It happened to Moran David in front of an audience of thousands of people. Yehuda Poliker called her on stage, for her regular solo on the song "Flower", but she stayed behind the scenes. After many performances in which she accompanied Poliker and countless solos she delivered on stage, her body betrayed her. What would later turn out to be a crippling panic attack put an end not only to her performances with Poliker, but to her entire singing career.
This was also the stage at which she needed soul and body reckoning. Then she began a journey that brought her to who she is today, one of the strongest and most respected women in the Israeli music world. A creator who writes and composes for the great artists, one of the most sought-after teachers of voice, singing and composition, and who works with Shiri Maimon, Hanan Ben Ari, Harel Sakat, Ivri Lider, Eliav Zohar and the list goes on.
Cinematography: Efrat Eshel, Makeup: Vered Badosa Rotero,
"Judko was a school of excellence and soul, for a basic understanding of what it means to stand on a stage. I had five wonderful years with him, and that was the turning point of my life," she recalls that moment. "Suddenly I couldn't go up. I felt like I couldn't move, my body wouldn't let me. At that moment I didn't realize it was a panic attack, it was the first time in my life that I felt that way. Sweat, palpitations, dizziness. The producer told me, 'Go up,' and I can't. In the end, the second backup singer came up in my place.
"The next day, another show, same story. I felt like I was going to die, so I asked them to call an ambulance. At the hospital, they examined me and said, 'You're healthy like an ox, but you're stressed, stressed. I realized that when you don't listen to the soul, it turns up the volume and attacks. I was then after a difficult breakup, living on an automaton. In retrospect, I realize that something in me was not at peace with standing on stage. Record companies wanted to sign me as a singer, I was courted, but at Money Time I always backed off. Something in me didn't want to contain this life. At that point, I left the shows with Yehuda."
"Sensitive soul". With Poliker, photo: from the private album
How did he react?
"He understood. He has a sensitive soul, he absorbs people. That was 11 years ago and I haven't seen it since, but it's a moment etched in me. He said, 'It's not a goodbye, it's a break. I understand your soul needs a break,' and I cried, because I knew I wasn't going back to the stage."
And she really didn't come back. But after a journey through the winds of the soul, which began when she was just a girl who loved to sing, Moran David found her place.
"I wasn't prepared"
"The music has been there since the day I was born," she says back to square one. "I grew up in Jerusalem, a shy girl who sang at home. In fourth grade, we moved, I arrived at a new school, and a girl who doesn't talk much is sometimes interpreted as snobby. Every Friday there was a dance, in which the usual girls would sing in front of the whole school. The principal found out that I was singing beautifully, asked me to sing and they were jealous, and the next day - boycott. The whole class boycotted me led by four girls, who laughed and bullied me for two months. Today, as a mother of children, my heart beats at the thought that my child will be in first grade next year and I know I can't be there to protect him, that this is life."
I guess such an experience leaves scars.
"From that day on, I didn't serve around people, until the army. My friend Noa enrolled me in the military band exams, in which Danny Rubes and Rami Kleinstein tested me, and I was accepted into the Central Command band. Kabra Kasai and Liron Lev were with me in the cycle, Idan Raichel was our director. It was a crazy experience, I enjoyed myself on the levels and it shaped me musically.
"In the army I performed a lot, and after my discharge many of the people I knew went to the exams for A Star Is Born 3. A friend of mine asked me to accompany him to the exams in Beersheba, and I sat with everyone and the examiner asked, 'What are you singing?' I said I wasn't auditioning, but my friend said, 'Come on, sing.' I sang 'Song of Virtue', and from there I reached the stage of the filmed judges. I managed to be in the national team very little. I flew fast and it traumatized me. I didn't enjoy it, I felt like they were dealing with everything except music. It wasn't for my soul.
"I wasn't prepared for the big publicity, the pressure and the stress. Suddenly, one day, you're walking down the street and you're recognized. At the age of 22, I realized that I had to go through a thing or two with myself, to be precise, to find where I was most comfortable."
