Careful, camels on the way. That's how I know I got south.
I've been in Europe for a month and a half, and just as autumn is beautiful there, it's cold and wet. I only came to Israel for a few days, to visit everyone and collect important things from home. After two days of traffic jams in the center, I jumped into Nir Oz for the first time since.
On the way, in the car, Shalom Hanoch sings about the love of his youth, and I try to imagine what the kibbutz will look like now. Who does he actually love, the girl or his youth on the kibbutz? Maybe you're the girl on the kibbutz.
A painting that remained in front of the vineyard gate, apparently they looted it from the house and decided to throw it away on the way, photo: Shahar and Heb
They didn't burn down my house, they just turned it over and stole everything they could. So as always when I return from abroad, I started tidying, cleaning and washing dishes, as if I really lived there. Collection of some clothes, important documents, photos.
Cut out the pictures for us. Terrorists were in my house, taking scissors (even I can't always find those elusive scissors) and cutting out family photos of us while my wife and child in the safe room hope they won't know they're there, under the mattress.
I finally stayed overnight at my house, drinking my coffee on the porch, and returned to the center the next day. After a full day of traffic jams and errands, I got tired of the city again. At night, I turned my bow south and started rolling. Must stop for rest and sunrise photo at Sde Boker.
We love Sde Boker. It is close to Nir Oz and beautiful there as in the painting. It's also where you go whenever there's a war or an operation, or just missiles. For the most part, that's fine, but the operations in Gaza aren't always planned and coordinated with us so that we can escape. So the method is to jump for a walk in Sde Boker.
They take a bag with some clothes and wait for the evening news, to see what Hamas decides this time. Perhaps they should vote by phone on a special broadcast of television in the Arab world, which the audience will decide.
Go answer in two words
Morning on the roads of the Negev. A window opens, and dry, hot air surrounds me. Desert air - not this dank of Europe. Miss. The desert rises and falls, and on the radio Elior Yani whispers to me to escape to the quiet lagoons. It suits me exactly. Soon we will arrive at the hotel in Eilat, to be with everyone from Nir Oz.
Meeting mom, brothers, all the friends. How are you? How are you? How are you? Go answer it in two words, or even in a whole sentence. Great kaka, that's what there is to say, we haven't found another description yet.
The lobby, the new center of life of Kibbutz Nir Oz, photo: Shahar Vahav
Enter the usual route: lunch in the dining room, laundry in the makeshift laundry in the donation room. This evening, abductees are released from Nir Oz. A message with the list was sent in the group. There is also a passage through the kibbutz's makeshift bookkeeping, to sign invoices of compost for the crop of plot 18 from September.
In the evening they sit in the lobby. There is a projection of the news live on a big screen. Or they walk around the patio outside, among reporters and cameras and children who are already bored in the hotel, and all the activities and all the artists and footballers who came to visit don't interest them - because Dad is not on the list of those released today.
A strange place, this parallel world of Nir Oz in Eilat. Everything goes on as usual, the caregivers even opened makeshift kindergartens in a large tent, and Rina is still sitting at the secretariat's desk at the entrance to the hotel. I suddenly come from the outside, after not being with everyone for a long time, and everything seemed like a reality show. So I wave and smile at the security cameras every time I pass.
The hall in the hotel where the release of the hostages is watched, on Saturday they moved the curtain outside, photo: Shahar and Heb
And in tonight's episode: The Grandmothers
Tonight is a crazy episode: Some of Nir Oz's grandmothers are returning from captivity, but maybe there will still be a surprise from Hamas, and everything is still uncertain! We're all in this crazy roulette, what will happen tomorrow night, the girls will come back or not? Watch tomorrow at 19pm to find out.
The drama is over, and so are the commercials. Prisoners have returned home, there are more for tomorrow and the next day. Outside the lobby, the young people sit down for a drink. No one watches the TV anymore, and all the children went to sleep. We still hear stories from each other that we didn't know about that day (Black Saturday? The Great Offensive? October 7? What shall we call this thing?).
In the evening, in the lobby, there is a screening of the live news on a large screen. They walk around the patio outside, among reporters and cameras and children who are already bored in the hotel, and all the activities and artists and footballers who came to visit don't interest them - because Dad is not on the list of those released today
At night the roulette spins again and the list for tomorrow is published. Only guys from Bari, there is no Manir Oz. Sucks... Wait, no, actually it's great! Our moral ideals have been getting a serious stretch lately in all directions.
The next day there is also a big screen outside, but fewer came to see. Today it's Barry being released and we're in Nir Oz, the ratings are lower on this episode of Black Mirror. What will happen tomorrow? We don't know, Hamas has not yet allowed the list to be published.
