The chronicle of a death foretold.
Although the intention with which many invest time and money in going to a couples therapist is to fix a marriage or courtship that is hanging by a thread and there is a myth, encouraged by popular culture, that this is possible, the reality is that this does not always end up being like this.
“You don't do couples therapy to save the relationship at all costs,” says Ángel Guillen, managing partner of Psicopartner.
“But sometimes the relationship is so destroyed or there is so much resistance on the part of one or both members that it is very difficult to resolve it,” says the psychologist specializing in couples therapy and sexologist at the Instituto Centta psychology office, Silvia Cintrano.
Cintrano affirms that many other times therapy serves to finish taking the step of breaking up because it is carried out as a last resort.
This is what is known as the last cartridge effect: if it doesn't work, everything is over.
The problem, says Cintrano, is that this last solution usually arrives too late.
The psychologist María Moragón remembers that throughout her experience she has encountered many couples for whom therapy has helped them end their relationship, and that this is not bad by any means: “They are relationships that have not worked for a long time.” time, neither of the parties was happy, but they alone were not capable of finishing it,” he says.
Psychoanalyst Bruno Betelheim agrees: “The couple sometimes goes to therapy so that the therapist gives them permission to implement a decision they have already made.”
There are many reasons why a couple may take the step of going to therapy, but most, experts say, can be summed up in one: stop being unhappy.
“This lack of harmony in the relationship can be due to infidelities, differences in feelings between the couple, problems with families, making big decisions or overcoming a conflict,” explains Moragón.
Familiando psychologist Patricia Gutiérrez expresses herself along the same lines, stating that some of the most common variables she has treated are the deficit in communication and the lack of expressive resources and skills to solve problems.
The final objective in couples therapy, specialists remember, is that both people manage to connect each of the members with their individual well-being and emotional stability, and that they do so either by rebuilding their bond or, if applicable, breaking it. definitely.
The health psychologist and psychotherapist at the Guide Center for Psychotherapy and Psychology of Madrid Raquel Tomé López suggests that the key to therapy, on the other hand, is “creating a safe space to explore and understand a little further what happens to patients.” as a couple".
Thus, he explains, they gain the ability to reflect on themselves and their psychological mechanisms: “They learn to put a head on what was initially only emotional, especially when the feelings are as uncontrollable as they can be in a relationship.” ”says Tomé.
Although it is logical that couples request this type of external help only when problems arise between them and they are not able to solve them, it is also common that when the situation is resolved they stop coming.
Experts recommend, however, maintaining reinforcement sessions from time to time: "It helps to consolidate objectives in a more favorable emotional situation, which is much more effective, or to seek individual therapy to face the breakup of the relationship."
Because, whatever the popular stories say, nowhere is it written that the best thing that can always happen to two people is that they stay together forever.
Given its confidential nature, there is no official data on how many couples attend therapy per year in Spain.
However, of the 100,000 marriages that separate annually, according to data from the National Institute of Statistics, the experts consulted for this report say that, in their experience, very few do so.
And there is a whole generation of young people who are little by little getting rid of the taboo that has always existed in Spain around asking a therapist for help: “In recent years, I have seen a great growth in demand.” of couples therapy, especially among young couples, between 23 and 30 years old.
It is also common for middle-aged couples, between 30 and 45 years old, to attend, and for older couples, between 45 and 60 years old, to come pushed by their children.
Some reserve the first appointment for them,” explains Moragón.
On the other hand, scientists in the US have demonstrated a certain effectiveness of couples therapy in those relationships that still have time to give themselves another chance.
According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, three out of four couples who attend therapy admit improvement in their relationship.
“It was found that between 70% and 73% of couples recover from the anguish that makes them go to therapy.
They usually do it in the first 10 to 12 sessions,” says the report.
These data coincide with those of the Psicopartner Institute, which says that 77% of patients from 256 treatments who attended couples therapy managed to solve their problems and were successfully discharged in 2023. However, it must be taken into account that These data come from institutions interested in the very existence of couples therapy that should endorse its effectiveness.