I take a deep breath, because I'm a little tired of men trying to "educate" women on how to fight for their rights, how to express their anger and pain. Why am I tired of this? Because you just have no idea, beloved men, what it means to be a woman and want to stand up for yourself or express frustration.
As a woman, you take the risk of being called, controlling, overly dominant and even a witch or "feminist," when the exact same behavior in a man won't arouse any conversation or attention at all. Why? Because he is considered simply "to be a man", leading, imbued with purpose, focused. He might be called a professional or an achiever.
Call yourself a feminist or not, it doesn't matter, you can't ignore the fact that a man doesn't experience a fifth of the difficulties a woman goes through when she wants to express anger in space. So when a man wants to teach a woman how to be angry, the irony is immensely great—with and without anything to do with Eric Berman and his comments about how women should protest sexual violence, rape and harassment, or his apology the next day. Lovely on his part. By the way, in an apology, Berman wrote "sorry if anyone was hurt" rather than "sorry I hurt." Apology wording is a fascinating topic that deserves its own column.
Uncomfortable, not terrible
Women's cries of pain in the wake of the Mi-To movement have trapped centuries of pent-up frustration. A pain that generations of women could not express. It is quite possible that this frustration, which has raised mold and been buried in dark cellars, will burn the delicate ears of some listeners. I don't think it's that bad. So it won't feel accurate to all the Eric bartenders of the world. Big deal. Don't you understand, I'm in favor of listening to advice, on any subject, even on the desired and correct way to protest. But not advice that begins with the words, "This feels inaccurate to me," or "I'd like something more inclusive and embracing."
Shall we smile more when we talk about the boss who stroked our backs in the coffee corner? Shall we use a softer tone when a girl talks about the commander in the army who pushed her to the table and stuffed his hands into her panties? Is that your advice? Because it's uncomfortable to hear? Oh okay, so what.
Not just harassment
The Mi-To movement is much larger and broader than the exposure and treatment of sexual violence. It signals to the world that we want to walk down the street without fear, to decide for ourselves whether the pregnancy in our body is desirable for us or not, to have the equal ability of men to decide whether to divorce or stay married.
But none of this is happening yet, and we're really uncomfortable that it's not happening, so it's hard for us to embrace and contain ourselves all the time in this situation. We struggle, fight and succeed, in a tremendous effort, to create small changes, little by little. If this is not "pleasant" enough for someone, perhaps he should ask himself why. It's a bit like parents who find it hard to see their child cry not because they are in pain for his suffering at that moment, but simply because the sound of crying is deafening and not fun to listen to.
Mi-To does not seek to destroy men's lives or create a culture of fear and mistrust, but to dismantle the structures that perpetuate harassment and assault, hold people accountable for their actions and foster safer environments for all, Photo: GettyImages
Harassment "in a small way"
One of the points that personally influenced me with the awakening of the Mi-To movement is also the spotlight on the small daily harassment, the ones that used to be swept under the rug as if nothing. The man in the workplace who gets too close to you every time he talks to you, the colleague who rubs a little "accidentally" every time he passes you, the boomer uncle who criticizes your cousin's bare clothing in the family forum, in her face, and no one comments on it. Now they're a little more afraid to do so – and rightly so.
Thanks to Mi-Tu, articles began to appear in the media about the rating lists that boys make about the external appearance of their classmates. Finally, such phenomena, which until a few years ago were treated with the forgiving attitude of "Come on, boys, what can we expect from them?", are beginning to receive the serious treatment they deserve, because they are the seeds of sexual violence, even the most serious. Remember when the guys on base in the army thought it was okay to rate the girls on base on a scale of 1 to 10? So slowly the understanding that women are human beings, not numbers, is trickling in, that's how you create change.
Culture is changing, people. Women stand up and say, "We won't tolerate this 'small' harassment anymore," and the world is finally listening. Mi-To is not just a hashtag, it is the nucleus of change in reality.
Constructive criticism, destructive criticism
I went into social media posts on the subject and checked the most popular reviews of Mi-To. In first place, without a doubt, is the claim that this is a movement whose goal is to ruin men's lives without due process of law. A witch hunt of radical feminists. Quite a few lament the tarnishing and destruction of the reputations of men who hold senior positions. It is true that it is very important to follow due process regarding legal claims, but at the same time it is important to remember that part of Mi-To's role is to provide a voice for victims who have also been silenced by the court.
One example that will shock you is the fact that until recently there was no law that could criminalize a man for raping his legal wife (!) In addition, there were no regulated laws on sexual harassment in the workplace. Thanks to Mi-Tu, women are finally daring to talk about what they've been through, share their experiences, and challenge the culture of silence surrounding sexual harassment and assault.
Some critics often dismiss Mi-To, calling it a passing trend on social media. This argument ignores the profound cultural change brought about by the movement. It has opened public debates on the concept of consent and brought about far-reaching changes in the prevention of sexual harassment in the workplace, such as implementing strict policies, training programs and raising awareness.
Some like to resort to isolated cases of false accusations, such as Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, to argue that the movement is full of false cases.
I certainly believe that false accusations should be taken seriously, but studies consistently show that false reports are very low, less than in other crimes. No one thinks we should stop fighting crime in general because sometimes there are false cases, right? Focusing on a few isolated incidents undermines the credibility and significance of the countless legitimate stories uncovered by Mi-Tu.
Disassemble to build
Critics often focus on isolated incidents, or misunderstand Mi-Tu's intentions and fail to see the major systemic problems it addresses.
The Mi-To movement does not seek to destroy men's lives or create a culture of fear and mistrust, but to dismantle the structures that perpetuate harassment and assault, hold people accountable for their actions, and foster safer environments for all.
Kapish, Eric?
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