"Three days before the decision, a guy named Matan from the 'Tiger' organization of Golani Brigade members called me and told me, 'There are some friends who want to sit with you in the cemetery on Friday,' because every Friday I hold a live broadcast on Amit's grave in the Be'er Ya'akov cemetery.
"I said 'Welcome.' "
Last Monday, the High Court outright rejected the petition of Nazmi Abu Bakr, the terrorist accused of killing the late Golani Patrol fighter Sergeant Amit Ben Yigal, who demanded that the fighter's grave be opened to check his helmet. According to his lawyers, the helmet is "Substantive investigative material that could lead to acquittal at trial."
Baruch, Amit's father, did not celebrate the court's decision, but a "V" sign for another moving episode that has passed since the fall of his only son, on May 12, 2020. Amit was killed during an operation in the village of Ya'bad in Samaria, when a heavy stone was thrown from one of the houses. In his head.
"During the week before the decision, I did not want to talk, that God forbid they would not think I was putting pressure on the court. Apart from the soldiers, a lot of bereaved parents also approached me and said, 'If God forbid they approve the request, we will come to the cemetery and stay there.'
It's been about a year and a half since the disaster, and your struggle continues.
"Those who represented the terrorist in the last hearing are lawyers, a father and a son, Israeli Arabs. I asked the father during the hearing 'If your son had been murdered, would you be willing for his grave to be opened?'
He was astonished, told me 'how are you talking?', And at the end of the trial he went to the judges and said with a smile 'it's not personal'. What if it's not personal? You made me not sleep for 45 days, live in constant anxiety. So as not to come home and think, and you say 'not personal?'
This is the mother of the personal.
"After the debate, we went to the plaza next to the Knesset and there were bereaved families waiting there. If the decision had been different, I do not know what would have happened. I was constantly busy putting out fires, God forbid things would get out of hand. I was afraid "Red, it's a black line. Our children are not touched."
Were you afraid that the petition would be accepted, as the petition was received not to destroy the terrorist's house?
"Sharp and smooth. So I was completely shocked, because at the exit from the discussion about the demolition of the terrorist's house everyone said 'You spoke so beautifully and properly (Amit's ex-wife and mother, EL) spoke well and the lawyers were convincing.
There is no situation in which the house is not destroyed. '
On the other hand, the terrorist's lawyers were confused by the data, Judge Menachem Mazuz attacked them, they attacked him and he was so empathetic towards me.
"When we left we went to the Malcha mall, and the owner of the Ne'eman cafe hugged us and said, 'I'll pamper you.' That was the first time I ate after a month, because I finally felt good. After ten days, while I was walking on Ahuza Street in Raanana, Yuval Nagar, the Golani casualty officer, called me and told me that they had decided not to destroy the house. I cried. I left everything and went to the cemetery, to Amit's grave, and asked him 'Sorry, sorry, sorry' " .
Is house demolition revenge?
"I do not live for revenge, but I do want you to be visible. And not for a colleague, he will not return. There are more soldiers. There is a well-oiled mechanism of publicity on behalf of the Palestinians at levels you can not describe.
During the hearing, two Palestinians with a laptop certificate sat in the courtroom with a laptop.
They wrote and photographed, and while on trial uploaded posts to their sites.
I asked the guard 'what should it be?'
And he replied to me 'they have a certificate'.
"A man spits on you, and after that with his hand smeared on his face. How much humiliation should we go through? In the case of the demolition of the house the argument was that the terrorist's children were endangered. Sorry, when he committed the act he was single? No, he was married. So if he "He did not think about his children, why are you? What will the next terrorist say? 'I have eight children, this is an insurance policy.'
The killer's nephew also bothered you.
"True, and he received NIS 1,500 on bail and a warning. Let's turn the coin over, imagine I would have bothered him, what would have happened? Edited very professionally. I gave the material to the police, who passed it on to the GSS and they got on it.
