Six children jump together on a trampoline in the backyard.
They all came from one womb, but they have four different parents.
Sounds like a complex logic puzzle?
For the Ehrenberg and Efrati families, this is a simple and exciting reality of life, even if it has many edges and contrasts.
Please note: Nathaniel and Hila Ehrenberg, from the locality of Shiloh in Samaria, are the parents of Eitan (11), Hadar (8), Talia (6) and Shirel (2).
Hagai and Sahar Efrati, from the village of Hess, are the parents of Shira Verona, twins aged 3. All six children grew up in one womb - the womb of Hila, who also served as the surrogate mother in bringing Shira Verona into the world.
Photo: Gil Kramer, Moshe Ben Simhon
In any routine scenario, these two couples were not meant to be friends at heart and soul, certainly not related to blood and life creation.
After all, there is an ideological chasm between them: Hagai and Sahar are secular people who do not keep Shabbat or fast on Yom Kippur.
They have left-wing views that vote for Meretz and try not to cross the Green Line to the east.
Hila and Nathaniel, on the other hand, are religious - she has a full head covering, he has a prominent dome and dreams of a state of halakhah.
Their views are right-wing, in the last election they voted for Bezalel Smutrich, and it goes without saying that they ideologically chose to settle Judea and Samaria.
And despite all this difference, almost mutual negativity, the two couples bonded in bonds of love and embarked on a shared and exciting process.
It all started from a wild dream dreamed by Hila Ehrenberg (35), an occupational therapist by profession.
Her eyes twinkle as she talks about him: "For a long time I pondered the idea of being a surrogate mother and giving life to another woman that it did not come easily to her. My three previous pregnancies were easy, empowering and good. I live in a community that has a lot of kindness, so I sought my kindness. I had to brew with it, until I dared to talk about it out loud with Nathaniel. "
It took Nathaniel Ehrenberg, 35, a marketing manager at content channel ToV (which offers filtered and controlled movies and series), to take time to digest his wife's dream.
"I was mostly worried about the risk of aura. Pregnancy is a procedure that can be medically complicated, so it's a bit crazy to take risks for the sake of others. I also realized that it meant delaying our family expansion. It was clear to us that we wanted more children.
"In any case, we first wanted to get a halakhic permit and medical consent. At first we turned to a rabbi who recommended that we give up, after clarifying that the issue was very halakhically complex."
When he realized that Hila was having a hard time shelving her dream, Nathaniel called Rabbi Shlomo Aviner.
"I asked what he thought about surrogacy for a married woman, and he immediately replied that there is no halakhic prevention and that it is simply allowed. When the halakhic question was removed from the table, we consulted a friend who is also a doctor, to understand the medical significance of all this."
With halakhic and medical approval set off, Halo with fire in his eyes, Nathaniel with a hesitant foot on the brakes, but with deep support for his wife.
In the delivery room, with Eliraz Mi-Rav (in black).
Nathaniel: "When Hagai hugged Sahar as soon as it was all over - it was a climactic moment", Photo: From the private album
• • •
In the beginning they were naturally looking for a religious couple.
"Surrogacy is a crazy and groundbreaking process anyway," Nathaniel explains, "so we wanted at least one couple to be like us, so that if halakhic questions arise, we can solve them together."
They found such a couple, and already felt comfortable in his company, but the process in front of him was quickly cut short.
"Their gynecologist disqualified me because our Talia was born at the age of 35," Hila shares.
"As far as the medical committee is concerned, it passes, but the doctor disqualified us. We did not know what to do next, until a surrogate I knew recommended that I contact Eliraz Mi-Rav."
Mei-Rab (35), a resident of Yanuv, a music therapist and doula, was a surrogate herself, and today she accompanies surrogacy processes, with an emphasis on mental and spiritual support.
She works hard to find the "exact match" between surrogates and couples who are begging for children and can not bring them into the world on their own.
Hila: "Eliraz met us with a religious couple, but I did not feel comfortable with them, and the option went down. Then Eliraz offered us to open up and agree to meet a non-religious couple. She helped us digest it, and then met us with Sahar and Hagai. And here we are today, though That they are the farthest couple from our world. "
Sahar Aloni-Efrati, 47, who is involved in sports management, describes how it all started on their side: "Hagai and I got married relatively late. I was almost 40, and we both knew immediately that we wanted children. After two and a half years of treatments and abortions, and tests that found no reason For these abortions, our doctor offered surrogacy.
"There was an initial shock, but we decided to set off, especially after Hagai told me he could no longer see me in this suffering. At first we thought of surrogacy abroad.
