Now that schools and kindergartens have largely returned to normal, I feel a growing need to sharpen the guidelines for parents regarding their children's playdates. And when I say a need arises, I'm looking at you, Daniella's parents (a pseudonym, a girl named Daniella has never visited us and even if she was, anyway her parents only call "Haaretz"). These guidelines are intended for parents living in urban localities only, since if they were friendlier types, they would go live in Mitzpe Junar or up Buckwheat.
To put it bluntly, I haven't done my nails for years because I'm afraid the manicurist will want to talk as I go. Of course, it is important for me to note, especially these days, that we all love and embrace the entire nation of Israel, we just don't want to do it in our living room.
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1. Unless explicitly stated otherwise, reservation is limited to children only. The natural, necessary and desirable situation is parents who bring their child and then return to pick him up at a predetermined time. Any deviation from the guidelines can deteriorate rapidly and lead to a situation in which you are doomed to manage, God forbid, small talk, and neither side wants escalation.
2. If the guest child insists on being stayed with him (legitimate on first visits), the host parent should be alerted in advance. If you are bringing more children with you than agreed, please be alerted in advance. The guiding principle of children's friend visits is that children amuse themselves with a screaming contest, dipping valuables in water, or whatever they like to do, during which time parents are free to fold laundry or, as expected, stare.
3. Further to the previous section, if you had to stay with your child at the host's house, the expectation of you, after a short courtesy call ("What do you do in life? Wow, what a beauty! You are a personal trainer and in your spare time take care of ferrets with special needs!), is to act like any sane human being and be on the phone. The polite hosts will surely offer you coffee or soft drinks. One can agree. Refuse all other refreshments and consume only what is already served to children. It's tastier anyway. There is not, I repeat, any social interaction that would require the host to stop looking at his phone. We are not barbarians.
4. If you're already there, you'll have to look like you've come to help and you're not just sitting on my laundry. You're going to have to raise your own children, that is, mediate negotiations over Speedy McQueen and debate over who got more gummies, let alone blow your own kids' noses. Also, you can't go home until they symbolically return a symbolic toy to the place. Since they won't, you'll have to. All the Lego goes into the green box. I know, sucks, but you should have thought about it first, when you were having kids.
5. Dinner is served at <>:<>, showers will start at <>:<>. An invitation to stay for dinner takes effect only after two explicit offers and after you have refused it at least once. From the moment the order takes effect, it is necessary to assist in submitting and operating the event to prevent damage to (mine) and damage to property. Regardless of quality, nutritional values and variety of dishes, the only possible response to a menu is "wow can the recipe" or, of course, shut your ass. And yes, I'm sure your quinoa dish is very tasty, Danielle's mother, but we serve the pizza today from the day before.
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6. Pick-up time must be scheduled in advance or during the visit. Do not be late!! I am very happy that Danielle is enjoying herself with us, she is indeed a precious treasure and has great qualities, especially I love that she asks me "why is your house so messy?" and "why does your stomach look like this", but it is already late. How do I know it's getting late? The little one is smeared in the cottage and has been running in circles around the island in the kitchen for fifteen minutes, shouting that he is the cottage monster. If you don't show up soon, I'll have to gossip about you with other parents.
7. There is no doubt that the social life of our children is very important to us, and is a significant key to proper mental development. Meetings with children their age are critical to raising happy and interpersonal capable children. All this is true until seven o'clock in the evening. After <>pm we don't care about any of that anymore and we just want them to be relatively clean.
8. In conclusion, we will be happy to host your children, and if necessary then you too. We ask you to strictly follow the guidelines, because otherwise we will have no choice and next time we will have to lie and say that we have a class today.
Hoping for quiet days,
Yours, Dory's mother.
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