Litigation, Bulimia and a Near Death Experience: Kesha's Eternal Return

In 2014, singer Kesha (Los Angeles, 36 years old) filed a lawsuit accusing her producer, Dr. Luke, whose real name is Lukasz Sebastian Gottwald, of rape and emotional manipulation, whom she also accused of having forced her to use drugs and having caused bulimia nervosa. Then Kesha had a contract that linked her musically with the record label Kemosabe Records, belonging to the Sony label and whose founder is Dr. Luke, to record with them the next six albums signed in their agreement. The Californian artist lost that legal battle, being professionally linked to Dr. Luke in her future projects. Almost 10 years later, many fronts are still open: now it is he who sues her for defamation in a trial that is scheduled for next July.

A few weeks before the trial begins, the singer released in May her new album (from which Dr. Luke benefits), entitled Gag Order (in Spanish), a legal term that refers to the prohibition of a judge to speak in public about a pending criminal process: "I have had this implicit and self-imposed gag order for as long as I can remember, because I'm still in litigation," the singer confessed in a recent interview with the American magazine Self, where she talks about her new return to the world of music and the various health complications she has had in recent years.

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The year 2014 was not only the year in which his legal battle began, it was also the year in which he entered a center to treat his eating disorders. "I came to a point in my disorder where my anxiety was so high that I stopped being functional. That took up the whole space of my head, from morning to night. I was obsessed with how I looked, what to eat, clothing sizes and everyone's approval," the singer confesses. In her lawsuit that year, the singer claimed that Dr. Luke "cruelly and incessantly criticized" her weight, and submitted a series of emails in which her producer recommended that she control her diet, alleging that there were producers and lyricists who refused to work with her because of her weight.

Singer Kesha on her way out of New York Supreme Court, after losing her lawsuit against producer Dr. Luke, on February 19, 2016. Alo Ceballos (GC Images)

"I have a group of therapists that I can talk to weekly or monthly," the artist explains in the interview, where she talks about her bulimia recovery process. Kesha also acknowledges that she is now enjoying food for the first time: "I love food, I have started cooking and going to the market." When he is on tour, he also maintains a food routine due to his illness: "I always stop to eat, because being in treatment, I need to sit down to eat."

Kesha became known worldwide thanks to her debut single, titled Tik Tok and which came out in 2009, belonging to her album Animal. The singer was presented to the world as a wild, crazy and partying woman: "Maybe I need rehabilitation or maybe I just need sleep", was the first phrase that was heard when playing the album. In the music video of his first hit, he woke up in a bathtub with his mascara running and his hair in turmoil, brushed his teeth with whiskey, put on his shoes and went on a spree. For many years, she maintained that image that others had molded to turn her into a pop artifact, however, her life is far from that of the girl who sang that she brushed her teeth with Jack Daniels: "I have 30 minutes before going on stage in which I dedicate myself to meditate, stretch and do breathing exercises. People probably think I'm taking shots, and I'm actually doing the most zen shit possible."

The singer, who for having been so many years in the media spotlight prefers not to talk too much about her personal life (in the interview she does not want to say the name of her boyfriend or talk about her relationship to protect him), has decided to open up about a recent health problem: "I almost died in January," she confessed. In 2022, Kesha was diagnosed with common variable immunodeficiency (CVID), a primary immunodeficiency that can lead to multiple lung infections, systemic bacterial infections, and gastrointestinal complications. Last year, she also underwent egg freezing treatment. At the end of the year, after performing in the Bahamas, he discovered that he didn't even have the strength to walk. She went to the hospital, where doctors discovered she had developed a rare, though quite serious, complication due to fertility treatment, which they attributed to her weakened immune system. She was in a hospital for nine days: "Now I feel recovered, but it took me a couple of months. It was horrible," says the singer.

Kesha at an event in London in her debut year in 2009.Antony Jones (UK Press via Getty Images)

Since her litigation against Dr. Luke began, Kesha has released three albums: Rainbow, in 2017; High Road, in 2020; and, now, Gag Order. The singer never wanted to leave music, but sought to do it on her own terms: "I think I've given birth to the most intimate thing I've ever created," she also said about her new album in an interview with Rolling Stone. "I've dived into my ugliest emotions and the parts of me that are less fun. Being vulnerable is very scary. The fact that we have gathered a complete record of all these emotions (of anger, of insecurity, of anxiety, of grief, of pain, of regret), is stressful... But he's also healing."