He was brought to the Ariel police station and after two days he was released, even without a fine.
So I asked you, if you receive NIS 1,500 in bail - will you stop bothering?
The message on the other side is that in the State of Israel you can do whatever you want. "
What would you like them to do?
"Let's start with an economic loss. All the villagers will work, from which the killer came out, will not be able to go into work in Israel for at least three months after the incident. They would not think once, but a billion times. In the end it is all a matter of livelihood.
"People told me that a minute after the murder, the killer's family returned to work in Harish under construction. I complained, and only then were their work licenses taken from them. Does it make sense to you that immediately after the murder they work for us? Are we so stupid? Where is the GSS and the state?"
Are you worried about the possibility that the killer will be released in a prisoner deal?
"In Aviva and Noam Shalit's protest tent, a picture of Amit was taken, wearing a shirt with a picture of Gilad. I also looked at the parents and not the deal, I was hurt by them. Today I know what the price is, and I have no doubt that .
Does government policy disappoint you?
"I'm not involved in politics in any way, and since I know the military, especially today, I know we have a great army and excellent commanders, and the Secretary of Defense and staff I have not a single bad word about anyone.
"During the swearing-in ceremony, a Jewish lawyer came to us and offered to sue on behalf of an organization of which he was a member of the commanders and soldiers who were with a colleague.
It's like telling me 'sue a colleague'.
I told him 'get out of here right away' and reported him to the military men who were in contact with me. "
Is it hard for you to hear details about the incident in which he fell?
"I heard everything, the investigation is with me and you read and understand that your child is a hero of Israel. A real hero. Until Amit's fall I was not as involved and involved in the army as I am today, and believe me I admire the uniformed. I see a soldier today and these are my children. See colleagues. "
"The one who gave me the most strength was the bereaved parents."
With his ex-wife Nava, at the funeral of the late Amit, Photo: Gideon Markovich
• • •
Ben Yigal (53), divorced, lives in Ramat Gan, worked until before the disaster as a teacher at Ben-Zvi High School in Kiryat Ono and as a guide, and served as secretary of the Ayalon branch of the teachers' organization. In the teachers' organization.
"I was financially hurt. I used to do private trips, I was a teacher, I tore myself up, and today I teach a third of the time," he says.
"Amit was not only a son, but also a partner. I was orphaned at 21, Amit left me at 21, we were together in 21 countries, 43 flights. The last city was Rome, when he was already a soldier. We went on his 20th birthday.
"Over the years I did not know that I sow in him the love of the land, the love of tradition, history. I took him all over the country. We would eat the main course in Tel Aviv, and finish the dessert in Jerusalem. How many fathers do you know on the eve of Independence Day? "Would they take their children to the state ceremony on Mount Herzl? That's how it is every year. Today I'm like Wise, re-calculating a route."
And you succeed?
"Living alongside loss is one of the hardest things a parent has to deal with, but right after the shiva I came to work at the teachers' union. I came right from the cemetery, and straight away I answered emails. It was the right decision.
"During the first week I also went into psychological treatment, I did not give the soul a chance to escape, because in our bereavement there are no stairs down, there is a slide. From one hundred to zero. , Social Worker.
Both are professional, experienced women.
Without their care I could not have survived.
This is the only place I can unwind and unwind and talk about the most intimate things and the fears and desires and dreams.
When you go through something like this, everything changes, priorities, life, relationships. "
The character too?
"There is no doubt that the joy of life has been damaged. You used to be able to choose a subject, no matter if it's the bottle on the table or the glass you are currently drinking from - and I would tell a joke. I could tell 400 jokes without repeating them. I had a crazy memory, and now like someone clicked Restart and I do not remember anything, do not know how to tell a joke.
"But I do laugh, and it comes from the soul. My brother's grandchildren were at my house and raving, and when I came in we were quiet. I said to them, 'Come on, this is not a memorial site here, this is the home of the happiest boy in the world, go on.'
