Dafna Adir has not been able to meet her niece, 4-year-old Abigail, until now, and only in the coming days will she do so for the first time since the girl returned from captivity: "I was not able to see her until now." She smiles, but her eyes convey sadness. "I wasn't sure I would handle it. I left her gifts at the hospital that she loves and left. It's too hard for me, but this week the whole extended family will meet. I think I'm ready for it."
Dafna, in her 30s, is the sister of Roy Idan, the father of the family, who was murdered in the village of Gaza together with his wife Smadar on Black Saturday. Abigail's two brothers, Michael and Amalia, survived the inferno while hiding in the family's closet next to their mother's body. She lives in Kfar Harif, a moshav on the southern coastal plain, which in terms of the attack is relatively far from the area of the inferno, but on the scale of time to reach the safe room, it takes only 45 seconds.
Headquarters for the Families of the Abductees
For the past two months, like the rest of the family, Daphne has been busy fighting for Abigail after the burial of her brother and his wife, while devotedly caring for her elderly parents and attending the memorial service in the middle of the war. They were four brothers, she the youngest. Over the years, two of them moved to the Golan Heights, while Dafna and Roy remained in the southern settlements, close to their parents. "Roy was the light of the house, the parents' favorite," she says. "A very big miracle happened to us, we don't forget it, but we were left – the families on both sides, and Roi and Smadar's children – with a big hole in our hearts."
"They said Abigail was killed too"
In the weeks since the war began, Daphne did not speak much, preferring to focus on the struggle for her niece's release. Now she continues to fight for the other families. This week, at the Tel Aviv café where we met, there weren't too many signs of relief on her face. It's as if she's still in the midst of her personal struggle, and not in its finale, which for the Israeli public seems to have closed when Abigail's face appeared on television screens and provoked liberating tears among an entire nation.
Two months after she was kidnapped, the girl returned home and is currently with her maternal family, and the families on both sides are raising the three children together. Abigail became the child of the state and, against her will, also one of the greatest symbols of iron swords.
These are the hardest two months in the life of a person who finds himself in such a situation. Is there any feeling that is even close to the conclusion of the event?
"For me, the story is divided - from that Shabbat and after my brother's shiva. For 20 days, I was at my parents' house all the time, 24 hours a day. I didn't move from there. It took a while for them to recognize my brother, until they notified our parents. My three children every day were at other friends, family members. I wasn't home. They even took me out of the educational groups on WhatsApp. I didn't know where my children were, each time they were lovingly wrapped in a different place."
May I ask you to go back to that Shabbat?
"We were busy rescuing the older children. We had a lot of phones around us, and everyone was trying to get information about what had happened. It wasn't until the evening that they told us they couldn't be found, but that very morning, when the sirens started – even though there was nothing in the media yet – we realized something was happening. I was in the safe room for two hours without reception. I called my parents, who live 2 kilometers away, and told them to gently wake up my son, who was sleeping with them. At 8:45 A.M., my mother called me to tell me that Ro'i and Smadar had been murdered, and fifteen minutes earlier, I had told my neighbor that it was a miracle that only one woman had been killed – a woman who was a friend of my parents.
"And I, with the mental difficulty and the fact that missiles are constantly being fired at us, can't go there. Then the neighbor who is there calls me and tells me I have to come now, because the little girl was also killed. She meant Abigail. Roy was shot in the back, and the girl was filled with blood and people were sure that she had also been murdered, because they couldn't find her. I called my brothers from the Golan Heights and asked them to come urgently. Two hours later, they arrived, with red paint in the background, of course, and there are volleys. We were all busy with only one thing – rescuing the older brothers who were hiding in the closet."
Did you know at any moment what was going on with them?
"They told us they were hiding in a closet, and Linoy the dispatcher was in contact with them (Linoy Elazar from Magen David Adom was the one who instructed the children to go and hide in the closet). At 18:00 P.M., there was a phone call from a number we don't know. In retrospect, we found out that he had come to rescue them through friends who knew he was there. He asked, 'Where are the kids hiding in the closet?' but then the call was cut off because he ran out of battery before we could answer him. At 20:45 p.m., the force arrived and rescued them.
