"I still want to feel like we got a gift. As if this difficult hour is an opportunity for us to make amends, to build something new, to create a new Israeli story. Only those who receive help from Israelis during such times understand the enormous power of this.
"I can say that it's even scary to see Israeliness in action. People you don't know wrap around you and take care of everything you need. Professionals suddenly become the most effective there is, the army returns to the army it was supposed to be. And I'm afraid we'll miss it. That if we've already received things this way, let us know how to keep it."
Ohad Munder meets his father for the first time after returning from captivity
On the afternoon of Black Saturday, Roi Zakari (45) from Kibbutz Hephzibah planned to go to his father, Avi, and eat with his family. A phone call from his father and several WhatsApp messages informed him of what had happened while he was sleeping: "I don't hear the news. But we got messages in the group that Dad had written that we saw a white pickup truck driving around shooting people, and that the family should be careful. I don't know, I thought it might be joking. I didn't get it. But then I realized it was serious. But it wasn't until I joined my dad that I really understood what was going on. He asked me on the way to him, 'Say, don't you hear the news?' and I told him I really hadn't."
The Munder family was kidnapped from Nir Oz. Daughter Keren and grandson Ohad, residents of Kfar Saba, were found on Black Saturday at the home of their grandparents, Avraham and Ruthi. Roy Monder, son of Ruthi and Avraham and Keren's brother, was murdered the same day. This week, Ruti, Keren and Ohad returned from captivity after 49 days. They were the first to be released in the longest week the State of Israel has experienced in its 75-year history. As of this writing, the grandfather, Avraham, remains in Hamas captivity.
Remember, this week. "On Saturday, my father wrote that you see a white pickup truck driving around and shooting people," Photo: Arik Sultan
"When Ohad and I hugged, he started crying for a moment. And it was hard for me. You have to know Ohad. He is an introverted child, very collected. Because he's so smart and clever, he's very self-aware. And to see him sad like that all of a sudden, this boy, who always hid emotions from the environment, it overwhelmed me with so many emotions.
"I know that maybe for us it's the end of one thing. And this is a happy ending, let there be no doubt. But I also know that for us, and of course for Ohad, this is just the beginning of another journey. Added."
Wrapped in love. Ohad with his mother Keren, father Avi and brother Roi, Photo: Schneider Center Spokesperson
Divorce in a loving family
Roy Zakari was born in Tel Aviv. Of his childhood, he says: "We were kids in the '80s, with a lot more independence than we have now, with parents who allowed a lot of things. I was a key kid, big time. And that made me angry at times." When he was 26, his parents divorced. His father and mother found new partners, but everyone who visited Schneider Hospital last Saturday got to see a loving and supportive family who bonded so they wouldn't leave anyone alone.
What kind of family were you?
"Even though I wasn't that young anymore, there was something about this divorce that had a big impact on my relationship with my father. I was angry. But you know, I've started a process with myself that there's not much you can do with this anger, and you have to deal with it. And then what happened happened."
On the moment of the encounter: "When we hugged, a fan started crying for a moment. You have to know Ohad. Because he's so smart and clever, he's very self-aware. And to see him sad like that all of a sudden, this boy, who always hid emotions from his surroundings, it overwhelmed me."
Then your parents set out on a new path, and Ohad was the happy addition to the family.
"When the parents were tired of spending time with the children after family meals, I would take my daughters and Ohad, and we would go to an amusement park in Kfar Saba. Looking for animals in the garden. A fan, because he is a child who absorbs everything, would suck in and absorb everything that was said. These family gatherings on weekends are something we miss. And this Friday, we hope the whole extended family gets together for Friday dinner for the first time since what happened."
What kind of kid is he a fan of? We know about his love for the Hungarian Cube. But what else?
"Ohad was diagnosed as gifted. It means a love of math and Lego Technic. He also recently started a podcast called Children's Justice, in which he educates children about their legal rights on issues related to children. "Recently my dad also started teaching him drawing, and he got into it like everything he does, in a serious way: he's into tennis and football when it comes to sports. And especially a very mature child for his age, it's not a child who cries, even in the most difficult moments."
Watch the documentation: IDF pilots with Ohad Munder during his return to Israel // Photo: IDF Spokesperson
When did you realize that you were the one who had to take responsibility for everything that was happening here on Shabbat?