"All the bereavement that has befallen me to this day, the loss of my parents, brother and sister who died of illness - all dear people, but their deaths did not make me a sad man like the death of a colleague. Time does its part in the death of parents, siblings, but child, We get bigger, the longings grow stronger.You see one friend of his with a partner, and another friend with a degree, and you say 'a colleague could have done it too'.
"Amit also had a girlfriend, Osher, and we are in touch with her. After six months we did a ceremony in the cemetery, and I told her 'it's your time to find the love of your life, and it's okay to be loved and loved. We will always love you no matter who you are with.'
"The pit is getting bigger."
The late Sergeant Amit Ben Yigal, Photo: Courtesy of the family
• • •
In recent months, Ben Yigal has been one of the most prominent activists in an attempt to pass the Knesset Continuity Law, which, if passed, will allow families of fallen soldiers to use their son's semen and together with a spouse chosen to have a child.
"I really want to be a father and grandfather, but I'm not a world creator," he says.
"What should happen happens, and what should not, does not happen. After all, there is crazy technology today. Instead of a woman taking sperm X, she will take sperm with an address called Amit Ben Yigal, and she will receive an envelope from Grandpa Baruch and Grandma Nava. She will have uncles on both sides .
"When the matter became known, we were approached by 182 women, from all walks of life. Same-sex, religious women who did not have children. The youngest girl who volunteered for the process was 21. The only one I opposed was a married couple without children. It is already a matter of bastards, because we are a married woman. Looking for a woman who has no children and has never married.
"At the same time, we want every young person who enlists, in addition to signing an Eddie card, to also have a section called the 'Continuity Law.' The religious, because we are not going against the law. "
A child is not a memorial site.
"Absolutely not. I had an interesting conversation with Adv. Kinneret in my head, whose father fell while her mother was pregnant with her.
Is the best example.
She was born without a father in the picture, but she received a warm family from both sides, both of the father and of the mother.
She gave birth to a girl and went on, and the second generation is no longer bereaved.
An ordinary girl for all intents and purposes.
"We give up in advance the benefit of an IDF orphan, the child will not be called that and will not be part of the bereaved family in the records."
You are not afraid that there will be women who will want you just because of the financial back?
"I do not think the financial matter is personal. This child is not 'spoiled, returned to the store', this child is for life. There is a win-win situation here for both parties, and it is clear that if there is a child in the picture, we will be financially. birthday gift.
"We are not going to be parents but grandparents, and it is clear that there should be a minimal match between us and the mother. "An ultra-Orthodox. We need to choose a woman who fits the process and can accommodate us and we can accommodate her."
But your son did not agree to the process.
"Three days before he fell he said to me, 'Dad, I want to have a lot of kids.' In children, and we are not going to make money from the story.
"My sister, Sarah, told me 'if you have a grandson, me, my daughter and my two daughters-in-law the mother can rest. We will come once a week, clean the house, cook, take care of the child. She will be like a queen.' And there are minuses that I do not ignore.
"Every day, at six-thirty in the morning, I open the balcony and put on Boaz Sharabi's song 'Be Strong,' because this is the time I was informed that a colleague is gone. I say, 'Oh God, let me survive the day.' My dream is at six-thirty in the morning. , Instead of opening a balcony, I will run to take the grandson to kindergarten or school.
"There is nothing in the country that has a one hundred percent consensus, and even for bereaved families there are people, albeit on the margins, who do not love us and do not respect our soldiers."
Maybe this is a difficult process to digest for many?
"Why? Think we were both born from a sperm donation and did not know the father. But I know his name, what he looks like, he also has a grave, I have nowhere to go. You have none, because you do not know what his name is, and if he dies tomorrow you will not know. "Maybe the man you pass on the street is your uncle, maybe the girl you meet is his daughter?"
You do not think it is a trauma for a child to be born to a dead father?