A delusional piece, total trolling, there are no such things. These are the definitions that run in the lobby when talking about the abductees. There's no way to really define it, it's really a hallucination. We sit in a hotel 250 kilometers from our home to feel safe, while Hamas announces every day which of our closest friends will be released from captivity in Gaza tonight, perhaps. The whole country is in crisis, all the members of the army, even Tel Aviv is desolate! But don't worry, we will surrender Hamas.
An improvised kindergarten at the hotel, the caregivers Original Menir Oz, photo: Shahar and Hehav
I'm surprised they don't count likes on social media to decide which of the abductees will be released today, it fits the script. But it's clear that the baby will win, and certainly his brother too. Who actually chooses? I think after the third drink in the lobby with the guys. How do you decide who is released, Sinwar simply marks a list of names with a pencil, or there are secret and complex discussions? Like the kids exchanging football cards - giving you two of Messi for one of Mbappe - but don't be wrinkled!
What can be done, is it good or bad this whole deal? I ask everyone I meet at the hotel. It doesn't matter, there's no choice, that's always the answer. There is no choice because they must be returned. The price doesn't matter because we ate it from all directions anyway, there's no choice.
"Everyone needs to be eliminated"
In the midst of all this chaos, you have to choose apartments and furniture for the new housing complex in Kiryat Gat. Everyone is under pressure. Everything has to happen in the next week or two, and everyone has to move from the hotel. And after that, go back to build Nir Oz or somewhere else? All of us together or each for himself? Good questions, but the daily chapter of releasing hostages begins, so we'll think about it tomorrow.
A delusional thing, total trolling - these are the definitions that run in the lobby when talking about the abductees. It's really a hallucination. We sit in a hotel 250 kilometers from our home to feel safe, while Hamas announces every day which of our closest friends will be released from captivity in Gaza tonight, perhaps
None of us want to live outside the community, that's why we were in Nir Oz in the first place. What we decide in the end is directly related to how this war will end. Returning all the abductees and giving up in Gaza? Or are they entering with all their might to the last Hamas member?
I don't know which decision is worse. If you ask one friend of mine, everyone should be eliminated, no matter what gets in the way. But if you ask his mother - she would be very happy if they brought them back soon, she was also there and knows it's not fun.
Calendar of activities on vacation on the sea, photo: Shahar Vahav
And how will they return from captivity? Will there be the same people, just a little sadder? Or will they shake off the dust of Gaza and carry on as usual? Low chance, I think, and wonder if they'll even be back with us anytime soon. It was in my head that they were leaving the hospital tomorrow and coming to the hotel, but I hadn't been in Israel for a long time, so I'm not calibrated to reality.
All around, Nir Oz boys and girls from all periods run around. Help, organize, arrange and just support. On the kibbutz itself, the guys are already sowing wheat and picking avocados. Great people, everyone. Well, we were all raised by those grandmothers you see on the news coming back from captivity with straight backs. I don't envy Hamasnik for trying to mess with them. I stopped trying at a very early age.
Meets a young friend outside the field crops at lunchtime, looking to borrow a van. What are you doing here? Is your mother being released today?! "As soon as possible," he replies, "we have to bring the guys from the orchard for lunch, and then we'll shower and go."
Selfie in field crops, photo: Shahar Wahab
The washing machine is finished
Beautiful in Nir Oz now. Everything is green and lots of butterflies in the air. The cats walk around like the owners, but sooty. The abandoned and burned houses are a great hunting ground for them. Meanwhile, at a hotel in Eilat, between the announcement of the time of travel and the memorial service tomorrow and the announcement of the expected release of the Nir Oz people this evening, they sent a message that the washing machine is finished and that it is very worthwhile for a blue laundry number 357 to come and take out his clothes.
Everything goes on as usual, the caregivers even opened makeshift kindergartens in a large tent, and Rina is still sitting at the secretariat's desk at the entrance to the hotel. I suddenly come from the outside, and everything looks like a reality show to me. So I wave and smile at the security cameras as I pass
It's me, 357 blue, for three decades. The kibbutz laundry burned down, but the laundry carts that someone with a mustache and a desire to impress Daniella from the commune welded in the kibbutz's metal workshop in the '60s are still there. Well built, strong welds.
Ayelet and Pepin at the home of Neshama the Queen of Cats, Photo: Shahar and Hehav
It's fun to visit, but it's hard to think about moving back in the meantime. A lot of questions and not many answers, that's life now. We'll wait for everyone to come back and hear what they say.
Brought to print: Adi Rubinstein
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