Warning: This week's column is privileged, petty and ungrateful, full of exaggerations and insignificant complaints about the whole world and its sister. It's important to note that many of my friends work in the television industry, and only some of them put their souls into Horcruxes. All of the above is based very freely on real events, and for the avoidance of doubt and in order to avoid aggravation - all the names have been changed and all the details have been changed. Except for those that don't.
16:50
The phone beeps:
Message: Hi Aya, this is Joash from the show "Talking About It", we heard your new song and liked it very much. We would love for you to come and stay with us for an interview and a performance of the song in the studio.
Me: Thank you very much for your invitation. When is it about?
Yoash: We'd love for you to come today.
Me: Today?! At what time?
Yoash: We broadcast every day between *too late* and *literally* another day.
Me: In Tel Aviv?
Yoash: No, in our studio where the rent is lower. It will be a cute and entertaining interview, we come to raise morale, a little boost to viewers at home. Phil Goode.
Me: Mmm...
Yoash: We'll send you a taxi.
Me: Come on, okay.
Yoash: Excellent! You will be contacted for further coordination.
18:15
The phone rings:
Researcher: Hi Aya, my name is Tzofar from "Talking About It", I called to do a short debriefing for your interview with us.
Me: Okay.
Horn: So tell me a little bit about you.
Me: Like... About the new song?
Horn: Oh, do you have a new song?
Me: Yes.
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Horn: First single? Excited?
Me: Oh... What?
Horn: How does it feel to start a career in music now in the middle of a war?
18:27
The phone rings:
Producer: Hi Aya, my name is a lighter, I'm from the production of "Talking About It", I understood that you were coming to us today. I want to arrange a taxi for you, where do you live?
Me: *Address*.
Lighter: Great, so you'll be ready in seven minutes. We want you to do a sound check before filming the three shows in front of us, and then from there we'll take you to makeup and wait in a small windowless room for four hours.
Me: I... Can't arrive that early.
Lighter: Okay, so we'll have 15 seconds to check sound during the commercial break. That would probably be enough. Please don't wear stripes or dots, it flickers on the screen. At 21pm you will be picked up by a very angry taxi driver. We won't see each other because I sleep at hours like this, so... Good luck!
20:55
6 year old: Mom?
Me: (Shit)
6 year old: What are you dressed for?
Me: I'm going to work. Why aren't you in bed?
6 years old: I don't want you to go.
Me: I'll be back really soon.
6 years old: *Lower lip starts vibrating*.
Me: But Daddy is here!
6 years old: ...
Me: My mami...
6 years old: ...
Me: I'll bring you a surprise when I come back.
6 years old (matter-of-fact): I want the Barbie we saw with the hair that changes colors.
21:02
The phone rings:
Other producer: Hey Aya, here's a joy from Talking About It, I just wanted to make sure you're on the taxi.
I (a passive smoker for a whole decade of upholstery cigarettes): Yes, yes.
Joy: Excellent, see you.
21:33
Powder room:
A makeup artist who isn't paid enough: Please sit down, what do you like?
Me: Most natural. Allow for a little more silhouette. Another drop. More. Some more. Beauty.
Makeup artist who isn't paid enough: Too bad you stopped with the music, I really liked hearing you. What did you come to talk about on the show?
Joy: Aya, you're coming up, right after the press conference.
22:41
Press conference:
Bibi: I did things. But only the good things. I didn't do the bad things.
Journalist: Mr. Prime Minister, but what do you say about the bad things?
Bibi: I didn't do them. But yes, I did the good things.
Journalist: Thank you very much.
23:54
Bench next to coffee corner:
Joy: Hey Aya, be ready to go up.
Me: I didn't sleep!
23:59
Ex-Galatz 1 host: And now Aya Korem is with us, with a new song.
Me: Ahlen!
Presenter Galatz 2: It's good that you wrote a new song, I don't like the old ones. Fichs.
Galatz 1 host: Unfortunately we're running out of time, so let's play the subtitles as if you're an organist in a Russian restaurant. Good night.
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