For the past month, the actor Yadin Gelman has been traveling around the United States on an advocacy and fund-raising campaign for the State of Israel. A military patrol fighter in the reserves, who three months ago saw death in front of his eyes when he was seriously injured on October 7, was supposed to rest and recover - but Gelman is not ready to stop .
Still, this interview, which took place on the day when 24 soldiers were killed in 24 hours in Gaza, manages to undermine him.
Just before the new movie "The Conductors", Yadin Gelman talks about everything // Reporter: Ortal Cohen, photography: Moshe Ben Simhon
"So many soldiers were killed, and the late Yair Meir also passed away, father of the late David (Major David Meir, a patrol fighter of the Defense Forces who fell with Gelman by his side; AS).
These events make me feel like I'm failing where I put my energy," he says painfully. "It's clear to me that it's not true, that I'm doing something very important that really brings about change, but when something big happens in Israel - the feeling that you're not in the right place haunts you." .
Is this a recurring feeling for you lately?
"Yes. Two months ago, the military attaché in Washington invited me to speak before the generals of the US Army, and the heads of the CIA and the FBI.
It was a big and impressive event.
That evening they had a meeting with President Biden, and the next morning the US vetoed the UN vote for a ceasefire.
We were really happy, I felt like I was really making a difference, but the evening after six of my friends were injured.
"I left everything and started going to the airport to return to Israel. I felt that I was missing out on what was important. That I am in the US, thinking that I am doing something good, but my friends in Israel are injured in the war.
The only reason I didn't come back is because Edua (his partner Edua Dadon, a journalist for News 12; AS) called to reassure me. She told me that everyone was fine. I went back to the hotel and flew the next day, as planned."
"No time for questions"
A few months earlier, in a completely different reality, Yadin Gelman's 30th birthday celebrations turned from a happy moment into a very scary moment.
From the top of the world, with his beloved and his close friends, on a careful and invested weekend - to the most significant and difficult war in which he participated, on the first day of which he was seriously injured and lost his close friend.
"We planned a weekend from October 6 to 8," he recalled.
"Everything was ticking, until the moment when Adwa woke me up on Saturday morning and said that a war had broken out. I looked at the phone and saw that we had already been jumped. Some of my team members were on my birthday, and we just got in the cars and left. We switched to war mode in a second."
There is no time to think at such moments.
"There is no time, and no questions are asked either. We took our bags and drove to the unit. We kept up to date with the news the whole way, and the couples who weren't kicked out stayed there and followed us."
What was the last thing you said to Edva?
"I kissed her, and I told her thank you for the happiest day of my life. It was my farewell sentence. She got in the car and drove to cover, and I to fight."
"I felt she saved my life."
With his partner Edva Dadon, photo: from the private album
Were there also bad thoughts at this moment?
"Yes, you don't know where you're going and what could happen, so difficult thoughts also pass. I remember that I really wanted to stop and kiss her, so that we could have this good moment before we parted."
"Before we left on my birthday for the war, I kissed Adwa and told her thank you. I remember that I really wanted to stop and kiss her, so that we could have this good moment. She got in the car and drove to cover, and I to fight"
Gelman will never forget the road to Kibbutz Kfar Gaza, the first place where he fought on October 7.
"We were driving on Route 232 a little after everything started, and the whole road is full of bodies," he describes.
"It was a shocking sight, the kind you see and don't believe what you see. We drove in a slalom between corpses, and on both sides completely burned vehicles or vehicles in which people had been slaughtered."
What did you see when you arrived in Kfar Gaza?
"Hell. Everything was burning, shots and explosions. Not something that can be described in words."
After fighting in Kfar Gaza, Gelman's team was jumped to Kibbutz Bari, which was also infiltrated by dozens of terrorists.
During the fighting in Bari he received four bullets and was seriously injured.
"At first I didn't realize they shot me," he recalled.
"I realized that something had happened, but I didn't really understand what. I was with David, who was also wounded, so I pushed him under the house, so that he could take shelter there, and I joined him. I lay there and pointed my weapon in the direction of the stairs, because I thought that in a few minutes terrorists would come out and run." finish the job', but they didn't leave."