I felt there would be something healthy in having the pregnancy away from us.
But then a friend recommended Eliraz to us.
The Yanuv community is a 15-minute drive from our house, so we decided there was nothing to lose and arrived at a meeting at the clinic in her home. "
The first meeting at the clinic did not change the position of the Ephraimites, who adhered to the original plan - surrogacy abroad. Only after Shemi-Rav invited them to a meeting with friends at her home did the atmosphere change.
Sahar: "I was sitting with Eliraz on the balcony, and suddenly she managed to open me up. It was the first time I cried. I did not mourn my abortions before. I am not a sinking person, I am practical. This crying connected me to Eliraz and created trust between us. Therefore, when she offered us To meet Hila and Nati - we agreed despite the reservations. "
The reservation stemmed, as expected, from the ideological gaps between the two couples.
"We were debating whether a couple from the territories would be suitable for us," explains Hagai (50), a lawyer by profession.
Sahar grew up in Kibbutz Mizra, but she is a very non-political person.
In the past, I was in the Dor Shalom movement, and even today I express myself politically on Facebook. "
Did you believe that if you placed your children as a surrogate beyond the Green Line, they would be "made in Judea and Samaria"?
"The only time Sahar crossed the Green Line was when they went on a tour with Machsom Watch, and we were both shocked. Since I know the settlements, and in the past I was also a guest on Saturdays as a bachelor in Kiryat Arba, I tried to explain to Sahar that there is a difference between Gush Etzion and other areas. "Nati and Hila lived in Carmei Tzur in the bloc at the time, and only recently moved to Samaria. It calmed her down a bit."
Sahar: "I do not deal so much with political questions, and my problem was not the residence of Hila and Nati beyond the Green Line. I was more troubled by the idea that a woman I did not know was going to do the most amazing thing in the world for me Its because we do not see eye to eye on the issue of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
"I felt a kind of discomfort with myself: how can I come to her in criticism, when she is willing to do such a wonderful thing for me? It is important for me to emphasize that I have never had any reluctance from settlers. My problem is with the policy of settlement in occupied territories, not personally with the residents there. ".
• • •
Before the first meeting, which was supposed to be naturally particularly charged, the two couples were given a task from the rabbi - "to free the place of the stigmas and conscientious issues, and to arrive clean, out of a desire to connect with the person in front of them, wherever he is."
Hila: "When we first set out, we did not know why we were entering. I thought it was a replica of the normal births I had experienced. I did not expect it to be a two-year journey - with emotional upheavals, hormones, injections and finally a caesarean section.
"Nati went from reluctance to 200 percent mobilization as soon as it started to shed tendon skin. In the end, he was the guardian of this pregnancy and took on a lot so that I could rest and that everything would end in peace."
Hagai and Sahar usually show up for each meeting a few minutes before the scheduled time.
Hila and Nathaniel, on the other hand, are chronic late.
Fate wished, and it was precisely in their first meeting that the creators were overturned.
"Suddenly Eliraz calls and asks where we are," Sahar recalls.
"I thought the meeting was scheduled for a later time than actually scheduled. We got in the car right away and arrived embarrassed. It's so not us, after."
In retrospect, it turned out that the unplanned malfunction actually helped to relieve the tension in the air, since the embarrassment of being late covered the embarrassment at the meeting itself.
After a few moments, when gaze met gaze, and longing met correctness - tensions and fears evaporated.
"As soon as we saw Hila, her look in her eyes, even before she said a word - we knew it was this," Hagai recalls.
"We immediately realized that we had before us a woman whose whole purpose was to do good, without any reckoning.
" It was like magic.
I realized that for Nathaniel it's more complex, that he's afraid.
I could identify with this place of his.
For us, already at the first meeting this whole discussion of non-territories lost all meaning.
The shells have melted, we have seen in front of us human beings who are ready to mobilize to do for us the greatest thing in the world. "
It soon became clear that the feeling was mutual.
Hila also recognized, for her part, immediately "that we are broadcasting on the same wave, that there is understanding and respect. I just felt comfortable, not like I had with a previous couple we tried with. Flow is the most important thing for the process to succeed.
"To me, the amazing ones here were Crescent and Holidays. They are special people who have managed to give us the feeling that for them it is to begin with. I mean, like this is the right way to bring babies into the world."
Still, at the end of the session, Sahar whispered to Eliraz that Hila seemed "delicate" to her, almost fragile to the challenging process.
"I already knew what hormones and fertility were, I knew how hard it was," she explains.
