This Friday is the international day of the fight to prevent violence against women, and the next day international organizations will mark the day of the fight against economic violence.
This year, the Ruach Nashit association, which helps women get out of the cycle of economic violence, will also join the coalition of organizations.
Siegel, Anat and Noa, whose stories are spread out in these pages, noticed the early signs but were ashamed ("You are in a place of getting stronger and closer," said one of them) or were afraid of facing their predicament - but finally managed to get out of it and start a new path.
To request assistance, you can contact Noamat and associations such as "Ruch Neshit", "LA for violence" and "Bat Melech", or call the assistance center of the Ministry of Welfare and Social Security at 118.
"Then I realized something was wrong with me"
Anat, 42 years old and mother of three children, lives in Tel Aviv and is remarried.
Her childhood and the difficult circumstances of her life led her to marry at the age of 16, but the marriage was short and the two divorced.
"I went through sexual violence as a child, and I just wanted to run away from home," she says.
"I gave birth to a baby girl, and a few months later I gave her up for adoption. Today we are in touch, and I love her very much."
About the relationship in which she lived under financial violence, she says: "We kept separate accounts, and I had no idea what was going on on the other side. I didn't know what he was holding, and that's the problem, because when I run out and need more for the house - I have no where to go. It's asking for money All the time, even though we run a joint household and live together. The income is supposedly shared - but it doesn't come to me."
Anat Rashani tells about the economic violence she experienced in her life // Photo: Shmuel Buchris
Anat worked and her salary went into her account, but according to her there was no balance.
She paid the household expenses, he did not contribute his share.
Every time the subject came up, they would get into an argument, and his answer was: "I manage the account by myself."
"I knew roughly how much he earned, but I didn't know what was going on in his account. I was afraid to check, I was afraid to deal with it. You are in a place of getting rich, getting closer. When I would ask, the response was: 'No need, I know and understand better than you.' Makes you smaller, and as someone who has been through violence, I was in a very low place and I said to myself: 'Maybe he really understands better than me,' but that is clearly not true."
Anat realized that she was not in an equal relationship when she saw people around her who behaved differently.
"You see a woman who has control over her life, who is able to manage her account, and then you realize that something is wrong with you, that you are in a place where they are hiding from you, that you are not allowed access. When the token falls, there is no way back."
She hid her condition from her surroundings.
"Ashamed to be judged, to be told, 'This strong girl, who does everything, can't manage her account?'. Little by little, I learned to get help from people around me, to understand that I was in a place that I was not aware of. In 'Female Spirit' I learned to understand where I am On the scale, because economic violence has several levels, and I raised myself."
Anat.
paid the house expenses, he did not contribute his share., Photo: Shmuel Buchris
It was not easy for her to decide to break up the relationship.
"Many times you prefer to keep things under the surface, so that emotions don't arise. But I didn't want to continue being a danger, and I decided to take responsibility for my life."
To the government and Knesset members she says: "It is important to promote the law - it is at the level of saving lives. A woman who is in a situation of economic violence, in the next stage it is other types of violence. It is only a spark, and later on we will see her picture on the TV screen. We must make a change."
"I was like a marionette being pulled on strings"
For Siegel (pseudonym), a mother of five children from the south of Israel, it is not easy to reveal her life story, but it is important to her that other women read and recognize themselves in a similar situation.
She grew up in a very conservative home, to parents who worked hard.
"I raised myself. I was the good girl and it was important to me to please them," says Siegel.
The beautiful girl grew into a beautiful and beautiful woman, and at the age of 20 she met the man who became her husband.
"I knew he wasn't someone I could rely on, but I wanted to be loved. I didn't think I deserved more."
Siegel says that her husband treated her in a humiliating manner.
"I stayed with him because that's what I knew. I was constantly excusing his behavior."
Throughout their relationship, she worked, managed businesses, volunteered in the community and helped women and families.
"In the first years, there was physical violence. If he didn't like something, he slapped me. He had relationships with other women and said I was crazy. He constantly humiliated me. On the outside, he radiated something different, admired by everyone. Really two people Various".
Segal, Anat and Noa noticed the early signs but were ashamed.
Illustration, photo: GettyImages
The violence lessened as the children grew up, but the humiliation and humiliation continued.
"We lived financially well. We managed a joint account into which my salary went, and he would only pay as much as was necessary. If we had a fight, he would not put money in. Nothing was in my name, and I was not allowed to ask what he was doing with the money. If I asked, The responses were, 'Who are you to ask?' I was like a marionette being pulled on strings."
According to her, her husband spent money without consulting her, signed her on forms without allowing her to read them, knocks on the door from the executor were commonplace.
They were married for almost 30 years.
"I had no financial back. I was dependent on him. I couldn't look at myself, until one day I decided I was leaving."
It was not simple.
He fought it legally, applied sanctions.
The joint property was not in her name and he left her with debts.
"I read about a 'female spirit' in the newspaper and decided to get in touch."
With the help of the association, she learned to regain control of her life.
"I finally felt like I wasn't alone and that I could make my voice heard," Siegel says.
"I was afraid to live in my own house"
Noa (pseudonym) is already 50 years old, and even years after her divorce she is still in a legal battle with the divorcee.
"I was married for many years to a normative man," she says, "in retrospect I discovered that he waited many years for my parents to pass away. He was waiting for an inheritance."
According to her, "All these years he conducted himself in an exemplary manner, without any financial restrictions. Only one thing - he took care of all financial matters. I also worked, but he had control over the money. I did not know what was going on in the account, and if I had asked, he would have avoided it, but not in the way which aroused my suspicion. He said I didn't understand it and that I would leave things to his care."
When her parents died, Noa inherited a large sum of money - and he took it over.
"He spent all the money and got us into debt. I didn't know anything, but when the money ran out he panicked that I would find out, and then he changed. Violence began. First of all mentally. He tried to damage my credibility so I couldn't complain about him, and portrayed me as crazy. He told my family, children, and friends that I had gone crazy. At the same time, he tried to abuse me in every way. I felt useless. I began to fear living in my own home. He reigned terror, emptied the bedroom, removed all my albums, professional certificates, all my belongings and memories," says Noa. .
They were afraid of dealing with their plight.
Illustration, photo: GettyImages
After that day she decided to leave, contacted the help center of the "LA Violence" association, which helped her rent an apartment and provide living equipment.
"I was left with nothing. He wanted me to kill myself, to disappear, but that didn't happen and the association helped me."
To this day, she repays debts accumulated from the days of her marriage, amounting to half a million shekels.
"He hangs in the execution and returns nothing."
To women, she wants to say: "Financial independence is not just about making money. You need to manage it and know what's going on with it."
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