When did you realize you were injured?
"When I tried to move and saw that I couldn't, I realized that I was seriously injured."
To lie wounded in an area full of terrorists, when you know that at any moment your end can come - fear of God.
"The only reason I wasn't afraid is because I had a weapon, and I knew that if a terrorist came - I could shoot him. I don't want to say that I was in control, because you can never know completely, certainly not when you are wounded and full of terrorists around, but relatively I felt in control of This situation".
What about the pain?
"I tried to move and see where I could move forward, but I couldn't, because my left side hurt terribly. It's a moment when you don't want to touch an injury and tell yourself that you're seriously injured, because you simply prefer not to know. Only after things calmed down in the field did I start touching my injuries and understand what the situation is."
What did you understand?
"I felt that I had a bullet hole in my chest, and I realized that my lung had been hit, which is a bad sign. Later I had no choice, I touched the area of my hand and felt that there was an open lump and that I was losing lots and lots of blood. I really felt it flowing out. The realization at that moment was That I lost my hand and that it was amputated, and that's also what I reported in the connection."
Did you also have thoughts of death, or did you try to remain optimistic?
"I was sure I was going to die. At one point they tried to rescue us, but because there were crazy amounts of terrorists there, three soldiers who were on their way to rescue us injured themselves. After they failed to reach me I realized that it was very difficult to reach us. I lay there, I lost amounts of blood and I realized that I was going to die. I looked under the house, at the bushes, at the stairs and at the sand, and I said to myself: 'This is the last thing you are going to see in life.'
"On the other hand, I constantly felt that I wanted to survive, keep my eyes open and hold the weapon. I thought a lot about Adva, and that if I made one mistake in my life - it was that I didn't marry her and have children with her. I really remember a moment of disappointment in myself that I didn't marry her. Wait of sorrow".
"Because of the crazy numbers of the terrorists, three soldiers who were on their way to rescue us were injured themselves. I lay there, looked at the bushes and the sand, and said to myself: 'This is the last thing you're going to see in your life.'"
You are a former religious, did you also have a moment with God?
"No, there was no moment with God. Not even in moments of silence. I didn't pray, I didn't ask, and I didn't make promises that if I survived I would do this and that. I didn't want to waste a moment on something that wasn't the most important thing to me."
did you cry
"No, I don't think I had the physical strength to cry. I held myself back so briefly. I lost a lot of blood and energy, so what was left I aimed at a few fingers on the weapon. At one point we barely even managed to talk."
Recently we hear about many soldiers who write wills before they go into battle. Did you have one like this?
"I write a lot, but I didn't have a will, simply because I didn't have time to think. We were in the middle of a party and we folded into the war. There wasn't a moment to stop to think or write."
"It's strange that he's not here"
During all these long hours Gelman was with his best friend the late David Meir, who was injured with him and did not survive. Together they lay wounded, bleeding, trying to help each other.
"David was in a difficult situation, but we had many conversations about 'we'll get out of here.'
What else did you talk about there?
"About the injuries themselves. We updated each other to understand if we could do something for each other. Most of the conversations and sentences were 'we'll be fine', 'we'll get out of here', 'don't worry'. At some point it turned into parting words. He asked To say in connection that he loves his wife Anat and his son Shaked, and that he is sorry."
Did you also break up with Ada?
"I said goodbye to my wife first, and then David asked me to say goodbye to his wife and son as well, but I told him to say them himself, in his own voice. What haunts me until now is that I didn't insist that he say anything more than that, so that I would have something to convey to them. After that I woke up in the hospital, when his family came to visit me, they asked me to remember other things he said, and I didn't have this last thing to give the family."
Major (res.) David Meir, the late, photo: IDF spokesman
When did you find out he didn't survive?
"I realized right there that it was hopeless. When I woke up, I immediately called my commander to check on him, because I knew he was in a very serious condition. We were injured on Saturday, but I don't remember Sunday and Monday, and on Tuesday was his funeral, which I couldn't make it to." .
How did you react when you heard he was killed?
"I had a very strong feeling that he didn't survive it. Even on the way to the hospital, when they told me to 'take care of yourself,' I knew that something bad had happened. It was too much of a reality. What I felt was going to happen, but I really didn't want to happen, happened. ".