"Very quickly. It seemed natural to everyone, including me. Dad went through a process with himself and I saw how I became his father. We slept together throughout the period and I found myself telling him, 'Eat,' 'Drink.' As the period went on, I saw that he was changing before my eyes. This obliged me to take even more responsibility. I realized that now the situation is that I'm his father and there's a chance that this is how it will stay."
You have your own family, how do they get through it?
"My girls, aged 15 and 9, left as soon as it all started for our friends in Holland. It was clear to me that I wanted to distance them from everything that was happening, both on a personal level and in general. They treated it like a trip, took it as an experience, and it gave me peace of mind."
On Ohad: "He was diagnosed as gifted. It means a love of math and Lego Technic. He recently started a podcast himself called Children's Law, in which he teaches children about their legal rights. The truth is, I learned a lot from this podcast."
All along, when you appeared in the media, you conveyed confidence that a fan would return, that you would bring him back.
"I was optimistic all the time. As soon as I knew he was alive, I said I now had to stay focused despite the fatigue and crises. In retrospect, when I think about it, this optimism was not based on anything. The fact that I felt optimistic is nice, but I'm not sure it had anything to do with reality all the time. I would see the news in the living room, and suddenly the people who were talking about them on the news came in and sat down next to me. Like you think you're not part of the situation, when in fact it's your life."
Fan with his friends. They received pizza and ice cream, photo: Schneider Center spokesperson
Were there moments of crisis along the way? Moments when you said you were giving up?
"When we went to Nir Oz, to see the house and try to understand what happened there. Everything was still fresh. I took the camera with me because I'm an amateur photographer. I went from place to place to document, to feel the land. And suddenly I realized that something was happening to me, that what was happening here was really too much. It was the first time I felt like I was losing it. Both physically and mentally."
On the days of captivity: "They were not touched, they were not beaten. But he saw things that a child in this world shouldn't. As he hid under his bed, he watched as they tried to murder his mother. This child, who has not encountered any evil in the world until now, suddenly experiences the ultimate evil."
This experience is shared by all those who returned to the inferno close to the events, and yet you did not break down, and decided to move on.
"The truth is, my girls were about to come back from Holland, and I thought to myself that was a bad idea. That I am in my most difficult situation, and that they will see me like this, and that they will also see up close what is happening in the country. But their return did the best thing that could have happened to me. Their return filled me with strength. I realized that I had received a very meaningful answer about my identity, about who I was, and I realized that I was first and foremost a father. That I am many things, but I am first and foremost Roy and I am a father. In general, I think that this event reminded us how much the Israeli family structure is one of the symbols of this event, the importance of the family in society."
Celebrating a birthday, photo: from the family album
Big brother and instant contact
After Roy's parents divorced, his father met Ruthie, who was pregnant, with Ohad. They became a family, and for Roy, he immediately became Ohad's big brother.
Despite the age difference, was the connection between you immediate?
"Yes, he connected me to the child in me, the one who doesn't want to grow up. Like I told you, he has his introverted world and I managed to penetrate it. We would play and go wild. I would tickle him so he could see that he was laughing and that he could be laughed. That's also what I hope to do with him very soon, after things calm down."
On their relationship: "Ohad connected me to the child in me. He has his introverted world and I was able to penetrate it. We would play and go wild. I would tickle him so he could see that he was laughing and that he could be laughed. That's what I hope to do with him soon."
You got to talk shortly after he came back. He must have missed you.
"I can say they weren't touched, they weren't beaten. But he saw things that a child in this world shouldn't. While hiding under his bed, he watched as they tried to murder his mother. They couldn't burn everything, so they kidnapped them. And he later saw and experienced a great deal of death, and it's so hard to think about it. You know, when I was a teenager, I was told there was such a thing as snuff movies. I was afraid to see someone being abused and still enjoying it and filming it. As a teenager, it bothered me. And when I think of a fan, this kid who hasn't encountered any evil in the world until now, suddenly experiences the ultimate evil in front of his eyes and not in the movie, it haunts me.
"I'm part of the family, but now it's theirs in their home, and it's clear to all of us that it's not going to be easy. But I remind myself that despite the great sadness, on a personal level our ending is a happy ending, even if it is not really the end. We've had a very tough week, and I'm glad a fan is protected from the media. I see a lot of fan-related stories coming out, I have no idea where they're coming from, but to say the least they sound strange to me. We now want to go back to our private lives."
