A woman has an orgasm in the middle of a concert/LA Phil / MacrodosingPod
58 percent of women claim that stress and anxiety are the reason why they are unable to reach orgasm with their partner, although when they fly solo, they have no problem, or barrier.
Thanks to the invention and normalization of vibrators, almost all women can climax with one because vibration is one of the most effective ways to stimulate the clitoris.
Orgasm with a partner is a completely different experience in terms of touch and also because there is simply someone there watching and involved in the process - performance anxiety.
If we add to this all the expectations surrounding sex, it is not difficult to see why there are so many problems:
for example, the thought that a 'normal' woman can reach an orgasm through penetration, while we know that only 20 percent of women orgasm through penetration alone because vaginal penetration with the penis is not Provides enough stimulation of the inner and outer clitoris to cause orgasm.
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Another expectation - a woman should experience an orgasm every time she has sex.
Why?
Because most men are like that.
It's not at all surprising that lesbians have much lower orgasm anxiety than heterosexual men - women understand that orgasms aren't as automatic as they are for men, so they aren't offended if it doesn't happen.
A woman should experience an orgasm every sex - why?/GettyImages
Below are the most common reasons why women fail to reach orgasm with their partners (men):
Self-criticism
There are women who are ashamed and therefore find it difficult to relax during sex because they are worried about how they look and function.
If you spend every sexual encounter critically viewing yourself, it likely won't be fun or fulfilling.
Loss of control
is possible to be sexually confident but not like to lose control.
We are taught to be in control of every other aspect of life, it's no wonder we find it hard to turn off that button in bed.
If your mind is on guard, making you aware of your surroundings, alert to what may or may not happen, it is probably difficult for you to let go of inhibitions and let pleasure lead.
Trust
Sometimes trust is the problem.
If you don't fully trust your partner to always do the right thing for you, you won't feel secure enough to truly relax and let go.
How to fix it?
Practice 'conscious' sex.
To prevent your mind from wandering to harmful thoughts, you need to keep it busy to distract it.
One way to do this is to just be present in the moment.
Make eye contact with your partner, look at their body, tell them how good what they are doing feels.
The more active you are in bed, the less likely you are to wake up with anxiety.
If you find yourself criticizing yourself (my stomach is shaking in this position), say something out loud to break the spell.
'It feels amazing' or 'You're so sexy right now'.
If it's too hard, take a few deep breaths, give yourself a mental command to breathe in, breathe out' and bring yourself back to the present moment.
Also escaping into your head and enjoying a fantasy that is sure to turn you on is an option.
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Running away into your head is also an option/ShutterStock
Pressure to 'perform'
is often the partner who stops our orgasm from happening - by wanting it too much.
He wants you to enjoy yourself, and an orgasm is proof of that, but not everything comes from a place of generosity: it's also about his ego and insecurity.
The more insecure the man is, giving you an orgasm is more evidence of his masculinity, a sign that he is a good lover, that he knows what he is doing.
Knowing that your partner needs you to orgasm to prove he's good enough as a lover is the equivalent of throwing a bucket of cold water in your face.
How to fix it?
Sex is about feelings and sensations, not about thought.
To reach orgasm, women need to let go, lose themselves, not be too aware of the surroundings or worried about our partner's feelings.
Deal with it by loading up on compliments - tell him all the things he's doing right (I love the way you look at me / kiss me / touch me).
After you have increased his confidence, sit him down for a conversation and explain to him that the female orgasm is not like his, and that he asks 'have you already had one?'
And grumpy if not, interfering with your ability to relax.
Ineffective technique
Some men do not know how to bring a woman to orgasm.
Their technique is lacking, and all the enthusiasm in the world won't make up for it.
On the other side there are women who are not confident enough to speak up when it happens.
Not telling your partner what you need certainly doesn't help you reach orgasm.
You don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him it's not working?
Many women have put up with low sex satisfaction for years before they finally work up the courage to ask him to do things differently.
How to fix it?
Speak.
The alternative is a lifetime of bad sex with this person.
It might not feel like it matters if your interest in sex is low, but it does.
Lotus/ShutterStock
You've been lying for years, so you can't be honest now?
Actually, you can.
Just say, 'You know what?
I usually like the way you do it, but something feels different.
If you feel the need to make an excuse, you can always tell him that "it must be childbirth/stress/menopause - can you try doing it
instead
and see what happens?"
How to fix it?
It doesn't matter what happens - if your natural reaction is to get stressed and start torturing yourself with "that's it."
This is going to happen again and again and I'll never have an orgasm" you put up even more psychological barriers. Instead, try to consciously let go of all negative thoughts, and decide to just enjoy the stimulation without orgasm as the goal. The more zen you can be about the experience, the more you have chance to get there.
Instead of approaching every sex session obsessing over whether or not you'll have an orgasm, just go on the journey. Change the goal from orgasm to pleasure and take the pressure off both of you. Or try a little reverse psychology. When you masturbate or have sex, tell yourself you shouldn't have an orgasm , that this meeting is solely for the purposes of 'research.' Relax and maybe eventually it will happen.
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