Do you remember those moments even today?
"I see it all the time. How he was lying, which way he was looking. It's impossible not to."
"The late David asked me to say farewell words to his wife and son, but I told him to say them himself, in his own voice.
What haunts me is that I didn't insist that he say anything more than that.
I didn't have that last thing to give his family."
miss him
"I talk about him all the time, so I feel like he's still with me. Mostly it's strange to me that it's real that he's not here."
While he was seriously wounded, IDF forces arrived at Gelman and evacuated him to Soroka Hospital in Be'er Sheva.
"Already in the field, they opened my chest and did a 'troker' (lung drainage) to remove the blood from the lung," he says.
"If they hadn't done that, as soon as the helicopter took off I would probably have died. That's what saved me. They stabilized me in Soroka, and from there they transferred me to Ichilov."
How did you feel when you saw Adwa for the first time?
"That's where I cried for the first time. It was really hard for me to open my eyes, and most of the time I had my eyes closed, but I really remember the touch of her hand. I remember her entering the room. Quite strangely, as she arrived I told her what happened, what we saw and what we did I probably needed her to open up what I went through, to get it out of me for the first time."
How did she react?
"It was very difficult for her to see me in this condition. I was defined as human, with almost no blood in my body and with a severe injury on my left side. I looked and felt on my face, but she functioned in an extraordinary way."
Gelman in the hospital after the injury, photo: from the private album
Did you tell her what you were thinking when you were lying wounded in the field?
"I told immediately, because I felt that she saved my life, thanks to which I stayed there with my eyes open. I had a moment in the helicopter when I really felt like I was dying. It was a stage when I no longer felt the pain and began to release, but this release is not good, it is the opposite of what It had to be done. My friend from the team who was holding my hand slapped me in the face, and I just opened my eyes in an instant. I had a moment of death."
Now that the hard part is behind you, has it accelerated the desire to settle down and start a family?
"Very. We are deep in the war, but I believe it will happen right after it ends."
"When Edva arrived at the hospital I cried for the first time. I really remember the touch of her hand. When she arrived I told her what we saw and what we did. I probably needed her to be able to get it out of me for the first time"
"want to move on"
Yadin Gelman is a character made up of many contrasts and worlds.
The gentle look and the actor who searches for meaning in art - opposite the rugged warrior from a military patrol, the yeshiva student who went out with a question one evening, but does not forget God, and who also left Jerusalem and arrived in Tel Aviv.
He was born in Jerusalem to Yosef and Keren, grew up in a religious family and attended the Derech Avot yeshiva, a high school yeshiva in Efrat.
"When you are a child who grew up in Jerusalem during the intifada and your life is full of terrorist attacks, you understand that there is a big and difficult event here," he says.
"It gave me the understanding that we are always under real threat, and need to protect ourselves and our country. A kind of loop where we are constantly under threat and attacks from within and without, but which resets you and makes you realize that you must protect your country. This is why I got into it at a very young age ".
how young
"At the age of 14, I just started training for the army every day. I trained, I changed my diet, I was 'on it' 100 percent. That's all I was interested in at that time."
After graduating from the yeshiva, he continued for another year at the pre-military preparatory school "Hamad", and from there to the most elite unit in the IDF, the Defense Forces patrol, where he served for seven years and became an inseparable part of it.
"I enlisted in 2012 and was released in 2019," he says.
"In those years there was the return of brothers, Tsuk Eitan and the 'Nakba Day' events. I fought in all of them, and they are difficult events that are etched in my memory. At Tsuk Eitan I lost a good friend from high school, the late Sgt. Yuval Hayman."
Why did you quit and not continue?
"After the events of 'Nakba Day' I realized that I had finished my role in the army. I always told myself that I would stay in the army until I felt that my mission was over. That is, that I would continue in the army until I knew that I had given everything I had to give - and so it was. I reached a point where I had to decide whether to sign for Sheva More years, or to be released. I'm proud of what I did, but I knew I wanted to move on."
"At the age of 14, I just started training for the army every day."