Roy and Ohad. "We want to go back to our private lives", photo: from the private album
There is a lot of talk about the mental health assistance that the first circle will need. But there are also you, the families who accompanied and supported. Do you think you also need help after what you've been through?
"Until now, everything that happened was sitting here in the back of my head. I made sure to do whatever it took to make it sit there. But now I know I'm going to have to deal with things, take care of them. I feel like getting on my motorcycle and traveling in Thailand. That's mostly what I want, to go back to being the kid I've always been."
Last Saturday, if I may say, the hospital looked like a fan's big release party.
"We were supposed to eat steaks on the Saturday when it all happened. Then I told my father not to throw away the steaks, because we'd eat them on a fan's birthday. Then came the birthday and a fan was not released. So we said that as soon as he was released, we would give him the biggest release party we could, not just with steaks. And yes, it was very overwhelming what happened last Saturday in the hospital."
Top and right: Ohad and Roy in family moments, photo: from the family album
Uncertainty until the last minute
Also at the hospital were Roi's mother and her partner, who also joined the effort. In one of the saddest moments that came from Schneider Hospital, Ruthie Munder and her daughter were heard asking for the fate of their families. "Daddy there? Is Dad there?" asked Karen, a family member, crying. After he informed her that her father had been kidnapped, she said with relief: "So he wasn't murdered."
Since you were the first to experience liberation, tell us a little about how this actually happens.
"Every family has a casualty officer who accompanies you from the beginning of the process, you hope of course that they will give you good news. Whenever there was relevant news about a fan, we were updated. On Wednesday, they contacted my father and told him Ohad was being released. Thursday was a day of uncertainty and a lot of stress, even though it was made clear to us that he was coming back. On Friday, the casualty officer came and picked us up from the house. They told us we would meet Ohad at Schneider Hospital."
Through television we recognized Ohad, and we realized that he was really on his way to us. Roy and Ohad (left), photo from the family album
And was there still uncertainty in those moments?
"When we got to the hospital we were told he was on his way. We went inside through a sleeve that hid us from the media, along with other families who had received the message. Professionals were waiting for us in the room: medical, psychological, a representative of the security service, and the extended family was given another room to stay in, because a lot of people started coming from second and third circles as well. From here we were updated through television and the media. We saw that there was a delay, and then another delay. But then through television we recognized Ohad, and we realized that he was really on his way to us, because there was no doubt from the pictures that it was him, it gave a sense of relief of course, but still he wasn't with us."
And yet, until it lands, you don't believe it.
"Ohad arrived in the second helicopter, after he was not in the first helicopter. We were happy to see the families receiving their loved ones. Then I looked up at the sky and saw a helicopter start landing, and from there a fan emerged. When he came out of his sleeve, he ran to his family."
A fan in a helicopter, back from Gaza. Received a chopper to sit in the cockpit, photo: IDF Spokesperson
Then the door closes and what happens?
"Actually, we didn't close the door. We were instructed not to ask questions, so we hugged him and I personally told him, 'We missed you' and 'Now you're in a safe place.' Of course, we asked to be alone, and all the professionals went to another room. All that remained with us was a female soldier and the IDF Spokesperson, who filmed what was happening. At the moment of meeting Ohad, we hugged him, were silent and felt the need to breathe with him for a moment, before the room filled with people again."
Tell us a little about what happened after you left the hospital.
"Everything was ticked. Therefore, leaving the hospital was difficult for everyone, and for Ohad in particular, because of the treatment we received there, and the way it was wrapped. And in general, from everyone we felt that we were getting the best. The army did its job in the best possible way. The best officers were constantly in front of us. The feeling was not of 'Here we promised you that we would bring back Ohad and we succeeded,' but of 'This is the least we can do after everything that happened, and we're trying to fix it.'"
As Israeliness is supposed to be...
"Exactly, and then you think to yourself, but because they weren't doing their job, exactly what happened. Ohad was kidnapped from his house, and everyone's job was to protect him in his house. And now these entities are actually coming and doing what they were supposed to do in real time. You ask yourself - how did we get to such a situation? On the one hand, the whole Schneider hospital told me, 'Whatever you need, we're here.' On the other hand, if everything worked as it should, I wouldn't have to be here. On the way home, I thought to myself that I would love to give up all the tremendous warmth and love we received under these circumstances. I don't forget why we receive all this warmth and love, but the question arises where was this guarantee between us before what happened."
