One of the most difficult and painful moments is located at the irremediable moment in which the children have to leave the nest, as it is commonly referred to as home, to fly on their own.
This experience, difficult and necessary, sometimes comes unexpectedly and earlier than expected, either due to growth and development, maturity or some extreme situation that leads to separation from the womb.
However, sometimes the distance and the time involved help us to love each other better and grow mutually from the refocusing of affections.
For Maribella Aguilar, now also a 63-year-old mother, leaving home was somehow quick and necessary, as she envisioned a better standard of living in the city.
She remembers how difficult it was for her and how her departure, against her mother's opinion and her father's approval, generated a certain distance and discomfort with Francisca, her mother.
“I left home at the age of 14, from Guerrero to the then Federal District.
At first the topic was rough from her to me.
She cried a lot and felt differently towards me, perhaps a little resentful, although she never expressed it to me.
We never stopped talking but it felt strange.
Already when my first child was born in 1977, five years after I left home, that relationship changed a little more”, recalls Maribella.
For his part, for Eduardo Luis Hernández, a Venezuelan living in Mexico and the son of divorced parents, the intermittent distances at the local level between his father's and mother's homes due to study opportunities, in a certain way prepared the ground for his definitive departure from the country. .
“I separated from my mother and went to my father's house at the age of eleven to study at another school.
My relationship with her has always been pretty good.
And in Nirgua (where she studied) I spoke to her every day on the phone, the communication was constant.
And I rescue that a lot because even though it's not like that now, it's something that helped us communicate better.
I felt her relationship with her like that of a friend, ”says Eduardo.
On the other hand, and also very early, although in the opposite direction, Francisco de Pablo's decision to separate from his mother and the rest of his family was premature, strong, but necessary for his professional future.
“A little over ten years ago a job opportunity arose for my dad and they left with my brother, who had not finished high school yet, but I was already in college and decided to stay.
I took care of solving my stay, which perhaps showed me more mature and solved that fear.
They left in 2010. And since then our relationship is good, we are close, I know that the separation was difficult, but at that time I was already immersed in the Internet, so when we were able to have the first family chat in 2013, that communication was even more constant”, says Francisco.
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What we tell each other and what we feel
In many of the cases where there is a long-distance relationship with mother, the evolution in telecommunications has made us be more synthetic when speaking, or frank perhaps, perhaps more practical or clear when telling anecdotes, but it has also contributed to express and feel our affections in different ways.
Thus, scolding, life lessons or reminders give way to a concern for food, safety and monitoring of the other's life.
For Maribella Aguilar, the distance of more than three decades with her mother has gone through various formats of communication and evolution.
“At first my parents came suddenly and I went too, we saw each other about five times a year.
At that time there was no way to communicate by phone, it was through letters that took a month to arrive.
With the arrival of the telephone booths in the town, we began to speak to each other every 15 days on average and the letters disappeared.
Then, after the death of my father in the early nineties, we finally had a telephone here in the city and we talked even more.
Today, with the internet and the telephone, we are more in contact, if we don't see each other we talk to each other or then I call him daily or we make a video call”, says Maribella.
However, Eduardo Luis knows that many times, despite the fact that the calls are affectionate, prolonged and frequent, there are still things in the pipeline, things that were there before and it may be surprising that they are no longer present, or that they are not considered necessary to the conversation.
He confesses that the distance also “inevitably means that a certain aspect of the relationship is lost that I believe is necessary on a day-to-day basis, this continuity, let's say.
Then the weekly calls, in the end they may or may not say much, so there are things that they may not tell you because they don't want to worry you.
Since you don't see his life up close, you can miss things, ”he says.
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Something changes, except love
Despite the fact that there will always be things that they miss from the days with their mother and that in a way they will never return, the distance has also cultivated a mature relationship and contributed to seeing the mother figure from a more empathic, human and mature perspective, where the only thing that is strengthened are the affections and concern for the well-being of the other.
Francisco de Pablo says that even the discrepancies can be somewhat more harmonic from a distance.
“I have always been able to be open with my mom, but as I get older, I am more so.
It is clear to me that there are things that we do not have in common or on which we do not agree, but I also understand that this does not necessarily have to distance us”, he affirms.
“What I enjoy now is exploring and delving into things from before or her personality, without getting too involved or judging her.
It's a bit of understanding her, getting into her thoughts about new things.
I like to inquire about her perspective, and sometimes we don't get too involved, but I like the idea that you can have that kind of conversation with her”, confesses Eduardo Luis.
For her part, Maribella affirms that today even the roles have been reversed a bit, and that her mother's age and health invite her not only to be more in communication with her, but to see her physically frequently.
“When I left the house I understood my mother more as a person, because of the treatment she received in a patriarchal regime, she put me in her shoes.
Now the relationship is good, but the treatment is more dependent on age and health, but that has made me locate and value the independence and responsibility towards each one, even if it is my mother.
When I know that she is sick I feel that I should be there, the distance sometimes makes me feel that I will be keeping something hidden and I don't like that.
I feel a greater need to approach, to be there”.