"And what about a boy who has lived for 20 or 40 years without knowing who his father is and who his brother is? I met an IDF officer who discovered by chance that the girl who served next to her was her sister.
If God forbid instead of two daughters there was a son and a daughter who had a romantic relationship and there was incest?
Do you know what this trauma is?
"So here you are preventing the rift and what to do, this is life. 50 years ago it was also inconceivable that two men would give birth to a child, and today it is acceptable. I do not care if the child has a lesbian or straight mother, the main thing is that she be loving."
What about your own relationship and child?
"Of course I want to, but according to my belief, the Creator of the world decides. I was looking for a 'double', a partner who already has a child, and unfortunately I could not. Now I think of co-parenting. As I want, there is also a woman who wants a child, but Do not want me as a spouse, and everything is fine. But a child born to a colleague has more pluses than joint parenting. Imagine that grace and peace you do not get along with your spouse, and unnecessary war develops. Here there are no lawyers, here the mother up front, she is the sole guardian "On the contrary, she only receives warmth, love and support."
Hard to find a partner?
"I was approached by a sea of women who want to, but there is a difference between Baruch as a grandfather and Baruch as a father. "He will accept, because it is hers. The mother decides. Blessed is the father who will intervene. I am aware of my position."
When a colleague fell you were in a relationship.
"I had a 'wow' relationship, the happiest, the most fun. And suddenly I cry and miss and go to the cemetery. She could not bear it and said 'goodbye'. I never regretted what was. Once someone says 'do not want', "I do not even ask why. I do not beg, do not get down on my knees or humiliate myself. Nothing happened. I do not want to, be healthy. There is nothing to argue about taste and smell."
"When I come I talk about everything. Shares him, hugs him, cries, laughs."
With the flags of the Golani Regiment near the grave of the late Amit, Photo: Efrat Eshel
Today you also have a high media profile.
"There is a difference between a personal person and a personal person, and as a personal person I am completely different. I want to love and fall in love. After the disaster I was less accessible, or able and willing to invest in a relationship. Today I know more how to balance the personal and the public. "Before I stop commemorating," at that moment it will be erased.
If you have a child, will he get a colleague's room?
"A colleague's room is the Holy of Holies. There I do not agree that anyone sleeps in bed. I sometimes find myself sleeping there on the floor. But one thing I am willing to do. If and when I have a grandson from a colleague - it will be his room."
Are you sorry that a single white pain you authorized a colleague to serve within me?
"I've never been a hysterical father, and I'm probably not sorry I signed, but proud. More than that, if the Blessed One would give me another child, in a minute I'll sign him. It took me a colleague two months to sign. I saw what it did to a colleague, what he gave him Significant service in the IDF.
I believe in complete faith in our army.
We have a great army. "
How many times a week do you go to a colleague's grave?
"Yes yes, day no, day why not. When I come I talk about everything. Share him, hug him, cry, laugh. I have no hours. There were days I fell asleep there in the car because I had a mental need to be there, and there is no way I will not be For a few days.
"One of the holidays I was in the north, waiting for the holiday to come out and in the dark I went to it and sat there until the morning. I made a small fire by the grave, drank a cup of tea. I played songs from YouTube. Even stand-up shows "Eli Yitzpan. I once took the laptop, put it on the grave and saw maybe two hundred times the 'Snooker Celebration.'
Is not it strange?
"My whole life is weird. I do not know the word 'weird', maybe also because all my terminology has changed. About my father I can say 'his memory is blessed' and about my mother too. But about my son not. About a colleague I say 'in his honor'. ". Everything is done in his honor. I light a candle for the upliftment of my parents' souls, but when I light a candle for a colleague it is in his honor."
"Today I know what the price is."
With Danit, a relative, in the Shalit family's protest tent, photo: from the family album
• • •
In the year and a half since the fall of his son, Baruch has become a key figure in the leadership of bereaved families.
He is active in events, attending memorials and shiva.
