The first test I ever took was an arithmetic test at the beginning of second grade. I still experienced the difficulties of absorption as an immigrant, both emotionally and academically, I still didn't really feel connected – and maybe everything I wrote in the previous sentence was an excuse or an attempt to hide the shame of my grade of 50.
When the teacher handed out the test and the numbers 5 and 0 were placed side by side with a circle around them, I felt no shame. In fact, I felt proud. It felt like I had managed to answer half the questions correctly, which seemed like a lot at the time. I had no source of comparison, and I didn't know what considered a good grade. I held the checkered paper in my hand for the entire bus ride home and looked forward to the moment when I would show Mom the honorable achievement. I opened the door, went to the kitchen, and I vividly remember the look when she saw the score. "That's good, isn't it?" I asked her, "Half is a lot!" She pursed her lips, said we'd talk when Dad arrived, and placed the checkered paper on the dresser at the entrance.
Collective trauma
The day of graduation at the school is remembered by some of us as a stressful and traumatic event. No student or parent is indifferent to the event, and too many children experience an emotional rollercoaster when handed over. The reason for this stress is that we have been taught that grades reflect how successful or unsuccessful we are.
This week, high school and middle school students finished the school year, as did our daughters, Sheila and Arbel, along with them. I won't deny it, I love reading their certificates. They are achieving impressive achievements, but the reason I look forward to meeting their diploma is because it reflects the path they have taken throughout the year, not just the final grade. In fact, the grade is a very small part of the certificate.
What a monstrosity
Sheila and Arbel attend an anthroposophical school, and here I feel the need to apologize so you don't call me a monster. For some reason, in Israel there is a tendency to regard non-mainstream education as arrogant or elitist, with the (justified) reason for this attitude being that it is more expensive. The policy of the Ministry of Education and its municipal departments does not encourage schools with diverse approaches, while in other countries diversity is a natural part of the education system. In my opinion, there should be an interest in creating a society in which there are forms of thought that can violate each other, rather than identical stencils that create developmental degeneration. But it's probably just me...
Parents who want a slightly different education are required to pay for it, so unfortunately in Israel it becomes education for the rich only, or for the middle class that chooses to invest in education and give up buying an apartment, going on vacation or saving for the future. A lot of parents in our school are in this group.
Did we choose this path of education because I am a firm believer in the philosophy of Rudolf Steiner, the founder of the Waldorf theory from which anthroposophy emerged? Not. I chose it because of what it is not: there are no tests and grades until sixth grade, there is a certificate in which every teacher writes an assessment about the child by addressing him directly and never in the third person. I chose Waldorf education instead of a financial savings plan because I wanted my daughters to continue to be girls for a few more years, not just a cog measured by score. More than I was looking for a framework that would give them knowledge, I was looking for one that would not interfere with their imagination and creativity, that would allow them to maintain free and independent thinking and curiosity.
How much did you get in emotional intelligence?
I believe it is incumbent upon every parent to doubt. Ask questions before entrusting his children to a demanding system that demands an emotional toll on them, a system to which they devote most of their time and energy. Have you asked yourself why children aren't assessed for their progress in developing life skills?
Why doesn't the conventional certificate include an assessment of skills such as critical thinking, interpersonal communication, creativity and emotional intelligence? After all, these are the areas that all research proves to be the most important ingredients for success and satisfaction.
Failed in education
The education system, as it is today, causes self-esteem to be overly conditioned on academic success. A low math score can instill in a child a belief that she is bad at numbers for life, a poor grade in art can cause a child to avoid drawing, despite his love for it.
Naama, my daughters' genius math teacher, who graduated with honors, always tells how a teacher who didn't appreciate her because of one grade made her stay away from math, until the teacher was replaced, and thanks to the new teacher, who saw not only grades but also the charming girl behind them, she blossomed into a wonderful mathematician.
Zion doesn't define wisdom or talent, certainly not value – but in a world looking for shortcuts and external statuses, we tend to forget that. Grades are a useful tool for tracking progress, but education systems have made them predictive and completely neglected other areas of life.
There are schools that, in the name of the competition for a prestigious name, become "factories for grades," and do not notice that by doing so they receive a failing grade as an educational institution.
Trust yourself
Before receiving certificates at Shiloh and Arbel's school, each student is asked to fill out a self-assessment sheet. He writes about how he progressed this year, what he would like to improve, what he enjoyed learning and what he didn't, and what areas to strengthen and improve. The teachers read what each student wrote about himself and respond, and the certificate contains first of all what the student testifies to himself - and only then the teachers' assessment.
To me, it's a wonderful way to raise people who are connected to their inner experience, who trust their feelings. Precisely in an era in which the popular perception is that the more I call children "princes" and "princesses" the more confident they will be, precisely today, when many parents buy their children brands or gadgets that they cannot afford just so as not to harm self-confidence - perhaps even more important is the reminder that no object will give a person confidence. The only way to gain self-worth is through guidance on how to trust ourselves, not just what we achieve.
To succeed and be happy?
Academic achievement and personal well-being are not mutually exclusive, on the contrary. In Finland, for example, where education is considered the highest quality in the world, it was understood that education is not just memorizing facts and answering questions on a test, but cultivating life skills such as critical thinking, emotional intelligence, financial thinking and environmental awareness. For all this, students are evaluated at school.
Finns have adopted an approach that prioritizes comprehensive assessments that consider a child's progress over time, rather than relying solely on standardized tests. Studies have shown that people with strong social and emotional skills, in addition to academic ability, tend to experience higher levels of well-being, success, and satisfaction in their personal and professional lives.
The way our children's achievements are measured in school must evolve and change. Scores alone cannot capture the multifaceted nature of human growth and potential. I don't know if there are still parents who punish their children for grading too low, but I do know that I have never met a professionally successful or satisfied person who testified that his secret to happiness is the excessively high expectations of those around him, or the fact that he and his skills were criticized when he did not meet them.
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