"I felt that Hila did not know why she was entering. Suddenly I had a desire to protect her."
Mi-Rab calmed Sahar, assuring her that the aura was stronger than it looked on the surface, and that "it has strengths that you will still recognize."
The second meeting between the two couples already revolved around the signing of the contract, which the parties' lawyers worked on with the help of Mei-Rab.
In Israel, surrogacy is allowed by law as a voluntary act, but the carrier mother is entitled to expenses and financial compensation.
The amount is not fixed by law, but is defined as "any reasonable compensation", but it must be written in advance in the contract that must be approved by a committee of the Ministry of Health.
The usual compensation payment for surrogacy in Israel ranges from NIS 165,000 for a regular procedure, to about NIS 200,000 when it comes to more than one fetus, or when there are various complications in the process.
"The contract is the dirtiest part of this pure process," says Hagai.
"This is of course a necessary step, but an oppressive one. Not on the part of the question of money, it was not personal at all, but because of the need to anchor in the contract all the problems that might arise."
Ahead of the signing meeting, several issues that have not yet been closed were discussed.
For example, some embryos will be returned in each round to the aura of the aura.
"They will be deposited," Hila corrects my terminology.
"Surrogates do not say 'returns' of embryos, as they say in normal in vitro fertilization. A fetus that is not mine is only deposited with me - in order to return it to its parents."
Nathaniel insisted on depositing one fetus at a time.
"Hila, for her part, was also willing to have five embryos deposited," he smiles.
"We argued about it between us at home for two weeks. I know Hila in active, happy and good births. She's the kind of woman who also smiles in labor. But these were pregnancies with one sack. I was afraid of twins."
Sahar and Hagai, on the other hand, actually wanted twins very much.
In the end, Mi-Rav succeeded in getting the parties to agree that in the first attempt one embryo would be deposited - and only in the following attempts would two be deposited.
Another issue that came up was whether Hagai and Sahar could travel abroad during the process, an issue that later led to the "big explosion," as Nathaniel defines it.
The twins Rona (right) and Shira.
"Born into the world with joy and love", Photo: Efrat Eshel
• • •
Unfortunately, the first deposit attempt failed.
Those who received the news in shock were Hila and Nathaniel, who had never known infertility before.
Hagai and Sahar told Modi that the experience did not mean despair, even after the second attempt was unsuccessful.
They said they had high hopes for the third attempt.
"In this experiment, the embryos were formed from eggs that the crescent froze at a younger age, even before we knew each other," Hagai explains.
"So we were very optimistic and full of faith that this time it would happen. The third deposit was made, and then, perhaps to get rid of all the tension, we booked plane tickets to Rome for a week's vacation, Crescent and I."
Hagai called to update Nathaniel on the expected flight in a few weeks, and in response Nathaniel innocently raised the concern that if the third attempt failed, Hagai and Sahar's stay abroad could cause them a month loss and a delay in a fourth possible attempt. "I spoke at the most technical level, because It is important for us not to smear the process, "Nathaniel recalled." But it turned out that my sentences created a big explosion. "
Hagai, for his part, was shocked to hear that a fourth attempt was being discussed with him - while the process was at the height of the third attempt.
"We got it in the market. At that time we were full of faith, and suddenly they sent us some laxity. How can we succeed without faith? I called Eliraz and said to her, 'What's up with them?'
We were broken. "
Sahar: "On the other hand, we also understood their side. They did not want to lose time. For them it was a logical question, but we took it hard. There was no problem that Hila would start taking hormones, even when we are not in the country."
The tension between the two couples is proud and has reached the brink of crisis.
At one point, Hagai called Nathaniel and asked that he not contact him or Sahar until the weekend, "because we need air."
Nathaniel, fearful of what was to come, immediately called the rabbi.
"It was a drama I will never forget," he describes.
"I was just saying something technical, and unfortunately they were hurt. I raised my hands and told Alirez that I was leaving her to manage this crisis."
Mi-Rab was able to explain to the Ehrenbergs the intricacies of the emotional place where the Ephraimites are.
Expanded on the meaning of longing for children and of a tense expectation of pregnancy test results.
Hila: "Through this crisis, which was actually created due to a misunderstanding, we understood in depth what was happening to Hagai and Sahar. After all, we have never experienced anything like this ourselves."
Hagai: "This whole process is built on a delicate balance between the desires, difficulties and fears of each side. Eliraz had a very big role to play in synchronizing the different and sometimes contradictory desires. "With good will. Surrogacy is an amazing process that there is nothing in the world that compares to it."