This program produces stars such as Ninette, Shiri, Sakat, Neta Barzilai and Tamir Greenberg, who do not stop working, but on the other hand also those who return to the abyss of anonymousity. What do you think of the reality format today?
"Fifteen years ago I was very much against reality, maybe because of my personal experience and because I wanted artists to make a way. But there is nothing to be done, in recent years something has changed, the generation has changed, cultural consumption has changed with social networks, everything is more digital, tectocky. So today I think that if it's a reality show that serves the artist himself, that is, if he gets an advertising platform for his work, I'll be the first to say yes. It's a big springboard, so why not?
"It's important to remember that even those who won and who everyone remembers pay a mental price, not just those who flew. It's harder for the winners because more is expected of them, and if it doesn't happen quickly, they ask, 'What happened? Where have they gone?' At the fast pace today, when there are new artists all the time, it's not easy to be a real artist in the music industry."
Her next stop was as a backup singer. After accompanying Idan Yaniv, she continued to Poliker, but five years later she decided to listen to her body, which signaled her to stop.
"Even reality TV winners who everyone remembers pay a psychological price, not just those who flew. It's harder for the winners because more is expected of them, and if it doesn't happen quickly, they ask, 'Where have they gone?' At today's pace, when there are new artists all the time, it's not easy to be a real artist in the industry."
For the next two years, she had panic attacks. "I was trying to survive life," she recalls. "I lived in an apartment with a piano, I couldn't perform and I had no money. I had three voice students."
Did you go to therapy?
"It was hard for me to accept that I couldn't control the situation. At the time, I believed that this was it, that this was how I would live. I gathered myself, cut off contact with friends, didn't leave the house, didn't get on buses, didn't go into elevators or crowded malls, I felt like my world had been destroyed. The only thing that saved me was the piano. I wrote songs, music was my medicine.
"After two years, my mother came and said, 'I can't see my daughter like this anymore, come home.' I came home to Ma'ale Adumim, and my amazing parents were there for me. They took me to a psychologist, I went to homeopathic treatments and started talking about things. I slowly came back to myself. I realized that the resolutions of my psyche were very sensitive, so I couldn't be a singer."
In this treatment, did you come full circle with that girl in fourth grade?
"Both with this and with A Star Is Born. I realized that the frequencies of these competitions weren't good for me – and add to that heartache after a difficult breakup with a partner. I had an overdose in my soul, and the only thing that saved me was probably the panic attacks. Today I thank them. It's the best thing that ever happened to me, the thing that made me who I am. If I hadn't left Yudko, I probably would still be a backup singer."
"Those two years were tough, but they also made me create and refine myself. I realized how sensitive my soul is and how much this amount of emotion can be expressed in creation, writing and composing. I didn't know at the time that this was what I would do, but it felt right."
"Joy in the heart, but apprehensions"
After a period of rehabilitation and a hug with her parents, David returned to herself and Tel Aviv and things began to happen for her - in every way. Then she also met Shahaf, her partner.
"A childhood friend of mine tried to match it for me years ago," she recalls. "That girlfriend told me, 'I'm dating someone who's right for you,' but I had another partner. Years have passed, she and I have been fighting and haven't spoken for a year, and suddenly she sends me a message on Facebook: 'Don't talk to me, I know you're angry, but I won't live with myself if you don't know Seagull.'
"At first I refused, but she insisted. We met, but I didn't get him. He told me without ego, 'I'm always here if you want, good luck.' After a month my mother asked me about him and I told her no, she asked 'why not?' and I didn't know what to say to her. She said, 'Do you know there's love at second sight? Give him a chance.' He was living in Jerusalem at the time, and when I was in Jerusalem I wrote to him, we met, and we've been together ever since."
The two live in a quiet neighborhood in south Tel Aviv, in a bright and stylish house ("The whole house is a seagull, he's a product designer"), with their two children - Shailo (6 and a half) and Nio (two and a half years).
