Sexologist Ana Lombardía advises that parents approach conversations about sex with their children honestly.
If we had to choose a topic of conversation that is a headache for parents, it would probably be sex and everything that it entails.
And for this reason, talking about it is often delayed at home, a conversation that can become a little more complicated if it is done when the children are already teenagers.
This is stated by Ana Lombardía (Madrid, 38 years old), a sexologist who has been performing sexual and couples therapy for more than 10 years, in addition to giving numerous conferences and sexual dissemination workshops for adults.
The gender equality monitor at the Sexpol Foundation – an organization that works for university training with a gender perspective and therapeutic advice – considers that sex is still a taboo topic: “The majority of people who come to my consultation have feelings such as fear, guilt and insecurity.
Some even come to believe that they are strange, and feel tremendous discomfort for not knowing how to deal with the problem.”
“I think it is essential to address these issues with the naturalness and simplicity that they deserve,” continues the well-being and sexual health advisor for erotic toy brands such as We Vibe.
“In this way we manage to resolve the difficulties that arise in an easy and direct way,” she adds.
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How to approach sexual education at home?
With confidence, calm conversations and listening to the children
If it is sometimes difficult to talk to an adult about one's own sexuality, facing this issue with children can be even more complicated because many parents do not know how to approach it: "The conversation during adolescence usually comes late and the kids tend to be quite reticent. to talk to parents about sex,” says Lombardía.
“Sometimes it works better with them to give them information indirectly, for example, by watching some series or movies together and commenting on a scene.”
The expert gives other ideas: leaving books or educational pamphlets within her reach or causing her to inadvertently listen to conversations of adults who may be a reference for her (such as uncles or older cousins).
To make talking about sex with your children easier, it is best to provide sex education from childhood because it is essential for the personal development of any individual.
For Lombardía, it is essential that the child learns to establish healthy relationships: “To bond with respect;
to understand love;
to understand and know her body and that of others.
Furthermore, it is essential that he learns about pleasure, about limits... If the foundations in this aspect are laid well, we will be building the foundation of sexually healthy adults."
But for this expert, sexual education should be a topic that is addressed, transversally, throughout life: “From beginning to know the parts of the body by their name and not with a diminutive (penis instead of tail, for example) to stressing that you don't have to give a kiss or a hug if you don't want to.
All of these issues are crucial.”
The psychologist emphasizes that when faced with a conversation about sexuality, parents must always respond honestly and sincerely and directly and clearly to their children's questions: “Even when parents do not know the answer, they can openly recognize it and search for answers. the solution together in a trusted book, for example.”
Parents have to ensure, especially in adolescence, that their children know that they can talk to them about sex.eyecrave productions (Getty Images)
“Parents have to ensure, especially in adolescence, that their children know that, if they need it, they can talk to them about sex and that if they screw up something, they will be there to help them with whatever they need without judging.” nor scold,” he continues.
Furthermore, for the sexologist, parents must also understand that sexual orientation is not something that is chosen: “It is something that one simply is.”
Therefore, as she reports, the only way to deal with it is to accept it, with affection and love, without trying to change it: “They may not fully understand it, they may not even share it, but it is not always necessary.
Acceptance implies respect.”
The importance of being informed to talk about sex with your children
“To talk to someone, anyone, it is essential that we do it in the same language,” says Lombardía, “if we do not share a common vocabulary or jargon, it will be difficult for us to reach an understanding.”
The expert explains that all new generations develop their own terminology, and not only in terms of sexuality: “To understand it we can directly ask our children, the teaching staff at the study center, or search for lists of words on the Internet.
Fortunately, this resource already exists.”
Although Lombardía recognizes that there is increasing awareness about the importance of talking to children about sexuality, she fears that parents still lack many tools to be able to face these issues from home: “At the end of the day, we are a generation of fathers and mothers who have had zero, scant or negligent sexual education, so it is very difficult for us to now be able to exercise that super-well education.”
As the sexologist explains, to try to solve this, Lovehoney Group and its brand We Vibe, which she has been advising professionally for years, have created a guide to help families talk about sexuality: “It is structured by age groups, because sexual education at 7 years old is not the same as at 14″.
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A post shared by Ana Lombardía - sexologist (@lombardiaana)
Last September, the sexual well-being company We Vibe published this statement, prepared from a survey in which 14,816 men and women from 11 countries participated (Germany, Australia, Canada, Spain, United States, France, Hong Kong, Japan, United Kingdom, Singapore and Switzerland).
Although the final results are pending publication, among the findings obtained from this international questionnaire it is worth highlighting that more than 39% of parents confessed that the idea of talking about masturbation or sex with their sons and daughters made them feel uncomfortable.
On the contrary, 33% of parents dare to address these delicate topics, as reported in a press release.
Based on the conclusions, the sexual well-being company developed a manual by ages from 3 to 18 years to talk to children about sex, and indicated some topics:
From 3 to 7 years.
The guide advises presenting sexuality as something soft, using age-appropriate language and talking about intimacy and consent, among other issues.
From 8 to 12. Experts suggest that at this stage you talk to them about puberty and bodily changes;
about the importance of personal hygiene, how to achieve healthy relationships or address the unrealistic image of pornography.
From 12 to 15. It is proposed to talk with them about masturbation without prejudice;
of safe sexual practices;
of contraceptive methods and, above all, seeking information from reliable sources.
From 16 to 18 years old.
They propose that the best thing is to promote autonomy, talk about abuse of themselves and others, sexual diversity or that sexual pleasure is something normal and healthy.
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