The comparisons were straightened out, and by the time the tension subsided, it had already arrived in a row: Hila had done a home pregnancy test, the results of which showed two pink streaks.
Despite the excitement, the Ehrenberg House decided not to tell the partners on the way, until the results of the definitive and final blood test were obtained.
This test also confirmed that the pregnancy was absorbed, perhaps even with twins.
The Ephraimites, who received the news with great satisfaction, waited for the first ultrasound examination.
A fetal pulse can be seen starting from the sixth week of pregnancy - exactly the week in which Hila and Saar planned to fly to vacation abroad.
"In consultation with the doctor, we decided that we would do the first ultrasound in the seventh week, after we returned," Sahar recalls.
"But then Hila developed bleeding, and we got stressed. We decided to go for an ultrasound earlier anyway. It was the fifth week and another five days. We took into account that they would not see a pulse yet."
Just before entering the test, both couples were required to resolve another dilemma.
In the contract between them, it was agreed that Sahar would be present at all the medical examinations that Hila would undergo.
The question of whether Hagai could also enter - was not discussed.
Still, a foreign man in a medical-intimate examination of a married woman, and another religious.
"I was under tremendous pressure, and it was very important to me that Hagai go in for an examination, but we did not dare to ask at all," Sahar recalls.
"Hila and Nati entered the room first, got organized - and then Hila covered herself. It turns out that it was quite clear to her that Hagai would enter."
All four looked up at the screen where two pulsating pregnancy bags flickered.
"It was a crazy and unforgettable moment. We then sat together in a cafe, and we couldn't break up. I allowed myself to be in hi for a few hours," Sahar describes.
Crescent and aura during pregnancy.
"Heavy responsibility", photo: from the private album
For a vacation in Rome, Sahar and Hagai went out excited by the good news - but even the fears flew with them and did not let up.
They already knew well, from their experience, that a throbbing and hopeful pregnancy could end in a sorrowful heart and despair.
During the vacation, Hila and Sahar talked on the phone.
Sahar threw Hila a sentence that "maybe this is our last time abroad in this status.
Next time we will be parents. "
Hila: "I was very excited to hear this sentence from Sahar's mouth. I kept trying to feel her 'pulse', to understand where she is emotionally in the process. There are women who are deep in grief over the abortions they went through, and they throw anxieties into surrogacy pregnancy. It's important for me to see that Sahar is OK. "
This concern persisted throughout the pregnancy.
At first, Sahar would jump in panic every time Hila called.
In time she learned that Hila calls twice a week just to chat.
"At first I asked myself, what are we both going to talk about, what do I have in common with her? She is a mother and I am not. Our worlds are so different. But the conversations have always been fascinating. I realized it was important for Aura to be a partner, To feel that she is not alone in the journey. "
The bond of friendship between Sahar and Hila grew stronger as the days and weeks passed.
At the same time, the conversations between Hagai and Netanel also slipped from the technical aspect to more value-based discussions, about the world and life, alongside small talk.
As agreed, the two couples showed up for all the medical tests.
The initial conclusion was that routine tests would be performed near Hila and Netanel's place of residence, but as soon as it became clear that the pregnancy was carrying twins, they went to perform all the tests together, at a private doctor in Ramat Hachayal in Tel Aviv.
"It became a quartet's pregnancy," in Hila's words.
What do pregnancy tests look like in a quartet?
Sahar: "Hila is lying on the chair, I'm not breathing, and these two (pointing to Nathaniel and Hagai) keep talking, making noise and running sections, digging for the doctor who went crazy there. I joined their celebration only after the doctor said everything was fine."
At the end of each test they stayed together for a spontaneous meeting, once in a restaurant, once just for ice cream.
Nathaniel: "Out of excitement and joy that everything was fine, we could not say goodbye. Every normal check was a sigh of relief. One of the highlights was the review of the second systems, we went through Hadassah Mount Scopus in Jerusalem, when they saw face, hands, feet. What we worked on for a year and a half is taking shape and taking shape. "
• • •
Upon receiving the shape, and the belly that began to pop up in Hila's body, Nathaniel and Hila decided to share their children in the process for the first time.
They went on a joint trip with Sahar and Hagai, and explained to the children that "these are friends."
Then they arranged another joint picnic meeting, with the Ehrenberg family in charge of the closeness - for kosher reasons.
When they returned home, they told the children about the pregnancy and the surrogacy.
Eitan, the eldest, immediately guessed that these were the parents' new and strange friends.
His response to the news that these were twins was amusing.