"Hanan is dying to marry us." With Shahaf and the children Shilo and Nio, photo: from the private album
"We've been together for over a decade, but we didn't get married because we didn't have time," she laughs. "It wasn't at the top of our minds, Hananya was dying to marry us. He keeps telling me, 'Let me conduct the ceremony.' Maybe we'll have a party sometime, as far as we're concerned, we're married."
With Seagull's entry into her life, her professional path also took a positive turn, after a meeting with an artistic director at NMC Records changed everything.
"He worked with Harel Sakat at the time, and since then I say Sakat was my first," she laughs again. "I played him a lot of songs, he said, 'You're talented,' and then I said I had another song I wrote along the way, but just a melody. I sang the tune of 'Boom' and at that moment he said, 'You're writing lyrics for this, this is Harel's next song.' That same year, Harel took 'Boom', Shiri Maimon 'Air', Sarit Hadad 'Inta Dayman' and Ivri Lider 'Ker Ker', which we recorded together as a duet for his album that the late Yonatan Frej, his guitarist, did with him."
Four great artists sing your songs. What does it do to you?
"Joy in my heart, but fears that that's it, it's over. I thought to myself, 'Take the best songs you've written, you won't do better.' Satan came and immediately undermined me, but I didn't stop. I continued to write, I made two film soundtracks, Ibiza and Galis-Connect, I wrote three theme songs.
"At first I didn't know anyone yet, so I just sent emails. I didn't know Shiri either, but I always felt that I had something to do with her, that I understood her language, knew what songs she should sing. I don't know how to explain it. When she took 'Air' it was through Noam Horev, who wrote the lyrics to my melody. We didn't have a connection yet, but when she came to the vocal recordings we fell in love with each other within ten seconds.
"Then came 'Breath,' a song I composed for her and there's a crazy story behind it. I was after Shiloh's birth, it's four in the morning and I'm dreaming the whole song in English. Dreaming that Shiri sings the same gospel in a white dress. I got up at four in the morning, sang a cappella on the phone and sent it to her."
How did she react?
"She said it was hysterical, that you had to have a text. Many female writers wrote lyrics to this song until Hadas Cohen, a singer at the beginning, wrote them - and the rest is history. Since then, the connection between me and Shiri has become much more. We are soulmates, we know everything about each other. We are sisters."
"We fell in love in ten seconds." With Maimon songs, photo: from the private album
Along with Maimon, David also wrote "Transparent", which was recently released as a duet with Avi Aburumi. "I wrote the melody with Ronen Ratzabi, and then I met with Shiri and the creator Sound Clippy and we wrote the lyrics together," she says. "We met at Shiri's, and within two hours the text was out of us. This is the first time Shiri has been writing with me, and I'm very proud of all of us."
"Strange chicken industry"
In addition to Maimon, David's resume includes names such as Hanan Ben Ari, Avi Aburumi, Eden Meiri, Eliad Nahum, Rita, Zehava Ben, Harel Sakat, Eliav Zohar, Sarit Hadad, Kobi Aflalo, Anya Bukstein and more. She composes all her songs and writes the lyrics for some of them. In addition, she also does vocal productions for songs she did not write or compose, a profession that is a little less talked about in the music scene.
"Poetry production is about being in charge of the poetry take that people hear at the end. It's about being in the studio and choosing the vibe of the song. I produced Rita, Shiri, Ivri, Hanan, Eliav. They take me as a freelancer, and if it's for an entire album with other writers, I also produce the vocals for songs that others have written.
"קטונתי מלהגיד לאמן להרים ידיים, אבל אם הוא מתחיל לשחזר את עצמו אמנותית, לכבס מילים ולחקות את הדברים שעבדו לו, או כשהוא רוצה לשרת את הקהל שלו יותר מליצור, הייתי מייעצת לו לעשות הפסקה, לדייק את עצמו ולחזור רענן"
"צריך להבין שהקהל מקשיב לזמר או לזמרת, ואם הקול לא נוגע בו לא משנה מה יהיה. פה נכנס התפקיד של הפקת שירה. אנשים לא מבינים כמה זה חשוב, כי בסוף הקהל מזדהה עם הקול. לא כל אמן עושה את זה ובתחילת הדרך שלי זה היה ממש לא מקובל, למרות שבחו"ל זה מקובל ברמות".