There is no soldier recently killed whose family has not received a visit from him.
"I accompanied Bar-El Hadaria Shmueli's family from the first second," he says.
"It's quite reminiscent of our case. Divorced parents, Nitza has children from Chapter Two, like Nava, while for Yossi, the father, Bar-El was his only son. Think what a grandson would do to one like him. You know how much I prayed for Bar-El when he lay down At the hospital, how much did I want to live? On Thursday, two days before he fell, I did an evening of forgiveness in honor of Amit and Bar-El Medicine.
"What's amazing is that Bar-El's mom followed me on Facebook before the disaster that happened to her and always asked, 'How does this dad survive?'
Reluctantly I became a symbol of the country, bereaved parents whose child fell 20 and 30 years ago are calling to get stronger.
"Maybe it's because I made access to bereavement. Every night at two in the morning I pick up the phone, say 'Good night' and upload a video of a Facebook colleague. I cry and laugh with them. It started from a community of 5,000 people who would see me, and the hems jumped meteorically. "You will find a curse or insult there, because I make sure to maintain my son's honor. I do not dare to put anything in dispute or something political. Sometimes I write and delete 200 times."
Why you?
"Mental need. I was also comforted, and the ones who brought me the most strength were the bereaved parents. At Amit's funeral there were 40,000 people, and seven came many thousands. I will show you Facebook messages I receive from parents who have lost children, and not necessarily in the army. Her little one was caught in the hot tub and he drowned. She wanted to meet me and we became good friends. It is not the same bereavement, but the common denominator is the children.
"Or for example a 9-year-old boy who was seriously ill. Just before he left for treatment in the US he came to my house, I hugged him and told him 'I want you strong my soul, and I will make you a Thanksgiving meal at my house when you come back'.
Throughout the treatment we talked on video and I talked to the parents.
Last month he passed away.
I went to his house and promised his mother to do a Shabbat reception in his honor, that he would be remembered with joy.
There are endless examples. "
Is not this a heavy burden on the soul?
"Amit takes all my energy, and gives it to me. Today I am in touch with thousands I did not know before the disaster. The most beautiful example in the world is the cookies that are now on the table. Since the disaster, in May last year, a girl named Michal from Modiin comes every Friday with one parent Her and brings butter cookies.Once she did not miss.
"Today there are 47 children named after a colleague, 40 boys and 7 girls. We have a WhatsApp group and we are in touch, and now that there has been a discussion about opening the grave, everyone has written that they love us and support us."
"We were together in 21 countries."
On a trip to Thailand, Photo: Courtesy of the family
• • •
He was born in Beer Yaakov to religious parents, one of eight brothers and sisters.
To this day he keeps a tradition, puts on tefillin every morning, sometimes hopping into the Bushheif synagogue in Moshav Zeitan, which is considered an important synagogue for Libyans.
"I stayed the same. I was not religious and I did not become religious, I am traditional. Yesterday at 5 in the morning I went to Amit, from there I went to the synagogue. I prayed, I put on tefillin."
Weren't you angry with God after the incident?
"God forbid. I have a daily dialogue with him, I ask a lot of questions, but my thesis says that if the Blessed One gives the ant to eat, to me, that I am his son, he will not give? Therefore I accept everything with love, including the slap.
"My father, peace be upon him, got cancer and died at the age of 58. I remember he called us and said 'Praise be to his name, what fun I am sick and not you'. I was a soldier then and could not believe we were going to say goodbye to him, but he was so happy The lottery informed him that he had won a prize of NIS 53 million.
"I ask the Blessed One every morning, 'Challenge me with a life without a colleague, give me the tools to survive with a quality and happy life.' one day".
And still remains positive.
"Because I completely separate the state from politics, which I stay away from. You have to see what an embrace I get from the people of Israel. Look, I live on the 22nd floor and without the optimism I would have jumped. If it's not part of your DNA, you have no chance."
shishabat@israelhayom.co.il