In service in a patrol of the General Staff, photo: from the private album
The significant turn in his life began even before he was released, when in the last year of his military service he decided to enroll in an acting course in front of a camera.
"If I hadn't fallen in love with it, I would have signed up and continued in the army," he says.
How does a fighter in an elite unit decide to go study acting?
"I knew I wanted to deal with art, but I didn't know in what direction or branch of art. The first time I thought about studying acting was before I enlisted, thinking that it was probably the medium that most people deserved. I felt that I wanted to tell many stories, and that this was the place for me, but at the same time This period was a dream that I buried deep in a drawer, because I knew that above all I wanted to enlist and do my best in the army.
"When I had to decide whether to be discharged or continue, I realized that I was nearing the end of the military course, and I knew it was my time to try the artistic course. Even before I was discharged, I received special permission from the commander to take a course in front of a camera. He probably thought I would say 'thank you very much' and return to the army, but after When I took the first lesson, I fell in love with it."
How did the friends in the army and at home react?
"Everyone thought I was joking, but as soon as I decided it was happening, there was no objection. My team didn't think I was serious, they told me I was grumpy, but as soon as I was released and really started studying - everyone supported me."
Did the exit process in question happen at the same time?
"Many things caused me to come out with a question. Throughout my teenage years I had many questions about things that happened in the world that seemed illogical to me. Things that managed to undermine the world and my faith."
like what?
"For example, a three-month-old baby girl who was murdered in an attack, or innocent and innocent boys who were murdered. I remember hearing about it and trying to understand what lesson God is trying to convey to us.
I had a lot of questions, and the answer I always heard was that you have to believe in God, and that's an answer I wasn't ready to accept."
"I went to study acting because I wanted to explore myself and the world of art. To come out with a question is to check what your truth is, and for me studying acting is also moving in the same direction. These are the two best decisions I made for my path in life"
When did you actually start dating?
"When I arrived in the army, I met secular friends for the first time. It was the period of the route, and most of the time I was without a phone. The only time with a phone is on Shabbat, and if you are religious you don't have that either. In retrospect, I understand that during the service there was hardship upon hardship upon hardship, and when in the background I realized it's not something I believe in and am willing to sacrifice for it - I just stopped saving it."
Do you remember the first Shabbat you didn't keep?
"Obviously. During the route, on Friday evening, everyone saw a movie and I was sitting in the room. I remember being in a crazy dilemma, because in my perception in those days, the whole story was that if you're religious you keep, or if you're not religious then you don't keep. Everything was black Or white, there's no middle ground. After a few moments of deliberation, I just turned on the phone, and I really remember seeing the Apple apple appear on the screen. I left the room, met a friend and told him, 'That's it, I'm secular.'"
When did you take off the cap?
"That evening I took off the kippah. I just stopped everything in one day. I'm that kind of person, it suits me very well."
Everyone who asks the question imagines the lightning that comes down from the sky and burns him as soon as he desecrates Shabbat, do you know the feeling?
"When you've been raised religious all your life and don't know anything else, coming out with a question is a very intense step. After I took off the kippah, I looked up, and I said to myself: 'Surely in a moment lightning will hit me on the spot'. I was sure that this is what was going to happen."
You received your acting studies at home with understanding, how did you react to going out with the question?
"I told gradually. At first I said I was thinking about it, and in the second step I told that I had done it. It was a difficult time in the family, because it was the first time that someone took a step that really deviated from the path in which we were brought up and raised."
Did they try to prevent you from the process?
"They didn't send me to a rabbi or anything like that, but there were conversations in which they claimed that it was a whim that would pass, or some kind of 'break' in life. I, for my part, tried to explain that it was not my decision. In the conversations with the parents, there were many statements about the legacy of my grandparents mine, and also saying that to a 20-year-old boy who came out with the question was very intense. I mean, not only will God shine down on you, but also grandparents are angry with you from above."
Could you understand their difficulty?
"It took me many years to understand this. Only in acting school did I fully understand their pain. In one of the classes we had a parenting exercise, and the task was to come as one of your parents, dressed and behaving accordingly. I came as my father, and the conversation started with light words and laughter, but Little by little she moved to personal places, and only there did I understand their side.