אין הרבה נשים מפיקות שירה, נכון?
"אין. האמת היא שאני קצת עוף מוזר בתעשייה, כי בדרך כלל לכל אחד יש תחום משלו. יש מורות נהדרות לפיתוח קול, יש כאלה שהן רק מפיקות שירה, יש יוצרות שכותבות ומלחינות. בהתחלה לאנשים היה קשה לאכול אותי, גם כותבת, גם מלחינה, גם מורה לפיתוח קול, גם מפיקת שירה, ועושה את הכל טוב. אבל, חמסה, לאורך השנים הבאתי גושפנקות, הבאתי להיטי מדינה, ואני ממשיכה ליצור.
"יש לי יותר מ־85 תלמידים פרטיים לפיתוח קול, לכתיבה ולהלחנה, אני מעבירה שיעורים פרטיים בפיתוח קול, סדנאות של הפקות שירה וסדנאות של כתיבה והלחנה גם בבית וגם בבית הספר למוזיקה 'פלוטו', והמון סדנאות אמן בבתי ספר אחרים למוזיקה. אני כבר במחזור השביעי של סדנאות הכתיבה וההלחנה שלי, אז אנשים קלטו שכנראה יש פה משהו".
צילום: אפרת אשל, איפור: ורד בדוסה רוטרו,
אחד האמנים שאליו התחברה דרך הפקת השירה הוא חנן בן ארי, הרבה לפני שנהיה "חנן בן ארי".
"אייל מזיג, המפיק של האלבום הראשון שלו, אמר לי שיש לו זמר קצת מפוזר בווקל שלו ושהוא חייב אותי כדי שזה יצליח. הוא שלח לי את השירים 'איזון' ו'אמא אם הייתי', רק חנן וגיטרה, ולא היה לי ספק שיש פה משהו אחר, מטורף. נדרשה שם עבודת הידוק ופיקוס, אבל הגלעין והבייס היו מדהימים.
"באתי לאולפן להפקת 'אמא' ומגיע בחור מבויש עם כיפה, מתרגש ברמות שיא, עם שקית מלאה ביסלי, וופלים, שוקולדים, קולה, קינלי, כל מה שלא עושים בהפקת שירה. הוא שר בית, עוצר, אומר לי 'מחילה, מחילה' והולך לשירותים. עוד בית, 'מחילה, מחילה' והולך לשירותים. ככה 20 פעם. אני אומרת לטכנאי 'מה זה? יש לו שלפוחית רגיזה?' (צוחקת). ככה הכרתי את חנן, הוא לא הצליח לשיר מרוב התרגשות.
"אחר כך עשינו את 'איזון' ואחרי חודש הוא מתקשר אלי בצרחות: 'מורניה, את לא מאמינה! קיבלתי מימון להד סטראט שלי, יש לי כסף לאלבום שלם ואת עושה אותו איתי' - וזה מה שהיה. גם באלבום השני הוא התקשר: 'מורניה, אני עושה אלבום שני ואת איתי'. מאוד התרגשתי".
"יש לו מתנה מאלוהים". עם חנן בן ארי, צילום: מהאלבום הפרטי
איך נראה תהליך כתיבה עם חנן בן ארי?
"חנניה הוא כבר מזמן בן בית, מעבר לקולגה ולכתיבת שירים. אני משמיעה לו את הלחן ואז נפגשים לכתוב את הטקסט, אבל אנחנו לא מתחילים לכתוב עד שאין את השקשוקה וסלט הירקות שהוא אוהב שאני מכינה. זה תמיד מתחיל בארוחה טובה.