And do you have answers to that question?
"I think it's our division that made it happen. That our enemies saw us in our weakness, decided to take advantage of the opportunity and came to murder us. I'm not talking politics here. I don't care about that. But it is inconceivable that our elected representatives could not keep us united, and were busy dividing, while we saw and experienced firsthand as a family the love, the caring, the help of this people that is unparalleled in the world.
"How could it be that only a month and a half ago we were so divided? Who had an interest in us being like that? Look, the ultra-Orthodox in their world, the Arabs in their world. They know who they are and their identity is clear. Suddenly our identity was lost. My generation, and certainly the generation below me, thought that we are citizens of the big world, and yes, we are citizens of the big world, but we are first and foremost Israelis and Jews, and for this our neighbors in the region want to murder us."
Brothers. "He's a kid who absorbs everything and sucks everything in," photo: from the family album
You say these things not with rage, but with great sadness. Don't you have a sense of revenge?
"I understood in our personal story and in what happened to the country, what is the difference between us and them. We do everything to protect our children and our old people, and they send terrorists to kidnap women, the elderly and especially children, because they know that our soft underbelly is children. They see what we are doing to free our children. They see how an entire country rallied to free Ohad. They hide in a hospital and our soldiers make every effort not to harm innocent people there. These are the differences between us and them, and if we act only for revenge, it will blur the differences.
On returning to life: "Until now, everything that happened was sitting in the back of my head. But now I know I'm going to have to deal with things, take care of them. I feel like getting on my motorcycle and traveling in Thailand. That's mostly what I want, to go back to being the kid I've always been."
"I learned that even though I was raised and raised that if we treat them with the same values we grew up on, they will understand – but now we have all understood that with them, the land comes before people. We need to stop imposing our opinion on them and learn their opinion. If that's what they believe, maybe we should stop telling them, 'No, believe what I'm telling you, because that's what's right.' There is a lot of arrogance on the part of our side even when we insisted on thinking that if we force what we see as right, they will straighten out the way we want, so in the end they didn't align. Because we don't share the same values."
Back to real life
Now Roy begins his journey, returns to the moment when his life stopped and looks for a way to continue it. He asks that they also pay attention to the families of those released and to other circles. At the same time, he intends to rehabilitate his business and continue to be part of the headquarters of the abductees, until the latter returns home.
For 49 days you were busy with only one thing. The families, including you, can't concentrate on anything else.
"I HAVE A GUITAR EFFECTS BUSINESS. Website: www.gheffects.com). I went international in recent years and the business has gained momentum. And that's after I was even a bank clerk. Unfortunately, the business didn't work last month, and I missed Black Friday, now I think they'll want to order less than an Israeli business. But I'm taking my time and I'll come back to that. It's not an easy situation, but worrying about money now, after everything we've been through? I've already said, we've discovered a new set of values."
Are you still in touch with the families of the other abductees? You were very active in Ohad's story, and many looked at the way you acted.
"I admit that recently, before the liberation, I was busy fighting for sympathetic liberation, and I was less attentive and available to other struggles of the families who were in the same situation as us. But it's important for me to say that we're continuing the struggle until the last of the abductees gets home. I want to do everything I can. And if there are families who need me for anything, I'm willing to come and help. You know, we got a page from a state social worker, 'For the family of the children who came back from captivity' or something like that. And you hold it in your hand, feel like you belong and don't belong, and you say to yourself that we must be the first to receive these pages, I don't think there was a protocol here or in any country that deals with abducted children on the battlefield. It seems delusional to me, it will take time to recover."
Do you feel that our story as Israelis has been rewritten these days?
"One of the things that we always looked at our parents' generation and really stood out there was how they managed to create for themselves an ethos of Israeliness that they were very proud of, and admired other Israelis who were part of that ethos. We moved away from this idea a bit, because we were sure that we were individuals, that we were part of a much larger world than Israel. What happened to me and to us showed me that the time has come to create new Israeli stories, that we will also look at them like our parents' generation and know the names of the people we admire, and I think that these ethos are being created these very days."
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