"He suggested, in the name of distributive justice, that one of them stay with us and one be handed over to the biological parents," Hila laughs.
"Later, when he found out that these were girl twins, he gave up on the idea and agreed that we would return both of them. That's how it is with a boy with three sisters who actually longs for a brother."
Along the way, many questions arose from Eitan, about Sahar and Hagai.
As a child growing up in the incubator of the religious community, he had not met seculars until then.
"Hila called me and said that Eitan had a lot of questions, and asked to find out if it would be okay for him to ask us. I told her there was no problem. At our next meeting, Eitan asked if we were Jews. I explained that there are Jews who are secular."
Hila: "Sahar told him how she grew up as a child in the kibbutz, and answered all his questions calmly. I was very happy about the open discourse. I think Eitan learned a lot from it. And so did we. In retrospect, I am very happy that we did this whole process with a non-religious couple. "It has expanded our world."
Hagai and Sahar's world also expanded.
"It was clear to us that we were putting the principles aside, and that we would visit the Ehrenberg family's home throughout the pregnancy - and beyond."
How did your parents react to the whole process?
Nathaniel: "We told the parents from the preparation stage. I sat with my parents one evening in the restaurant and told them I wanted to tell them something important and unusual. They were very careful not to interfere with our lives, but there was parental concern on their faces. "They are very warm people, and Sahar and Hagai. They stayed with them three times, including at a holiday meal on Rosh Hashanah when the girls were in infancy."
Hila: "I told my parents on the eve of Yom Kippur. I came very mature, not to consult but to share. My mother very much respected it and also helped during the pregnancy. Emotionally I think until the birth she had a very hard time. Especially she had a hard time in the birth itself. The surgery. It was very stressful for her. "
• • •
Then, after all the worries, the momentary crises, the friendships that had been forged, the frequent meetings and the bureaucratic procedures, the long-awaited day finally arrived.
Hila entered the delivery room to give birth to Sahar's twins.
The journey to the delivery room itself began abruptly, with unexpected contractions attacking Hila in the 31st week.
Due to the state of emergency, Nathaniel and Hila rushed to Shaare Zedek Hospital in Jerusalem and not to Laniado in Netanya, as agreed in the contract.
Halo received an injection to mature the fetal lungs.
Simultaneously with the intensification of labor, Doug Nathaniel also summoned Sahar and Hagai to the delivery room.
These came as fast as they could.
Hagai: "The whole process we went through was a whole waterfall of emotions, but the most exciting moment for me was when I called my father from the delivery room and announced that it would be another moment, that I would become a father - and he is my twins' grandfather. "My father is an educated person who always knows what to do in any situation. My parents were on their way to vacation when I called - and of course they turned around immediately."
"האווירה בחדר הלידה לא היתה כמו שציפינו שתהיה, כי זה היה בניתוח, ועם המון אנשים סביבנו, פחות אינטימי מכפי שתכננו", מספרת הילה בגילוי לב. המון האנשים שעליהם היא מדברת כלל את אלירז (הפעם גם על תקן הדולה), נתנאל, סהר, אמה של הילה, וכמובן הצוות הרפואי של מיילדות ורופאים.
הדרמה החלה בעצם עוד קודם, כשהצוות המליץ על ביצוע לידה בניתוח - דבר שנתנאל נלחם למנוע. סהר וחגי, מצידם, העדיפו הליך של ניתוח, שיסכן פחות את הפגות שבדרך, אבל לא לחצו בקול. "מאוד הערכתי את תעצומות הנפש שלהם", אומרת על כך הילה כיום. ובינתיים, כרגיל, אלירז היתה זאת שניסתה לסנכרן שוב בין הרצונות הסותרים.
"היו שם רגעים לא פשוטים", משתף נתנאל. "ההצעה לניתוח יצרה סערות פנימיות בתוכי. חששתי גם מהסכנה להילה, וגם מכך שניתוח עלול לעכב מאוד את הרצון שלנו בהרחבת המשפחה שלנו. היה רגע בתוך כל הטירוף הזה, שהסתכלתי בעיניים של הילה, ואז היא אמרה לי: 'הכל טוב, נתי, תשחרר. אני בסדר, נלך על ניתוח'. אני הייתי עם אדרנלין בשמיים והיא שמרה על רוגע ושלווה. מדהימה".
הילה: "הסכמתי לניתוח כי רציתי להיכנס בשליטה לתהליך ולא לנסות לידה רגילה שעלולה להסתבך, ולסיים בניתוח חירום. בסוף המטרה היתה שהן יגיעו בריאות ושלמות להורים שלהן".