"We were only concerned with one thing – saving the children." The room in the Idan family's safe room, photo: None
"They didn't want to do a scan, but we insisted that they give us a snapshot of what was happening and we stayed on the line with them. The children were found in a closet in the safe room, and the force that found them said Smadar's body was next to the coffin. They went looking for Roy and Abigail and couldn't find them. It wasn't until the next day that we realized that Abigail had been kidnapped after staying with the Brodetz family at home. Roi, who we discovered only a week ago, was not far from home. We found a blood stain that we suspected was his, and a week ago I found Abigail's pacifier near where the stain was."
Everyone must be demanded
Since that Shabbat, Dafna has conducted her struggle almost under the radar. She was not part of most organizations, except for Free Our Kids and other personal activities. She hardly reached the headquarters of the abductees throughout the entire period, and even at what happened there this week she continued to look from afar, involved but also not. From the outset, it was independent in the field.
You were not at the headquarters of the abductees.
"I wasn't at headquarters because from the first moment there was a lot of politics. There are the families of the abducted children, and the families of the soldiers and soldiers, and the women and men. And as far as I'm concerned, this whole distinction of agreeing to accept only these or only these is incomprehensible and unacceptable. When they say, 'We'll bring children back first,' then there's a mother whose child is a soldier, doesn't she deserve to see him at home? He is her child, and as far as she is concerned, he is part of the children who need to be returned. There was a family event this week, and it was hard for me.
Photo: Schneider Center Spokesperson's Office
"I felt it wasn't fair that Abigail was released and others weren't, it was hard for me to look the other families in the eye, like it wasn't fair what was happening. Don't get me wrong - when Abigail was released, I received amazing and moving messages from the families on my mobile, and I also sent messages, but still my feeling is that because of this distinction that is being made, that they don't demand that everyone be returned, I personally find it hard to look them in the eye.
"In general, I think the government failed in the way the deal was made. First of all - what is a 'deal'? Everyone there is souls, not objects. It shocks me to think that they are treated this way.
A child, a mother, a citizen, an elderly person - all souls that families await equally. We, as a family, did not attend any meetings with the government, neither privately nor through headquarters. We do not and will not have faith in the government, especially after Minister Yoav Galant, on his own initiative, twice arranged a personal meeting with my father at our home and did not come. We hope that the state will bear responsibility for the enormous damage they have done and will quickly return all the abductees."
Your experience in the United States, when you went to talk about Abigail, was powerful.
"When we arrived in New York, there were so many people waiting for us at the airport that we couldn't believe our eyes. People we don't know embrace, support and know every detail of Abigail's story. The next day I planned to come to the official meetings in a suit, and then in the morning I decided that I would put on the sweatshirt with Abigail's picture and the puck, and that's how I go to meetings. It had a huge impact. First of all, wherever I went, Abigail's picture spoke for itself. One congresswoman came up to me and even offered to adopt the children, saying she would take care of everything.
"There's no doubt that the fact that Abigail is an American citizen, and everything President Joe Biden has done in the media, has contributed tremendously. The hardest moment for me was when I came to speak to the American media and there were a lot of journalists there, and everyone gathered around me and knew every detail about Abigail's story. There I collapsed and started crying. The flight to New York was a great physical and mental effort for me."
Total loss of confidence
So in the last week they have a certain routine. The family wraps the children in love, and they actually get the mobilization of an entire country that offers help with everything. But when you talk to Dafna, you feel that a great catharsis will not be here, but mainly an attempt to pick up the pieces and see how we continue from here.
All the families of the abducted and missing note the fact that the House of Israel en masse enveloped them in love. In Abigail's case, it seems to have broken records.
"It's amazing to see, really. Not just this concern for children. People offer financial help, ask how they can donate and help, because they understand the difficulty involved. Even my parents come to people we don't know and ask them if they need help, and are willing to help in any way, not just financially. It's very exciting to see."
You seem to have become everyone's family, but you are experiencing your own loss. You've lost your closest brother.
"Of course I see Roy and Smadar through the children. This week Michael (Abigail's older brother) was at a Maccabi Tel Aviv game. He went up to the pitch with them, everyone sent me pictures, and I looked - and deleted. I recognized the sad look in his eyes and couldn't look at the pictures. Obviously the intentions were good, but it was a sad moment for those who knew Michael. My friends sent to praise me, I saw something else when I looked at these pictures.