"When I decided to go out with the question, the feeling was, 'You will accept me as I am and we will move on.' him from my life'".
Do you believe in God today?
"One of the first things I did as a secular person was to eat a cheeseburger. I didn't fast, I didn't keep kosher, I wanted to try everything and I went for it to the end. But in recent years I started to notice that I look up more and believe that there is something bigger than us. Today I am closer to religion than That I thought I would be, also because of the war and everything that happened here recently. Life brought me back to believing, but for years I didn't believe in anything."
A lot of people come out with the question, they still make sure not to eat pork. how is it with you
"I remember flying with friends to ski in France, and one evening we were sitting in a restaurant and I ordered ribs, but before that I made sure it wasn't pork. It was the tastiest thing I've ever eaten, but then my friend looked at me and said: 'You know it's pork.' I just saw black. I passed out on the spot and fell on the floor. My friends held my legs in the air.
"זה היה רגע שבו הרגשתי שאלוהים דפק לי סטירה לפנים שהעיפה אותי. משהו עמוק כל כך בפסיכולוגיה שלנו, שהגוף שלי ממש קרס. היום אני לא שומר כשרות, ולא מפריע לי לאכול חלב ובשר ביחד, אבל אני לא אוכל חזיר ופירות ים".
אתה חושב שיש קשר בין היציאה בשאלה ללימודי המשחק?
"זה בעיקר קשר של חיפוש עצמי. לענות לעצמי מי אני, במה אני מאמין ומה אני רוצה לעשות. הלכתי ללמוד משחק כי רציתי לחקור את עצמי, וגם את עולם האמנות. לצאת בשאלה זה לבדוק מה האמת שלך, ומבחינתי גם לימודי המשחק צועדים באותו הכיוון. ללמוד משחק ולצאת בשאלה אלה ההחלטות הכי טובות שקיבלתי לדרך שלי בחיים".
"אחד מהדברים הראשונים שעשיתי כחילוני היה לאכול צ'יזבורגר. הלכתי על זה עד הסוף. בשנים האחרונות אני מסתכל למעלה ומאמין שיש משהו גדול מאיתנו. החיים החזירו אותי להאמין, אבל שנים לא האמנתי בכלום"
את לימודי המשחק בחר גלמן לעשות אצל יורם לוינשטיין, אחד מבתי הספר הטובים בארץ, שממנו יצאו כמה מהשחקנים הגדולים בישראל. כמו בשירות הצבאי, גם בלימודי המשחק הוא כיוון גבוה - ופגע.
"אני מודה שלא ידעתי כלום על העולם הזה, או איזה בית ספר נחשב טוב או איכותי", הוא מספר. "הסיבה היחידה שהגעתי ליורם היא כי המורה שהכינה אותי למונולוגים אמרה לי כל הזמן שהיא מכינה אותי ליורם. הגעתי לשם כי זה המקום היחיד שהכרתי, ואולי זה שבאתי בלי לחץ עזר לי להתקבל".
"תמיד גם וגם"
מאז לימודיו הוא שיחק בטלוויזיה ("פלמ"ח", "נעלמים", "8200"), בקולנוע ("תמונת ניצחון", "וארגום ביי") ובתיאטרון ("חמש דקות ארוכות", "את שאהבה נפשי"), ובימים אלה הוא מככב בסרט "המנצחים", שביים אלירן פלד, שיגיע למסכים ב־8 בפברואר. בסרט הוא מגלם את שלמה מגריל, שנפל בקרב על גבעת התחמושת תוך שהציל ממוות את החובש שנפצע קשה.
"אני משחק בן קיבוץ שמאבד את החברים וחווה פוסט־טראומה". בסרט "המנצחים", צילום: סער מזרחי, באדיבות סרטי יונייטד קינג
"כל הסרט הזה הוא פשוט לא ייאמן מבחינת איך שהוא מתכתב עם מה שקורה במדינה", הוא מספר. "בסרט אנחנו מנצחים במלחמה שכולם חוזרים ממנה עם פוסט־טראומה, ובניסיון לשקם את החברויות שנהרסו לפניה".
איפה הוא תפס אותך ברמה האישית?
