preaching, flooding with feelings of guilt and repentance. A great drama is created that includes a real fear of Judgment Day, and reaches its climax on Yom Kippur. After that, we go on the Sukkot holiday, return to our homes, and then winter time begins, when tensions calm down and people leave with a question The holiday season is not easy, which is why, among other things, we have the Hillel communities project throughout the country with the cooperation and funding of the Ministry of Welfare and Social Security. Our branches in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv are in contact with about 1,500 people each, and the branch in Haifa with about 400 people. Communities More were recently established in the Galilee and Be'er Sheva."
After leaving the question, are we still witnessing the phenomena of "seven" from the family?
"In most cases, this is an allegorical parable. We may see the tearing of a garment, perhaps a few hours of 'sitting' and sayings like 'You are dead for me,' but not a real seven. There are also parents who ignore their children, and this is the most painful story. One of the things that dramatically affects The mental state and abilities of the person leaving the question is how the disconnection from the family occurred. Some parents will indeed maintain contact outside the residential neighborhood, but the bottom line is that today we are in contact with more than 3,000 people leaving the question, as mentioned, of which at least 50 percent will not be with their parents on Rosh Hashanah ".
You have many volunteers for this.
"We have volunteers who are happy to offer hospitality on Rosh Hashanah, but asking is not a successful solution."
Why?
"Because for many, seeing a happy family doesn't ease the pain. What helps more is being with friends, going out with a question, who are facing difficulties similar to yours."
"No to the Halacha state"
As an example, you previously mentioned parents who would maintain contact with their children outside of the residential neighborhood. How simple is it for a single soldier to return to visit his neighborhood?
"Soldiers, for example, in many of the closed ultra-Orthodox neighborhoods will have to take off their uniforms before they get close to home. In some places there is wild incitement. Banners against ultra-Orthodox soldiers, the 'Haredik', are being hung.
They are described as pigs rummaging through the trash, some of them are actually anti-Semitic posters.
The rabbis are silent, and in this incitement an ultra-Orthodox child grows up."
This incitement also creates more "out trans" - those people who have lost their faith, but still live in ultra-Orthodox society and present an ultra-Orthodox appearance?
"In my estimation, there are tens of thousands who live within ultra-Orthodox society, do what is necessary on the outside, but do not believe. They live in a lie. The fear of coming out is great and the walls are very high, and part of the effort is to prove that people who come out with a question do not succeed. This is also why it is forbidden to read newspapers in ultra-Orthodox society Secular, because that's where you can find the stories about the people who came out with the question and succeeded.
"In the ultra-Orthodox media it is forbidden to write 'Amatot Hillel'. When I participated in the Knesset debates on the kosher telephone issue - in Hamodi they wrote that the head of the Shamed organization came to speak. Usually we are called the 'Ket Hillel', and there are whole legends about what the members of the 'sect' will do to get a person out from ultra-Orthodox society. There are even warnings not to get on secular hitchhiking, because the drivers may be from the 'Hillel sect'. But in the places where we are active, every ultra-orthodox boy knows about us."
It sounds, as you said, that the walls in ultra-Orthodox society are high and that integration is difficult. Just earlier this year, a report by the Ministry of Welfare and Social Security was published, according to which those who leave in question face many risk factors, such as loneliness, lack of education and family background, and other social and personal risks. What can be done to help them?
"Going out on a quest is the hero's journey. I remember when I was a child I argued with my friends in Talmud Torah about whether Tel Aviv is outside the city or outside the country. So the differences are large, and this results in the fact that among those who go on the quest there is a high rate of loneliness, which also leads to depression and suicidal thoughts, because people are busy in questions concerning the essence of life and its value. They also grew up in an atmosphere where life has no value without observance of mitzvot. By the way, in relation to the proportion reporting depression and suicidal thoughts - the percentage of suicides is relatively low. We deal with suicide, but happily in the vast majority of cases our concern is with people who choose life I think that unlike ultra-orthodox society, we talk about the issue of suicides so that people know they can come and talk about their feelings.
"As for the methods of assistance, our community centers are an address for this, and from there we refer to appropriate parties. We are now establishing an array of Hillel homes based on our graduates. Any of our graduates who lives in Ashdod, for example, or anywhere else where there is no Hillel community center, can To establish a Hillel house from his home, to host those who leave the area and maintain contact with them in the area where he lives. In addition, the answer to loneliness is through 1,200 Hillel volunteers, who are everywhere in Israel, and this alongside a supportive and helpful community."
In conclusion, I have to ask you: don't you feel that in your position you are doing a certain injustice to the Jewish religion, to the traditions of the State of Israel? In fact, by the exodus of these Jews, we are losing part of the traditional, spiritual and religious basis of the people of Israel.
"Quote me please: I think there is nothing spiritual in ultra-Orthodox Judaism. The obsessive preoccupation with ritual techniques is the least spiritual thing that can be. The real Jewish world, the real Jewish spirituality, is found in traditional Judaism, in secular Judaism, not in ultra-Orthodox Judaism.
"The endless obsession with details of clothing, is Judaism? It's sad to think so. There is nothing Jewish about saying 'I will not work and provide for my children.' , I don't feel that I'm doing anything less Jewish than any other ultra-Orthodox person. As a Jew, I don't think it's necessary to read the law books written 2,500 years ago and follow them. I think it's not a Jewish thing."
Is anyone listening to your thesis? Just this week we witnessed the storm surrounding the core studies for the ultra-Orthodox, centered on the decision that educational institutions that do not teach core subjects will be funded by the state.
"The Rebbe of Belez wanted his followers to learn arithmetic and English in the Torah Talmud, because he knows that many of them work and will work in the future.
He also knows that in the new world of work, without arithmetic and English they have no chance.
So the Rebbe wants and the followers want.
Who ruined it this week?
The politicians.
The politicians need the helpless Haredi public.
As you can see from the Shas campaign, the ultra-orthodox politicians profit the most when their voters are hungry.
"True Judaism is not to build a halachic state here. Personally, I am full of wonder when I study physics, biology, mathematics. I do not understand how it is possible to prevent children from seeing the images produced by NASA's new space telescope.
These are universal and wonderful values, not only Jewish, and as far as I'm concerned - blocking people from seeing them, from seeing the world, is simply a disaster and it's not Jewish."
For suggestions and comments: Ranp@israelhayom.co.il
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