בניתוח לידת תאומים פגים אסורה הכניסה למי שאינו חלק מהצוות הרפואי. המשא ומתן הקשוח שניהל נתנאל על הניתוח עצמו גרם לצוות להבין את מורכבות העניין, והם החליטו לאפשר באופן חריג כניסה של מלווה אחד.
"הרופא בא להודיע לי שיש אישור חריג להכניס אדם אחד", מספר נתנאל. "הוא היה בטוח שאקפוץ מייד לחדר הניתוח, כבעלה של היולדת, אבל לי היה ברור שסהר היא שצריכה להיכנס".
סהר נכנסה, בזמן שהפמליה נותרה לכסוס ציפורניים בחוץ. "בשלב מסוים ראינו שמטיסים את התאומות לפגייה, ואז סהר יצאה עם חיוך ענק ואמרה שכולם בסדר", מתאר נתנאל. "אני הייתי בשלב הזה שרוע על הרצפה, ממש פיזית, גמור מכל הלחצים לפני הניתוח, ואז חגי חיבק את סהר - זה היה השיא".
הילה: "הרגע שבו ראינו את סהר וחגי מחזיקים את הבנות שלהם, שיצאו מהרחם שלי, היה היי־לייט מטורף. זה היה רגע השיא שבשבילו יצאנו מלכתחילה למסע.
"רגע מרגש נוסף היה כשהתאומות השתחררו אחרי שבעה שבועות מהפגייה. לי היו כל הזמן מחשבות - מה יכולתי לעשות אחרת כדי למנוע את הלידה המוקדמת ואת השהות בפגייה. כשהן הגיעו הביתה בריאות ושלמות, הרגשתי שהאחריות הכבדה ירדה ממני".
סהר: "נתי והילה הרגישו לא בנוח שהבנות נולדו פגות ואושפזו בירושלים. אנחנו, בדיעבד, מבינים שזאת היתה ברכה גדולה. מעבר לזה שמדובר בפגייה מדהימה, התקופה הזאת נתנה לנו את האפשרות להתאמן בלהיות הורים. כמו סוג של היריון שלא חוויתי.
"פתאום את צריכה להתרגל לבנות שלא היו מחוברות אלייך לדם. דווקא הניתוק מהבית העניק לנו סוג של שקט ללמוד את ההורות. הילה ונתי כמובן המשיכו לעטוף אותנו, הגיעו לביקורים והרעיפו עלינו אוכל. יחד איתם היו הרבה ירושלמים נפלאים שדאגו לנו".
הילה: "האמת היא שחששתי שכעת הקשר בין המשפחות יתנתק. העובדה שהתאומות היו בפגייה בירושלים גרמה לפרידה להיות הדרגתית יותר. נפגשנו הרבה בתקופה הזאת".
סהר (מימין) עם התאומות שירה ורונה, כשלצידה הילה, אוחזת בבתה שיראל, שאותה ילדה שנה אחרי לידת הפונדקאות, צילום: מהאלבום הפרטי
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לעיתים, דווקא אחרי לידת פונדקאות מעדיפים ההורים הביולוגיים להתרחק ככל האפשר מהאם הפונדקאית. הסיבות לכך רבות ומגוונות: תגובה מאוחרת למתחים שליוו את ההיריון, או סתם רצון טבעי של ההורים הטריים לחוש שהילדים שנולדו הם "רק שלהם" - ו"לשכוח" את הדרך שבה הגיעו לעולם.
למרבה השמחה, זה לא קרה לסהר, חגי, הילה ונתנאל. על אף הפער הפוליטי־אידיאולוגי ביניהן, ממשיכות המשפחות לשמור על קשר קרוב, גם שלוש שנים אחרי. הארבעה מדברים בטלפון בכל שבוע, ממשיכים להתכתב ולשלוח סרטונים בקבוצת הווטסאפ שהקימו, "מסע חיים", וגם מרבים להיפגש ולהתארח אלה בביתם של אלה.
ובינתיים כבר פיתחו מסורת אישית קטנה: בכל בחירות לכנסת, והיו לא מעט כאלה, הם יוצאים יחד לטיולים ברחבי הארץ.
למה, בעצם, אתם מקפידים להישאר בקשר?
חגי: "כעורך דין שעוסק כיום בליווי זוגות פונדקאות, השאלה הזאת נתונה לבחירת הצדדים. פה היה לנו כל כך ברור שיישמר קשר חזק. הכרת התודה שלנו עמוקה. אנחנו רק מחפשים הזדמנויות להתראות. אין בפגישות האלה מאמץ או אילוץ. זה פשוט תענוג".
