1. Realize that even what is "on the road" takes time: you need to go to work. To get there on time you have to leave now, but you're standing right next to the washing machine that just finished and the laundry rack is right next to you! And we know that what takes most of the time is... Walk? And that if you hang up laundry really fast then it's... Doesn't take time at all? My partner claims that I live under the impression that the laws of physics do not apply to me. He must understand that it's not that they don't apply to me, they just apply by me (see also "Even if it doesn't taste good, it still has calories" and "Even if you need it, it still costs money").
2. And on the same matter, don't buy anything anymore: I saw a TikTok a few days ago of someone who decided to take herself into her own hands, do a Marie Kondo and get rid of a lot of things she doesn't need. In a mesmerizing video, she goes through all the drawers she has of dolls that are keychains, and shares her decision-making process with the stunned viewer. After a brave journey into the depths of her soul, she decides to get rid of two dolls and leave all the other 147. I remembered that at the age of 27 I bought an overly tight gray T-shirt dress with a Mickey Mouse painting with nits, which cost 1,700 shekels. Of course I never wore it. After all, I didn't lose my mind!
Oh, capitalism, it will kill us all and then bury us in a coffin with a Mickey Mouse painting with nits. A kibbutz member wrote a few days ago on Instagram that the best thing about growing up on a kibbutz is that it immunizes you forever against capitalism. So I admit that a vaccine against capitalism sounds a bit extreme to me, but I'd love some spray or something, if possible on a natural basis. Oh what a beauty, here I got an advertisement for this and there are two in a hundred.
3. Stop disturbing: They don't want to go to class, they don't want to go to a play, they don't want to eat, they don't want to make a piece, they don't want you to read them a story, they want to pour soap on the floor on the balcony and do a "belly surf". A smarter woman would go for coffee and scroll through Twitter until she lost the will to live (on Twitter it doesn't take long). Further to the previous section, you do need to buy more soap (see also "Stop buying them toys, in the end they play with a cork").
4. Do more sports:Because I have reached a stage where if I do not move enough my joints, they make the sound of a door opening. And I even found a great Pilates teacher who teaches right next door to my house, and it's only more convenient if she came to me and moved my legs herself. And she's very invested! She texts me every Saturday to ask when I'm coming this week, and then texts me again after I rush to ask why I didn't come. All this unnecessary human communication could have been avoided if only I had gone to Pilates more! I tried to convince my partner to join too, and he actually came once and got angry because it was too hard and where he was supposed to know what "calves" are.
5. Spend more time with your partner:And it is important for me to emphasize, it must be when we are both awake! At home, we fall asleep or jump on our heads. Our favorite pastime is undoubtedly watching movies suitable for 14-year-olds, the thing is that we also fall asleep in the cinema. So there will probably be no choice but to do the fifth most fun thing I hate, which is to go to a restaurant. Just from the thought I get goosebumps.
If I liked too little food, talking screaming, strangers sitting right next to me, and music probably written by artificial intelligence, then I would... Love restaurants, I guess? If the restaurant is in Tel Aviv, you also have to work at being cool enough in the eyes of the waiter, which is very tiring because then I can't order Coke Zero next to the food, but as I said, we have to meet outside the house and he won't come to Pilates classes.
6. Don't be offended by people on the Internet: A decision I decided to make back in <>/<>, but didn't really manage to implement in <>/<>, <>/<> or <>/<>. And I already know that the best way to get rid of notifications is to scroll down with my eyes closed. And I already know that nothing good will come out of consuming online comments: overdos of positive comments, and hope—you're becoming that woman who doesn't understand why a person of your caliber should get up to make himself coffee and not have it served to bed like in "Downton Abbey."
One negative reaction from a person who has both lobes, and Hope—you're lying awake at two in the morning in bed, trying to formulate a response that will prove to him at the same time that you're right, that you've always been right, that you're stunning, that he's stupid, that he's wrong, and that he needs to embark on a long journey of introspection and regret, carrying buckets of water and eating only grains of mung in a monastery full of steps in the Himalayas.
Things I did like in 2022/23:
1. People who apologize because they called me instead of sending a message.
2. The series "The Bear".
3. Write this column.
Happy New Year!
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