His name was Nissan. She was called me.
They owned a falafel stand in the neighborhood, right next to the yeshiva. And I, who even then enjoyed food other than the pepper stuffed with tart rice they served at the yeshiva, was there almost every day. Since then I can't forget this couple. Not because of the medium and greasy falafel they sold and not because of the exciting moments of entertainment in their drab stall, but because of another sad matter related to them, namely the terrible attitude of the rude husband towards his wife, who would suffer and accept submissively.
He was irritable, grumpy, rude and blunt and had a constant countenance of subdued rage. Because he served the customers at the front and she cooked in the kitchen at the back, he was constantly anxious to receive fresh goods and would constantly scold her, loudly: "Salad! Salad I said! What about pickles?! Bring pills!" and whenever he made such a remark out loud to the kitchen, he would turn his body back against the customers and quietly filter out one word that kept repeating over and over again: "Stupid." "What a moron." Sometimes he would go on and whisper to himself, as a mantra: Stupid.
What a moron. I was focused on his terrible figure and really following his lips, which were constantly moving as if in prayer and repeating this repulsive incantation. Etty was not the symbol of wisdom in the world. It wasn't, let's say, the most complete pita in the crate, nor was it the thickest tahini in the container. But she was ten times wiser and more pleasant than the Golem who married her, and since then has abused and degraded her. I would look at her with great pity. Once I got into a conversation with him and said, "What is Nissan? That's not how you talk about your wife." He reacted like someone caught in his misery, blushed with shame and said, "Give, let work," and whispered again.
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It's been many years since then, and I can't forget this couple. This happens to me every time I'm about to utter a derogatory nickname, and usually after it's already been uttered. Not in some purist remorse, but in some mindfulness that has with it a warning not to fall into this pit and start whispering. I often use nicknames and adjectives, almost unable to do without them, and the above passage will attest. Look at it and count the negative adjectives that appear in it and you will find satisfaction. What exactly is this thing?
Minister Galit Distal Atabrian was quoted this week as calling Minister Gila Gamliel a derogatory term. With your permission, I will skip for a moment the substantive discussion surrounding the event so as not to take part in Minister Distel's monthly crucifixion party by her opponents. A loud quarrel at a cabinet meeting is not aesthetic, and it's a shame that the wise Galit, towering a few floors above her fellow politicians, was pushed into this corner, but let's put that aside for a moment. I must, simply must, talk about an important issue that arises from the issue, which is: derogatory epithets - yes or no. Say: What's the question? Of course not. Who thinks it's appropriate to use ugly epithets against others? And what about the purity of language? And what about the cleanliness of the bush? For this purpose, the eternal line was invented in our home: "Don't tell Mom annoying even when she's annoying!" Still, let's talk about that for a moment.
There is one man in our family who has developed a habit for himself: whenever someone uses a derogatory nickname, he comments to him. Gently, but consistently. It can be any nickname - from the basic and frequent to the rare and sophisticated. "Forget derogatory epithets," he says, let alone within the family. Derogatory epithets are unacceptable." And when he says that, I look at him and say: You're so right, you snooze.
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Because the truth is this: a derogatory term has a role. And the fact that there are so many derogatory epithets, many of which are substitutes for the basic word "stupid," further proves their necessity. Run through Rubik Rosenthal's comprehensive slang dictionary and you'll see comfort. Hundreds of words are imported from the countless languages that influence Israeli jargon, and all of them are derogatory epithets. And what creativity! What cultural richness! Is there another beauty in the world like the elderly "Postma" (from Ladino)? Is there any other way in the world to describe Putz without using this word itself (Yiddish, the source is crude)? This week I found myself using the linguistic wonder "Hanbetz" (unsourced, probably one of the developments of "Hanbetz").
Do you think I'm going to give it up because of some vague need for world peace or brotherhood? And what about fucked up and idiot and madrov and erased and scratched and crushed and cults? And in first place, of course: "Stupid"! The good old, what we are without at all.
A derogatory term is a drain opening. Unlike the verbal assault itself, which is an empowering expression of hateful feelings, a derogatory term comes to drain a large amount of hatred through labeling, usually exaggerated ("Crazy!", "You trash!"), thereby reducing the intensity of hatred. It is commonly thought that a derogatory word is more offensive than a reasoned argument, however blunt, because it "labels." Eliminates the opponent and puts him into a definition. This may be true, but actually when the detractor chooses to skip the long argument and dismiss the matter as a derogatory term, he concentrates a large amount of hostility into one small capsule and thus frees himself from a large baggage. Not that it's positive, God forbid. In a perfectly civilized world, we will all talk only colorful flowers and butterflies. But when dealing with derogatory words, we deal with the end of the phenomenon and precisely with its positive end. The one who came to heal.
This is some kind of sophisticated mechanism that comes to manage and control the rage, and not the other way around (by the way, this is also true for curses. The crudest and most terrible line in Hebrew is probably "a teenager who rebels to your shame and your mother's pubic shame", but if a fan plays it in the middle of the game in the eastern stand, they will not arrest him but sign him immediately for participating in the Bible quiz for adults. On the other hand, if he shouts *********** or some other asterisk syntax - they will talk about the dirty language of Beitar fans).
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Therefore, the derogatory epithets will probably remain here forever. Of course, they must be sorted and controlled, and made sure that they are as inclusive and exaggerated as possible and far from the truth, and not particular and pointed. Of course, it is better to call a fool a "serial killer" than a "fool." It would be much less insulting. But in general, it is less possible to faint and to distinguish, even on this issue, between the main and the treated.
We will return to Nissan and Etty (pseudonyms). What did Nissan do with his ugly "mitoid, what an idiot"? He drained. Drained and drained and drained. Nissan didn't think Etty was stupid. He was just filled to the brim with feelings of uncontrollable rage, and drained him. Because it was an enormous amount of rage, it drained more and more. And it's not over. It's not over. Then he drained again and again drained. And now that I think about it? He was a piece of filth. That's exactly what he was.
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