Sometimes, adults, without being aware, make comments to minors about their physical appearance, such as: “You've got so many pimples” or “You're getting very chubby, you have to take care of yourself.”
These types of messages, even though most are done without malice or seem harmless, can have a negative impact on the mental health and self-esteem of minors.
They can also lead them to suffer from insecurity and socialization problems, as well as complexes.
Body image is very important in the development of self-concept, especially in adolescence, which is when individual identity begins to develop.
“With these types of comments we are telling children and adolescents that we do not accept them and that society is not going to do it either,” explains Patricia Ramírez (53 years old, Zaragoza), popularizer, actress and also one of the most influential psychologists. from Spain—he has more than 610,000 followers on his Instagram profile—.
“In this way we are educating them on a superficial and wrong scale of values,” continues the author of books such as
Somos Fuerza
(Grijalbo, 2021) or
Count on You
(Conecta, 2016), among others.
More information
Patricia Gutiérrez, clinical psychologist: “Values are the basis of well-being, internal security and emotional stability of children”
ASK.
How should parents act when a minor makes a derogatory comment about their physical appearance?
ANSWER.
It depends on the age of the minor, but it would be advisable to ask what the reason is, without denying reality and accepting that there are parts of our body that we may not like, but that does not mean that we have to change it or that it makes us less attractive.
Explain to the child that a person's attractiveness is not their physical appearance, but their values: our ability to connect with others, to understand them, to be generous, good people, to have a sense of humor.
We must accept that there are things about ourselves that we do not like and that we may never like, but that cannot determine our security, because what makes a person attractive is a component of many other things.
Our physical appearance is not what defines us as people.
Q.
What impact can comments from adults about their physique have on minors?
A.
The impact can be high, so we must eliminate them, not only the parents, but all the people who are part of the minor's family environment (uncles, older cousins, grandparents, etc.).
We cannot prevent a child from not liking himself and making comments, but we can prevent him from making criticisms about her body.
Our children can never feel judged for the body they have.
These types of comments seriously affect self-esteem, cause them to become obsessed and may develop an eating disorder.
To promote self-concept and self-esteem, we must give our children absolute acceptance of how they are, says psychologist Patricia Ramírez.
Ariel Skelley (Getty Images)
Q.
How can you promote your children's self-concept or self-esteem?
A.
To promote self-concept and self-esteem, what we have to convey to our children is an absolute acceptance of how they are, how they think and how they are in the world, with their physical appearance, respecting their ideas, their choices, always and when they don't put their lives in danger.
It's about respecting their way of thinking, listening and attending to their needs.
Simply accept them as they are, not as we would like them to be.
It is also very important to accompany all this from a very young age, with an education in values.
In this way they learn that the value of the person is intrinsic, that the person has value in and of themselves and that what makes us valuable are those behaviors related to honesty, authenticity, generosity, and humility.
That is, that scale of values that helps us behave in a loving, respectful and polite way in the world.
Q.
How can children be made aware of the importance of respecting differences?
A.
The way to educate about difference simply requires starting with ourselves, being an example, stopping making comments like: “Look how fat the neighbor has gotten.”
We must convey that in life there are different realities, different types of families and people, and that we are all different, whether because of our religion, our race or our personality components.
We all also have different abilities, we all deserve to be respected.
It is important to convey to minors the need to take care of ourselves and value ourselves, banishing the idea of achieving a perfect body, accepting our defects, without being ashamed of them.
Be aware that the opinions of others are just opinions and that we cannot let ourselves be carried away by them.
Try to make the people who hurt you understand that you did not ask for that type of opinion and that they should spare it.
Through example, fathers and mothers can teach minors to build a society where there is greater respect, educate in the value and recognition of difference, because the habit of referring to the body in a normalized way can be very harmful. .
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