"העבודה איתו היא 20 אחוז כתיבה ו־80 אחוז שיחות נפש. אנחנו יכולים לדבר על נושאים ברומו של עולם, ואז בשנייה הוא מסתכל עלי ויודע מה המשפט הראשון של הטקסט. הוא כותב רק על דפים, בעפרונות שהוא מבקש ממני לחדד ולפעמים להחליף כדי שיהיה טקסט טוב.
"העבודה עם 'חנניה', חנן בן ארי, היא 20 אחוז כתיבה ו־80 אחוז שיחות נפש. אנחנו יכולים לדבר על נושאים ברומו של עולם, ואז בשנייה הוא מסתכל עלי ויודע מה המשפט הראשון של הטקסט. הוא כותב רק על דפים, בעפרונות שהוא מבקש ממני לחדד"
"יש בו איזו מתנה שאלוהים נתן לו, הוא צינור של מילים ורגשות, מדייק כל מילה, בחיים לא מחפף מילים ולא מעגל פינות לטובת החרוז. הוא בית ספר, ואני זכיתי. זה לא מובן מאליו, כי הוא לא כותב עם אחרים, הוא כתב מילים רק ללחנים שלי. הפכנו למשפחה, ואת האלבום השלישי הוא עשה עם תומר בירן. חנן כבר באמת לא צריך אותי, רק מתייעץ איתי. הוא אלוף העולם שלנו".
"בן אדם עם אמת"
A large part of David's professional work these days is dedicated to an artist who was exposed to the public consciousness only about a year ago. His name is Eliav Zohar.
"Eliav tried to schedule a lot of time with me, more than a year, but there was COVID-19 and then I gave birth to Nio and I was overloaded," she says. "He didn't let go, waited for me, and in the end we made an appointment and he came to my house for my first lesson while I was with a three-month-old boy and a housekeeper.
"He comes in with all his size, man-man, and the way he sees Nio on the floor he becomes buttery. He didn't pay any attention to me at all, picked up the child, talked to him, kissed him, that's how I fell in love with him. You see a person with truth."
"My baby." With Eliav Zohar, photo: from the private album
Zohar started out as a voice student, with David also in charge of producing his vocals. "I produced all the songs from the first album for him, without the song 'Michal,'" she says. "For the second album, he played me songs, and then he said, 'There's one more song, which my dad told me to throw aside. A side song like that, which might close an album, isn't a good song, let's just play it for you.'
"He played me 'Michal,' and I said, 'Tell your dad it's the best song I've heard in the last decade.' We started arguing, because I told him it was the song he needed to put out, and two weeks later he called to tell me that he had been approached by The Next Star. He didn't want to go, but I told him, 'Not only do you do 'The Star,' you sing 'Michal' at the first audition.' We argued again, screaming, but I told him, 'We'll work on 'Michal' and everyone will pass you. Do as I tell you.' He listened to me, and the rest is history."
You advised him to go to a program that you left scarred by.
"Because I know what souls can contain it, and it not only contained but also won, a fact. There are people I recognize this place in a second, they are hungry. The competition is tough for me, I can be a good mentor. I'll be there for them, pick them up, help, be precise, do a vocal production, but I won't cope. Eliav is my baby, I also manage him artistically and we are already a real family."
Apropos of family, did his family pedigree as Mickey Zohar's son bother?
"I'm burnt out for his father. In every singing production he is in the studio, there is no such supportive father. I completely separate political opinions, it's not interesting. Mickey is a devoted father and they are an amazing family."
"Towards the second album, Eliav Zohar played me songs and then said, 'There's one song, which my father told me to throw aside. It's not a good song, let's just play it for you.' He played 'Michal,' and I said, 'Tell your dad it's the best song I've heard in the last decade.'"
"Do my thing"
Alongside working with Eliav, something new and exciting is happening in David's life, a kind of additional closure with the stage from which she escaped at the beginning. Soon she will be the mentor of Star Academy, the talent show of Network 13 hosted by Noa Kirl.