נתנאל: "אנחנו לא יכולים לקבל את השבת בלי לראות תמונה של שירה ורונה, ובלי להחליף כמה מילים עם סהר וחגי".
מבחינת התאומות שנולדו, נתנאל והילה היו עד היום סוג של "דודים". לקראת הראיון לכתבה, הוריהם לקחו אותן לשיחת הכנה. "אתמול אמרנו לבנות שהילה שמרה לנו אותן בבטן שלה", מספר חגי. "זה סקרן אותן. ראינו שהמוח שלהן עובד ושהן מעכלות".
סהר מחייכת: "זה היה מצחיק. שירה הסתכלה עלינו מוזר והתחילה לעשות פרצופים חמודים".
חגי: "התהליך כולו היה משוך בחוט של חסד. התאומות כאילו מבינות את זה. הן באו לעולם בשמחה ובאהבה, ומקרינות את זה החוצה. הן גם מגיבות באופן מדהים לנתנאל, להילה ולילדיהם. שירה ורונה משוכות בחוט של חסד".
הילה, איך מגיבה הסביבה הדתית שלכם? אחרי הכל, היא לא מורגלת לפגוש נשים דתיות ונשואות שמשמשות פונדקאיות.
"כשסיפרנו על התאומות, גם לחברים הקרובים שידעו שזה החלום שלי, התגובה היתה 'משוגעת'. מה יכולתי לענות לזה? צחקתי. אני מבינה שזה לא מתאים לכל אחת".
נתנאל מחייך: "הם צודקים, הילה, יש בזה בהחלט מן השיגעון".
הילה: "והיום אתה שמח שזרמת עם השיגעון הזה. ומובן שהיה צריך להתמודד עם התגובות ממעגלים רחבים יותר, כי זה לא כמו תרומת כליה שאפשר לעשות בשקט. זה מוחצן, את הבטן לא היה אפשר להסתיר, זה תהליך שצריך לדברר. בסופו של דבר, זאת היתה החלטה משפחתית שעשתה לנו מאוד טוב, לזוגיות ולילדים, לכן השאלה של 'מה יגידו' הפכה לשולית".
נתנאל: "בכל פעם שסיפרתי למכר, זיהיתי את ההלם הראשוני על הפרצוף, את הנשימה שנעצרת. 'גם פונקדאות וגם תאומים? וואו'. לקח זמן עד שזה שקע, אבל תמיד ראיתי אחר כך איזה סוג של התרחבות נפש, של חיוך. זה היה נחמד לצאת לעולם, אחרי תקופה ארוכה שבה זה היה סוד של שנינו, ולקבל המון אהבה".
הילה: "ברור שהסביבה היתה צריכה לעכל את זה, אבל בסוף כולם פרגנו, עודדו ותמכו. לאנשים יש המון שאלות. אחת שחזרה תמיד היתה 'לא היה לך קשה למסור אותן?'"
ומה את עונה? התאומות גדלו בתוכך, מדמך. היה קושי בפרידה או דווקא הקלה למסור?
"פונדקאיות לא אומרות 'למסור' אלא 'להחזיר'", היא מדייקת שוב את המונחים. "הן מחזירות את מה שהופקד בידיהן. מה שהחזיק אותי באכזבות ובקשיים בתהליך עצמו, ומה שמשמח אותי בחיי היומיום, זה הילדים שלי.
"חגי וסהר הם אנשים שאני כל כך מעריכה ואוהבת, לכן רציתי שגם להם יהיה את זה. הרגע הזה, של הנתינה, הוא לא קשה, הוא מעצים. כל שלב שעוברים זה התרגשות ענקית, מהחתימה בוועדה, הרגע שגילינו ששני העוברים נקלטו, וכמובן הלידה".
במפגשים ביניכם היום, אתם מדברים פוליטיקה?
"המון", אומר חגי.
"אתם מדברים", מדייקת סהר ומצביעה על האגף הגברי בחבורה. היא והילה מחליפות ביניהן הנהון של הסכמה מחויכת.
נתנאל: "נוצרה בינינו היכולת לנהל שיח פוליטי בין קצוות. אנחנו הצבענו 'ציונות דתית' והם מרצ. לצערנו, הרבה פעמים ויכוח פוליטי יורד למקומות נמוכים ולרמות אישיות, ואז אנשים נפגעים אחד מהשני. היתרון שלנו הוא שאנחנו יכולים לנהל שיח בלי לחשוש שיקרה משהו בינינו.