"Roy was very afraid to live there." The funeral of the Idan couple, who were murdered in their home in the village of Gaza, photo: Liron Moldovan
"Michael is a sensitive child who suffered a lot in the past from sirens and missiles. His sister takes things differently than he does, but that was always the difference between them. Before what happened and after what happened. In that sense, Michael is very reminiscent of his father."
What do you mean?
"Roy was also very afraid to live there. He didn't want to live there, but Smadar's family was close to them. Her mother and sister were there next to them, and they helped them whenever they needed. It's a major consideration in life, I also don't leave my place because my parents are next to me. I realized in the month I wasn't home the importance of community, because I saw how everyone rallied to help me. In the end, these are the important things in life. I was very happy that Roi didn't live in the moshav," she smiles sadly, "because my parents were there for me. I myself didn't come to visit Roy at their house. When we met, it was always at my house, because I was afraid to come visit them there."
Why were you afraid? You also live in the south.
"I served there, in Nahal Oz. I had fears and nightmares to serve there. In the division I was considered the most cowardly, but I never imagined that what happened on Saturday could happen. They keep saying that they were murdered because they were the line of defense, that they were the ones guarding the country's borders. But they didn't guard the borders of the country, that wasn't their job, they were citizens who lived there. And because those who are supposed to guard the borders of the state did not do so, they were murdered. It wasn't the job of Roy and Smadar and the families who live there to protect the borders."
Do you think Smadar's family will go back to raising the children in Kfar Gaza?
"I don't think they'll go back to live there. I don't think most people will go back to live there. How is it possible? After everything they've been through, after what happened to the sense of security. Most of the people I've met, at least – not just in Kfar Gaza, in the area in general – say they won't return. Even as parents of three children, we lost the confidence to live here. The idea that they will have to enlist when the state does not see its soldiers as a supreme value is unacceptable."
With mixed feelings
Abigail, Michael and Amalia now live in Sharon with Aunt Liron, Smadar's sister, and her three children. The attempt to put a smile on Abigail's face after her time in hell began with a bagel and grape juice she requested at the hospital. She's already acting, sometimes laughing. The nights and days are not easy. They bring with them the difficulties and the reminder of the painful reality, the one that is going to be the reality of the new life that was formed for them out of the inferno of October 7.
Dafna: "Slowly we understand what they heard and what they saw there. They didn't talk about it directly, they talk about everything, but not about it. Until Hagar (who was kidnapped along with her children and Abigail) came and told us, we didn't even know if Abigail stayed with them or if they were separated. No one could give us this information. I told my children that Abigail had disappeared, but my clever boy told me that he had read everything online and that she had been kidnapped. He felt like he was the one telling me this for the first time."
Have you thought a little bit about you, your family, your extended family, what will life be like from now on?
"I can't look at these children without thinking about Roy and Smadar, but I will overcome. I am not deluding myself, we will be able to give these children everything - but only from Gimal. We will not be able to give them the alphabet, which is mother and father. In the end, before bedtime, there will always be someone to read them a story – but it won't be their mom and dad. Michael is still closed, as he has always been, and Amalia is more communicative, but it is enough to look at them and see this difficulty they are facing."
We, as a public, were glad it ended this way, but in your family the story is different.
"Of course. My parents are in a difficult situation. I'll give you an example: Roy and I would always accompany my father to his treatments. One time, Roy was late because he had photographs, and photography for him is something you don't give up. I thought to myself - how is he late? I was angry with him. Because photography does not reach? But he had this therapeutic side, sitting next to Dad for 12 hours if necessary. He will be missed in these places of parental care. After all, this is the natural way life is supposed to be, and how can you realize that it's not like that, that it's the other way around? I can't comprehend it, and I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon."
You continue to fight with all your might for the other abductees.
"No matter how much I try to separate my personal story from what's happening, I won't succeed. We must not leave anyone behind. We were optimistic, but our optimism was not based on anything. By the same token, our story could have ended differently. I think these mixed feelings characterize the whole country these days."
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