"Lately, I've had a bit of a desire to be at the front, but my front," she smiles. "I felt that if something came along that really made me meaningful, I would go for it. When the offer came from Reshet I first said no, but then I realized it was crazy closure. The job is to be a mentor, along with voice instructor and voice teacher Naama Levy Ofek. There is a situation in which I will be a mentor to my students, because everyone auditiones, but if they make it to the national team, Naama will be with them. We will divide the contestants between us. It's going to be a challenging time, big exposure in prime time."
Are you ready for this?
"41 is not 20, there are proportions, even the fact that I'm not coping makes it much easier for me, I come to do my thing. I also took a tip from my song, 'Don't read talkbacks, do your truth.'"
Apropos of songs, now compete against each other. She is a judge on Keshet's "Next Star".
"Shiri is pragmatic on the levels. I consulted with her, Eliav and Hanan, and they all said, 'You have to do this. It really excites me. I look at it as an experience, I will handle the publicity carefully and try to keep my line.
"Hanan said to me, 'Mughania, you will see, when you are there will be a great light, and when there is a great light, everyone wants to touch it. That's where you'll need balance talks with me.'
"For me, it's also a great opportunity to show the audience at home how good and talented people work behind the scenes, things that people don't know. I have another amazing mentor with me on the show, so it's female empowerment at its best in prime time, and I salute that."
There is still a male majority in the music industry. Do you feel a glass ceiling?
"Statistically there are more men in the industry in general. More producers, more writers and more creators, but at the same time there is much more awareness and emphasis on the presence of women. I don't live in a movie where we're on an equal footing, but there are tons of amazing singers, songwriters and music producers who have recently been getting more of a stage. Shiri is one of the pioneers who has always resented this, and I hope there will be a real change here and that you won't ask me this question anymore."
In the age of TikTok and Instagram, what do you think of the celeb culture that has spread here?
"A few years ago there was talk of actors who resented the fact that network stars were taking roles after they studied for three years, but I can say that just as songs come and go but classics stay, this is also true in acting. There are trendy songs that may cheapen the language or hurt the listener's intelligence, but there is room for everyone.
"My preoccupation as an artist is not what I don't have, but what I can give. I believe that what is mine is mine, that is, whoever is supposed to get the job will get it. Nothing comes at the expense of the other, there is room for everyone."
"Statistically there are more men in the industry, but at the same time there is much more awareness and emphasis on the presence of women. I don't live in a film where we're on an equal footing, but there are now tons of amazing singers, songwriters and music producers who get more of a stage."
When you work with an artist at the beginning of your journey, can you identify who will succeed and who will not?
"I don't sell dreams to anyone. My job is to sow in them what can be done and support them. With artists just starting out, whether I see potential or not, I'll maximize what I can do for them. I won't blow other people's dreams inside, it's not my job, but I'm also not in the studio with people I know nothing will come of them.
"When I'm taken to produce vocals, I ask to get the song first, see if I can help with it, and if I know it's not my cup of tea and I can't bring added value, I don't."
When should an artist give up and when should he continue to work hard?
"I'm reluctant to tell an artist to give up, but if he starts recreating himself artistically, washing words and imitating the things that worked for him, or when he wants to serve his audience more than creating, I would advise him to take a break, refine himself and come back refreshed with new news for his audience."
Is there an artist you haven't worked with yet and he's the dream?
"I do poetry productions for everyone. My dreams are to write, because I am first and foremost a creator. I would like to write to Uncle Tessa, who is amazing. I love him and we know him, because I work with Nir Maimon, the side next to him. I believe that at some point it will happen."
And doesn't it tickle you to sing the songs you write yourself?
"I swear I didn't. I have no shortage of singing, I sing all day. Singing for my children, singing with the students, in workshops, singing when I write songs and singing when I do sketches for artists and produce poetry. I don't want to be famous with my songs. On the contrary, when I write a song and I imagine who's going to sing it, I'm in the lights."
Maya19.10@gmail.com
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