"בגלל שעשינו את החיים עצמם, הוויכוח הפוליטי לא יכול לגעת בקשר ולפגוע בעומק של החיבור בינינו. זה רווח אדיר. זה מלמד על החברה הישראלית, שיש בה הרבה רבדים שלא רואים אותם בתקשורת. זה דבר ענק שאי אפשר להגדיר במילים".
חגי: "אנחנו מדברים המון על שותפות הערכים. שמה שאנחנו רוצים מהפוליטיקאים שלנו זה שמילה תהיה מילה, שהם יפעלו לשפר את המציאות, מתוך אהבה ואחדות. שנינו מוטרפים מהלכלוך, מהשנאה ומהפילוג".
סהר: "באמת כיף לראות את חגי ונתנאל מקשיבים אחד לשני ומוצאים המון דברים שהם מסכימים עליהם".
נתנאל: "אנחנו אכן מסכימים על המון דברים. אחד הדברים שהבנתי מאז ההיכרות בינינו, זה שאי אפשר לעשות דברים בהנחתה. נכון שאני חולם על מדינת הלכה, מושג שלדעתי התקשורת ממש השחירה. אבל היום ברור לי שזה צריך לעשות באמצעות שיח מכבד, בהסכמה".
חגי: "בסופו של דבר, הם דתיים, והעולם התורני מאוד חשוב להם. אנחנו חילונים, והעולם החילוני החופשי מאוד חשוב לנו. אבל יש בינינו הסכמה על הליבה: כולנו רוצים שתהיה פה מדינה טובה, שיהיו בה אחווה ושלום. אלה לא קלישאות, אמיתי.
"אנחנו אנשים שבאים משדרות חיים שונות לחלוטין, ואנחנו מסוגלים להסתדר בצורה מעולה. ובאמת, כשאתה עושה משהו גדול, אז כל הדברים האחרים שאוהבים לצעוק עליהם, מתגמדים".
בטיול משותף עם התאומות בעגלה. "אנחנו ביחד בכל בחירות לכנסת, זאת מסורת", צילום: מהאלבום הפרטי
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בגלל הניתוח הקיסרי, הילה ונתנאל האמינו שהם יידרשו להמתין עם הבאה לעולם של ילד נוסף משלהם, אבל הרופא שלהם הבהיר להם שאם ההחלמה מהניתוח תקינה, אין סיבה לחכות.
וכך, בתום חופשת לידה של ארבעה חודשים, כפי שמעניק החוק לפונדקאית תאומים, כבר היתה הילה בהיריון ספונטני משלה. תשעה חודשים אחר כך נולדה שיראל, בתם הרביעית של הארנברגים. כשהתאוששה מהלידה, צץ רעיון חדש בראשה של הילה: יחד עם סהר היא החלה להרצות בפני נשים על התהליך המשותף שעברו.
"זה התחיל לפני הקורונה, ולצערנו המגיפה קצת קטעה את רצף ההרצאות", מספרת סהר. "מבחינתי, הילה היא הגיבורה. בזמן שהיא דיברה בהרצאה הראשונה, ישבתי מחויכת והסתכלתי עליה בהערצה. בסוף ההרצאה ההיא המון נשים דומעות ניגשו גם אלי. הופתעתי. מי אני בסיפור הזה? רק אישה שרצתה ילדים וקיבלה".
בכל זאת, עברת תקופה טיפולים והפלות קשה.
סהר: "זה היה קשה, אבל חשבנו קדימה. לא ישבנו ובכינו על מר גורלנו. מה שהיה הכי קשה זה אובדן השליטה על תכנון החיים שלי. כמנהלת ספורט אני משתתפת במשלחות לאולימפיאדה. לפני חמש שנים הייתי אמורה לטוס לריו והודעתי שאני לא נוסעת כי נכנסתי להיריון. אבל אז ההיריון לא התפתח, וכן טסתי. גם למשלחת האולימפית לטוקיו הצטרפתי, כשחגי נשאר לטפל בקטנות, ואני נאבקתי בגעגועים לחזור".
איך אתם מסכמים את כל המסע הארוך שעברתם יחד, שני הזוגות?
סהר: "לא בוחרים בפונדקאות מלכתחילה, אבל בדיעבד זה תהליך מדהים. מעבר לילדות שזכינו בהן, זכינו למתנה עוצמתית נוספת: להתחבר לאנשים שלא הכרנו. הסיפור שלנו הוא אולי הסיפור של החברה הישראלית כולה: מבחוץ קיטוב, אבל בפנים המון אנשים טובים".
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