"בהתמודדות עם המלחמות, החברויות והפוסט־טראומה. הרצון של אלירן הבמאי היה לכסות את כל הקשיים בנצנצים, וברמה האישית, מכל המלחמות שעברתי - פתאום אני בעולם המשחק והזוהר".
שנינו יודעים שהוא לא באמת כל כך זוהר.
"וזה מחזק את מה שאני אומר, שאנחנו מנסים להציג כלפי חוץ תמונה שהיא לא באמת כזאת".
"'המנצחים' הוא סרט שפשוט לא ייאמן איך הוא מתכתב עם מה שקורה במדינה. בסרט אנחנו מנצחים במלחמה שכולם חוזרים ממנה עם פוסט־טראומה, ובניסיון לשקם את החברויות שנהרסו לפניה"
מהן השאיפות שלך בקריירה?
"בארץ אני רוצה לכתוב ולביים. לאחרונה קיבלתי תקציב לסרט קצר שלי. בעולם המשחק, השאיפה היא להגיע להוליווד".
ב"המנצחים" זו לא הפעם הראשונה שאתה משחק לוחם, אתה לא חושש שזה יקבע אותך?
"In Israel we deal with either ultra-Orthodox or fighters, and in my case it turned out that I played a fighter. If I played the fighting soldier in an action movie, I would get upset over it every time, but in 'The Winners' I am not seen too much as a soldier, and there are no fighting scenes. I act A kibbutz member who loses his friends and experiences post-trauma, not action. In the play 'You Loved My Soul' I absorb four bullets, and this is exactly what happened in reality."
You mention the subject of post-trauma that comes up in the film. Is this something you know personally?
"I am a post-traumatic soldier who has been dealing with the effects of the battles for years. Ever since Cuk Eitan I wake up from things and dream about things that happened or are related to the war. The whole issue of post-trauma is something that has really increased in me recently."
How it manifests itself?
"The lack of rest that you constantly have in your head, the reenactment of the battle, the moment you were wounded, the thoughts of what you could have done differently, the images of the people who were wounded next to you. My friend who was lying next to me was wounded and passed away from his wounds. I keep replaying it in my head. Even now, when I talk to you , everything floats. And it makes sense, because we're talking about it, but even on a daily basis I find myself replaying how I ran, how I reacted, where I was shot at and what I could have done better. I keep going over the battle on October 7th in my head . It's so fresh, and I'm all mobilized into the war, that I keep running it through my head."
On the one hand, you experienced a very difficult event from which you miraculously escaped, and on the other hand - you talk about it from a place that sounds healthy and that understands what he experienced, but you also describe post-trauma.
"As part of the fundraiser in the US, I talked to students, and they asked me exactly that.
I think because the event is so fresh I am so disconnected from it.
My body has disconnected it from everything that is happening and everything I've been through, because right now I have to raise funds, but I know that the day will come and everything will fall on me, and then I no longer know what I'll do."
Are you afraid of this day?
"You know when you know something bad is going to happen and you don't know when? That's the feeling. I have nothing to do with it or how to avoid it."
are you a patient
"Sure. I started treatment back when I was a soldier, in 2018, and since then I have been treated through the Ministry of Defense."
What happened then, that it was there that you felt you needed treatment?
"It was a time when they were trying to break through the fence from Gaza. The terrorists were constantly throwing incendiary balloons and shooting at us, and they would put a line of children in front, followed by older children, followed by the women and only at the end the terrorists themselves. Being at such an event, where you are being shot at and you With his hands tied and unable to respond, it wasn't easy. I didn't know how to deal with the fact that I saw the children as a human protector."
"I want to write and direct."
In the movie "Picture of Victory", photography: Amit Yassur
Do you see yourself returning to fight?
"The first second I can pick up a weapon."
One minute you're dreaming of Hollywood, and the next you're back in the fight.
"In the lectures I'm giving now in the US, this is exactly what they fail to understand, how a human being is both an actor and a fighter.
They fail to connect these dots.
It's something that's hard to explain to someone who doesn't live here.
We are also warriors who can sacrifice their lives every day, as well as actors, lawyers and hi-techists.
We are always both."
erans@israelhayom.co.il
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